THE DOOMED STUFFING's definitions

purple unicorned

A condition caused by dropping a hit of LSD and waiting for an hour for the effects of the hallucinogen only to be disappointed that the dose was a total dud, so you take another dose and the first dose starts to kick in twenty minutes later, and then twenty minutes later the second dose begins to take effect, and within the next hour you find yourself in the middle of a parallel universe fucking a carnival ride horse that speaks in tongues; usually this state ends in arrest for multiple felonies and a good lesson learned: LSD results may vary.

1st tripper: I totally got purple unicorned last night?
2nd tripper: How come you're not in jail?
1st tripper: The carnival was closed and I just ended up in a pasture fuckin' a cow.
2nd tripper: How was she?
1st tripper: Fine ... until the bull showed up.

by THE DOOMED STUFFING November 8, 2014

facenazi

a troll or regular commenter on facebook public pages who makes ethnically or culturally insensitive, bigoted, prejudicial, or downright racist comments without fear of ever being blocked by facebook's esoteric community standards policy, no matter how unabashedly racist the comment might be

face-ist bigot trollist neo-Nazi friend-requested Hitler Klanbooker

"Did I just read that comment correctly from this facenazi?"
"What'd she say?"
"That black people don't wash themselves."
"Block her or report her to facebook."
"I reported her, but they say she hasn't violated any community standards and won't remove the comment."
"Welcome to free speech, I guess. All I can say is, you should comment that her vagina smells like her father's penis."
"I did. And facebook removed my comment."

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 27, 2014

grapewrath

(From the novel "The Grapes of Wrath," wherein at the climax of the novel the character Rose of Sharon suckles a starving man after her nursing baby dies) To suck on a woman's lactating breasts and get milk from them, sometimes accidentally, sometimes on purpose

Mitch: "I was suckin' on Melanie's tits last night while she was falling asleep and I swallowed some of the baby's milk."
Mitch's friend: "Awesome, dude! You grapewrath a lot?"
Mitch (frowning): "It wasn't awesome, dude. Grapewrathing isn't as enjoyable as babies make it seem."

suckling breastfeeding lactation mooching accidental colostrum milking mama before the cow

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 26, 2014

seizure-and-forfeiture

A law in the United States, since 1984; law enforcement authorities are allowed to confiscate cash money they have reason to believe has not been legitimately obtained, and even if no charges are filed against the person whose cash is confiscated the owner must go to court to prove legitimate ownership of the confiscated cash; also known as legal robbery, this confiscated cash often goes towards funding helicopters for rural sheriff's departments and assault vehicles for Podunk towns that have no real use for them

Why are you taking my money, officer ... I was saving up to buy a motorboat with it .... What do you mean, I seem suspicious? What the fuck is seizure-and-forfeiture?

legal robbery civilian asset dispersion possession of cash suspicious money-holder guilty until proven innocent drug-war funding

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 24, 2014

nutmegging

The ill-advised consumption of the common household spice Myristica fragrans, which, when taken in large quantities (about a tablespoon or more), will cause a minor inebriation characterized by light-headedness and intermittent mild euphoria alternating with the horrible side effects of intense nausea, severe headache, heart palpitations, abdominal pain, bone pain, muscle aches, and delirium; a cheap and unpleasant high commonly sought after by those without access to decent, safer drugs like marijuana, cocaine, opiates, and almost anything else besides Drano. May cause liver damage.

Friend #1: Man, I wish we had some pot. Mom's got nutmeg. You wanna do some nutmegging?
Friend #2: Fuck you, man ... the last time we did that I couldn't shit for three days and I felt like I wished I was only sick with a terrible case of the fucking FLU! I'll never forgive you for that SHIT!
Friend #1: SORRY! Instead of nutmegging, you wanna inhale some gasoline fumes?
Friend #2: Yeah, that'll suck ... but at least it's not fucking NUTMEGGING! I'll get the gas can and the paper bag.
Friend #1: Cool. You're a real friend. stupid Colorado medical emergency

by THE DOOMED STUFFING November 4, 2014

the meaning of life

Esoteric phrase used often by people who think there is a meaning to life. Life, by its scientific nature, exists for no other reason than it does -- caused by evolutionary forces that began billions of years ago and which resulted ultimately in a creature that thinks everything has to have a meaning; also, death has no meaning ... get used to it and try to live as happily as you can before you're run over by a bus or your heart explodes because you've eaten too many cheeseburgers all your meaningless life

Don, what do you think the meaning of life is?
Fuck you, Jim ... and quit eating all my fucking French fries, you fucking dime-store philosopher!

cheeseburger death life philosophy realism existential nihilism pragmatism

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 29, 2014

monkeyfuck

(noun) Meaningless expletive similar to "rat's ass" or "ratfuck," only more emphatic, a monkeyfuck being a step up from not giving a rat's ass or not giving a monkeyfuck.

I told him that I didn't give a rat's ass if he didn't like my fucking his girlfriend and he said he didn't give a monkeyfuck if I didn't like the beating he was gonna give me. Anyway, that's why I'm in the hospital. The doctors here don't give a monkeyfuck ... I almost never see one ... and my catheter bag is overflowing and is starting to turn bloody.

ratfuck don't give a fuck don't give a rat's ass don't give a ratfuck fuck-a-doodle-doo

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 22, 2014