THE DOOMED STUFFING's definitions

seizure-and-forfeiture

A law in the United States, since 1984; law enforcement authorities are allowed to confiscate cash money they have reason to believe has not been legitimately obtained, and even if no charges are filed against the person whose cash is confiscated the owner must go to court to prove legitimate ownership of the confiscated cash; also known as legal robbery, this confiscated cash often goes towards funding helicopters for rural sheriff's departments and assault vehicles for Podunk towns that have no real use for them

Why are you taking my money, officer ... I was saving up to buy a motorboat with it .... What do you mean, I seem suspicious? What the fuck is seizure-and-forfeiture?

legal robbery civilian asset dispersion possession of cash suspicious money-holder guilty until proven innocent drug-war funding

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 24, 2014

nutmegging

The ill-advised consumption of the common household spice Myristica fragrans, which, when taken in large quantities (about a tablespoon or more), will cause a minor inebriation characterized by light-headedness and intermittent mild euphoria alternating with the horrible side effects of intense nausea, severe headache, heart palpitations, abdominal pain, bone pain, muscle aches, and delirium; a cheap and unpleasant high commonly sought after by those without access to decent, safer drugs like marijuana, cocaine, opiates, and almost anything else besides Drano. May cause liver damage.

Friend #1: Man, I wish we had some pot. Mom's got nutmeg. You wanna do some nutmegging?
Friend #2: Fuck you, man ... the last time we did that I couldn't shit for three days and I felt like I wished I was only sick with a terrible case of the fucking FLU! I'll never forgive you for that SHIT!
Friend #1: SORRY! Instead of nutmegging, you wanna inhale some gasoline fumes?
Friend #2: Yeah, that'll suck ... but at least it's not fucking NUTMEGGING! I'll get the gas can and the paper bag.
Friend #1: Cool. You're a real friend. stupid Colorado medical emergency

by THE DOOMED STUFFING November 4, 2014

monkeyfuck

(noun) Meaningless expletive similar to "rat's ass" or "ratfuck," only more emphatic, a monkeyfuck being a step up from not giving a rat's ass or not giving a monkeyfuck.

I told him that I didn't give a rat's ass if he didn't like my fucking his girlfriend and he said he didn't give a monkeyfuck if I didn't like the beating he was gonna give me. Anyway, that's why I'm in the hospital. The doctors here don't give a monkeyfuck ... I almost never see one ... and my catheter bag is overflowing and is starting to turn bloody.

ratfuck don't give a fuck don't give a rat's ass don't give a ratfuck fuck-a-doodle-doo

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 22, 2014

charlie brown

An accidental fecal discharge caused by overexcitement due to being sexually touched by a female who is way out of one's league, as when the "Peanuts" character Charlie Brown has the football taken away from him by Lucy Van Pelt just as he is about to kick it; a mere fart or mild shart does not count as a "charlie brown" due to the fact that one might easily recover sexual activity with aforementioned hot chick, whereas a full dump is almost certainly a fashion-model fuck deal-breaker

Dude ... don't tell anyone about this ... but I had a date with you-know-who last night. Yeah, I know. Fantastic, huh? Fuck you, dude! That pot roast your mother made us totally made me charlie brown it! Stop laughing, asshole! It's not funny!

premature post-sex BM stinky date-breaker bowel cock-blocker intestinal disfortitude brown-bagging it steaming goodnighter

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 21, 2014

lawn police

pejorative used to describe a neighbor or group of neighbors who are excessively critical and vocal, sometimes bordering on being persecutive, about the condition of other people's lawns

Willard often mowed his neighbors' lawns just before they were going to mow them, and they often referred to him as the lawn police.

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 14, 2014

purple unicorned

A condition caused by dropping a hit of LSD and waiting for an hour for the effects of the hallucinogen only to be disappointed that the dose was a total dud, so you take another dose and the first dose starts to kick in twenty minutes later, and then twenty minutes later the second dose begins to take effect, and within the next hour you find yourself in the middle of a parallel universe fucking a carnival ride horse that speaks in tongues; usually this state ends in arrest for multiple felonies and a good lesson learned: LSD results may vary.

1st tripper: I totally got purple unicorned last night?
2nd tripper: How come you're not in jail?
1st tripper: The carnival was closed and I just ended up in a pasture fuckin' a cow.
2nd tripper: How was she?
1st tripper: Fine ... until the bull showed up.

by THE DOOMED STUFFING November 8, 2014

facenazi

a troll or regular commenter on facebook public pages who makes ethnically or culturally insensitive, bigoted, prejudicial, or downright racist comments without fear of ever being blocked by facebook's esoteric community standards policy, no matter how unabashedly racist the comment might be

face-ist bigot trollist neo-Nazi friend-requested Hitler Klanbooker

"Did I just read that comment correctly from this facenazi?"
"What'd she say?"
"That black people don't wash themselves."
"Block her or report her to facebook."
"I reported her, but they say she hasn't violated any community standards and won't remove the comment."
"Welcome to free speech, I guess. All I can say is, you should comment that her vagina smells like her father's penis."
"I did. And facebook removed my comment."

by THE DOOMED STUFFING May 27, 2014