Telephony's definitions

rabbit ears

What you'll see if you pull your front pants pockets completely inside-out; performing this action empties the entire contents of your pockets -- even tobacco fragments and lint cannot escape detection here.

When somebody points at your pockets and demands to see rabbit ears, you are unquestionably being accused of theft.

{Josh}: Drake, empty those pockets! I have a $50 bill missing and I'm pretty sure that you took it.
{Drake}: {listlessly pulling things out of his pockets}
{Josh}: Cummon Drake, let's see some rabbit ears!
{Drake pulls his pockets inside-out; a $50 bill flutters to the ground}
{Josh}: I knew it, you lowlife butt wagon! It's a good thing that I won't call the fuzz and have your ass hauled off to the city joint!!!

by Telephony July 9, 2020

Bar Rescue

A program shown on Spike TV that's a documentary / reality show where a man named Jon Taffer finds bars that are going down the toliet for some reason or other (shitty sanitation, crappy management, poopy bar food, seedy crowds, problems with the liquor, hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, etc. and then retrains the bar & kitchen staff for new food & drink recipes and rebuilds the bar itself in hopes that the new branding and new food & bar menus will bring back customers.

I'm gonna watch Bar Rescue on the telly tonight to see if Jon Taffer can pull The Purple People-Eater out of the dumper.

by Telephony April 24, 2015

muckie

Mud; usually combined with at least 50% animal waste such as pig poop, horse puckey, bull shit, elephant dung, rabbit pellets, etc.

♪ The Candyman makes, ♪
♪ Everything he bakes, ♪
♪ Really really fucking yucky. ♪
♪ You'll end up knee-deep in muckie, ♪
♪ What a big load of horse puckey! ♪

by Telephony September 29, 2019

Uranus

The seventh planet from the Sun, classified as an ice giant. Uranus is basically a large ball of hydrogen, methane, helium, and, to a lesser extent, ammonia which imparts a blue color. It is also very cold, with temperatures in the neighbourhood of 357° F (-216° C).

The name has become the butt (pun not intended) of many ass jokes; I think you can see why.

Some astronomers pronounce it, "ūr′·ə·nəs" (YERR'uh ness) in order to help stem the tide of Uranus-related ass jokes while others still prefer the original pronunciation, "ū·rā′·nəs" (your ANUS).

Look in this new Celestron telescope! See that little blue thing? That's Uranus.

by Telephony February 20, 2018

5th of July

The day when you walk down the street and see things such as sticks from bottle rockets, and remnants of Roman candles scattered in lawns and in gutters, and the occasional "banana peeled" mailbox that got that way because some asshaberdasher shoved a lighted M80 or M500 illegal firecracker into it the night before.

Hey Jimbo, check out that demolished mailbox!
Must be the 5th of July or something!

by Telephony July 3, 2014

asshole thermometer

Another name for a rectal thermometer.

Hey Jerry, don't put that fucking thing in your mouth cos it's an asshole thermometer!

by Telephony May 15, 2016

woodpeckerhead

A woodpecker (sp. Picidae) that, from some angles, its head looks like a pecker (dick, cock, willie, johnson, penus, penis, etc. is known as a woodpeckerhead.

Look at the head of that woodpecker over there! It's a woodpeckerhead!!!

by Telephony April 6, 2015