monkeyfuck

(noun) Meaningless expletive similar to "rat's ass" or "ratfuck," only more emphatic, a monkeyfuck being a step up from not giving a rat's ass or not giving a monkeyfuck.

I told him that I didn't give a rat's ass if he didn't like my fucking his girlfriend and he said he didn't give a monkeyfuck if I didn't like the beating he was gonna give me. Anyway, that's why I'm in the hospital. The doctors here don't give a monkeyfuck ... I almost never see one ... and my catheter bag is overflowing and is starting to turn bloody.

ratfuck don't give a fuck don't give a rat's ass don't give a ratfuck fuck-a-doodle-doo

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 22, 2014

smugshot

A police or other law enforcement mugshot taken of an alleged criminal who poses with a pouting or smug expression, sometimes with a mischievous smirk not caused by being drunk or otherwise intoxicated and which indicates that the defendant believes he or she will beat the charge or charges against him or her quite easily when, in reality, said defendant has absolutely no chance of beating the rap because of the overwhelming evidence that exists against him, oftentimes including his own video recorded evidence of him stupidly committing the crime in the moronic desire to post his crime on YouTube.

Cop #1: Did you see Rick Perry's smugshot?
Cop #2: Yeah. Sad thing is, he'll probably totally get away with it. He's such a rich cunt with no conception of reality.
Cop #1: Well, at least he executes innocent people for the state of Texas and doesn't apologize for it.
Cop #2: Yeah, he's a total fuckin' monster. Lindsay Lohan photo op Paris Hiltonograph

by THE DOOMED STUFFING November 04, 2014

WikiSnob

A snob who trolls facebook comments for any reference to Wikipedia as a source, always to denounce any fact, however true it might be, merely because it has been sourced to Wikipedia, ignoring the fact that the supercomputer Watson, which cannot be beaten by humans on the television show "Jeopardy," uses Wikipedia, as well as other internet resources, to destroy its human challengers

I commented to the global warming theory-denying Ph.D. that he probably still thought that the Earth is round, and he said I must've read about global warming on Wikipedia, and when I called him a WikiSnob, he called me an idiot and blocked me. flat-earther Galileo-guard de-evolutionary creationist doctorate of cryptometeorological denialism academic Exxon whore

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 16, 2014

pissitancy

Extreme urinary hesitancy after initially beginning a stream of urine, caused by either a rather huge enlarged prostate gland moved while fingering one's own taint or an abrupt discontinuation of said urine stream from a sudden psychological reverie about a hot young actresses' vagina being damply placed upon one's now fully erect penis

I had such a bad bout of pissitancy yesterday after I saw that teenage vampire TV show that I thought I might have to find a real vampiress to come in and drain the neck of my dick before my second head imploded! carpel-pudendum syndrome bladder cockjacking funnelblocking prostapediment urethral sludgitis pissluggishness

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 16, 2014

slimber

(from the combination of the words slumber and slimmer) To fall asleep on one's own enormous ass or belly and dream vividly about being thin, only to awaken suddenly to the nightmarish reality of one's own putrescent obesity

Goddamn, Skinny Pete, I ate two whole fried chickens last night and went into a deep slimber, and then I wake up to your naked skeleton ass walking around the dorm room ... you gotta start wearin' clothes or I'm gonna have to change to another dorm room!

lightmare skinny dream voguemare beverlyhills z's beach delusion emaciation psychosis lean dream

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 23, 2014

bridge-guarding

1.) Defending, through acts of aggressive trolling, the internet websites and facebook pages where an inordinately large number of conspiracy theorists and other wackos make comments like, "U suck an yor sight is a peace of shit and ur mothas a cunt." Usually the act of bridge-guarding requires the talents of a persistent and eloquent troll who has the ability to spell correctly, thus intimidating his subject victims merely by the fact that said subject victims have an inferiority complex due to their lack of education and their usually abysmal intellectual shortcomings. A troll who engages in bridge-guarding must be merciless but also must recognize when one of his subject victims may be about to commit suicide or harm others -- at which time the ethical bridge-guard will link to a national suicide hotline phone number and a website advocating for the treatment of mental health problems. 2.) the act of preventing a loved one's boyfriend from taking the loved one out for a night of binge drinking for the purpose of committing date rape, usually accomplished by punching the potential assailant as hard as possible in his groin and telling him, "When she comes home, if she's not sober and pleased with your gentlemanly conduct, I'm going to kill you, cut your head off, and drop you off a bridge and into a river." (An almost universally successful technique).

Asshole #1: Dude, I totally got bridge-guarded by her father last night!
Asshole #2: Too bad ... I was totally lookin' forward to fuckin' her brains out while she was unconscious.
Asshole #3: Yeah ... let's go post some comments on the CDC's Facebook page about how we think Obama is bringing Ebola into America.
Asshole #1: Fuck that. That chick's father is bridge-guarding that site ... and he always makes fun of my conspiracy theories and then puts up a link to Merriam-Webster's website and the National Suicide Hotline. That dude is TOTALLY fucking crazy and DANGEROUS! trolling cock-blocking

by THE DOOMED STUFFING November 04, 2014

gurgeln

The act of gargling particularly stinky semen that may or may not be somewhat pustular from the German word "gurgeln" meaning "to gargle"

That whore doesn't care if she's gurgeln or singing the National Anthem!

by THE DOOMED STUFFING November 07, 2014