pissitancy

Extreme urinary hesitancy after initially beginning a stream of urine, caused by either a rather huge enlarged prostate gland moved while fingering one's own taint or an abrupt discontinuation of said urine stream from a sudden psychological reverie about a hot young actresses' vagina being damply placed upon one's now fully erect penis

I had such a bad bout of pissitancy yesterday after I saw that teenage vampire TV show that I thought I might have to find a real vampiress to come in and drain the neck of my dick before my second head imploded! carpel-pudendum syndrome bladder cockjacking funnelblocking prostapediment urethral sludgitis pissluggishness

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 16, 2014

smugshot

A police or other law enforcement mugshot taken of an alleged criminal who poses with a pouting or smug expression, sometimes with a mischievous smirk not caused by being drunk or otherwise intoxicated and which indicates that the defendant believes he or she will beat the charge or charges against him or her quite easily when, in reality, said defendant has absolutely no chance of beating the rap because of the overwhelming evidence that exists against him, oftentimes including his own video recorded evidence of him stupidly committing the crime in the moronic desire to post his crime on YouTube.

Cop #1: Did you see Rick Perry's smugshot?
Cop #2: Yeah. Sad thing is, he'll probably totally get away with it. He's such a rich cunt with no conception of reality.
Cop #1: Well, at least he executes innocent people for the state of Texas and doesn't apologize for it.
Cop #2: Yeah, he's a total fuckin' monster. Lindsay Lohan photo op Paris Hiltonograph

by THE DOOMED STUFFING November 04, 2014

WikiSnob

A snob who trolls facebook comments for any reference to Wikipedia as a source, always to denounce any fact, however true it might be, merely because it has been sourced to Wikipedia, ignoring the fact that the supercomputer Watson, which cannot be beaten by humans on the television show "Jeopardy," uses Wikipedia, as well as other internet resources, to destroy its human challengers

I commented to the global warming theory-denying Ph.D. that he probably still thought that the Earth is round, and he said I must've read about global warming on Wikipedia, and when I called him a WikiSnob, he called me an idiot and blocked me. flat-earther Galileo-guard de-evolutionary creationist doctorate of cryptometeorological denialism academic Exxon whore

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 16, 2014

bridge-guarding

1.) Defending, through acts of aggressive trolling, the internet websites and facebook pages where an inordinately large number of conspiracy theorists and other wackos make comments like, "U suck an yor sight is a peace of shit and ur mothas a cunt." Usually the act of bridge-guarding requires the talents of a persistent and eloquent troll who has the ability to spell correctly, thus intimidating his subject victims merely by the fact that said subject victims have an inferiority complex due to their lack of education and their usually abysmal intellectual shortcomings. A troll who engages in bridge-guarding must be merciless but also must recognize when one of his subject victims may be about to commit suicide or harm others -- at which time the ethical bridge-guard will link to a national suicide hotline phone number and a website advocating for the treatment of mental health problems. 2.) the act of preventing a loved one's boyfriend from taking the loved one out for a night of binge drinking for the purpose of committing date rape, usually accomplished by punching the potential assailant as hard as possible in his groin and telling him, "When she comes home, if she's not sober and pleased with your gentlemanly conduct, I'm going to kill you, cut your head off, and drop you off a bridge and into a river." (An almost universally successful technique).

Asshole #1: Dude, I totally got bridge-guarded by her father last night!
Asshole #2: Too bad ... I was totally lookin' forward to fuckin' her brains out while she was unconscious.
Asshole #3: Yeah ... let's go post some comments on the CDC's Facebook page about how we think Obama is bringing Ebola into America.
Asshole #1: Fuck that. That chick's father is bridge-guarding that site ... and he always makes fun of my conspiracy theories and then puts up a link to Merriam-Webster's website and the National Suicide Hotline. That dude is TOTALLY fucking crazy and DANGEROUS! trolling cock-blocking

by THE DOOMED STUFFING November 04, 2014

gooping

Using Google to gather information from its accounts without having reasonable suspicion, probable cause, or a proper warrant signed by a judge, which is required when law enforcement or agents of the government collect information, which is really protected by the Fourth Amendment of the United States, an amendment that is routinely and quite commonly ignored whenever it comes to anything on the internet

Agent Joe Friday was gooping all over the FBI offices yesterday, moving from one computer to the next, consistently violating the Fourth Amendment and thus contributing to the total lack of respect that young people have for personal liberties facearresting facebooking and arraignment

by THE DOOMED STUFFING November 03, 2014

the meaning of life

Esoteric phrase used often by people who think there is a meaning to life. Life, by its scientific nature, exists for no other reason than it does -- caused by evolutionary forces that began billions of years ago and which resulted ultimately in a creature that thinks everything has to have a meaning; also, death has no meaning ... get used to it and try to live as happily as you can before you're run over by a bus or your heart explodes because you've eaten too many cheeseburgers all your meaningless life

Don, what do you think the meaning of life is?
Fuck you, Jim ... and quit eating all my fucking French fries, you fucking dime-store philosopher!

cheeseburger death life philosophy realism existential nihilism pragmatism

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 29, 2014

grapewrath

(From the novel "The Grapes of Wrath," wherein at the climax of the novel the character Rose of Sharon suckles a starving man after her nursing baby dies) To suck on a woman's lactating breasts and get milk from them, sometimes accidentally, sometimes on purpose

Mitch: "I was suckin' on Melanie's tits last night while she was falling asleep and I swallowed some of the baby's milk."
Mitch's friend: "Awesome, dude! You grapewrath a lot?"
Mitch (frowning): "It wasn't awesome, dude. Grapewrathing isn't as enjoyable as babies make it seem."

suckling breastfeeding lactation mooching accidental colostrum milking mama before the cow

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 26, 2014