19 definitions by TESTICLETWISTER

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A sexual feat that requires the aid of a trustworthy pilot, oil, feathers, and a horny countrymen with nothing better to do. A male covers himself in oil, then proceeds to roll around in a pile of feathers. If done correctly, he'll almost appear to be a bird. The male then straps himself into a World War 1 open cockpit bi-plane. At exactly 9,865 feet, the male jumps out of the plane, without a parachute, plummeting towards the ground at terminal velocity. During this time the male becomes aroused, then makes his penis perpendicular to the ground, and then finally flaps his arms imitating a bird like motion before smashing "dick first" into the ground. This feat was first done by the famous Oklahoma resident Harry Sack in 1948 thus, giving the feat the name "1948 Oklahoma Pile Driver". This same feat can be done to a woman however, you would also need to hire a skillful mathematician in order to figure out the exact timing to jump from the aircraft.
Joe: Dude i would totally have sex with Sally
Colin: I wouldn't have sex with her, i'd give her a 1948 Oklahoma Pile Driver!
by TESTICLETWISTER August 08, 2013
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A male is receiving oral sex from a female. Without any explanation, the female begins grunting like an orc. She then, inexplicably, becomes briefly possessed by a horny demon that pulls on your cock with a force that can only be matched with a freight train while letting out a shriek that can be heard within a 20 mile radius. This rare and unfortunate occurrence has been known to permanently bend dicks into a 90 degree angle.
Joe: Last night Bonnie was fucking possessed..

Jack: How so?
Joe: I don't know! She was shrieking and pulling on my dick harder than a freight train!
Jack: Sounds like she's a Demonic Cock Strangler.
by TESTICLETWISTER January 03, 2012
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An extraordinary sexual feat done on the Eve of New Years. A female is bent over, near the fireplace, in front of a bay window inside a two story home. A naked male climbs the roof of the property and secures a makeshift rope out of Christmas lights to a nearby tree. The New Years count down begins... 10....9....8...7...6...5...4..3..2.1. At exactly the strike of midnight, the male let's out a roar before obtaining a gargantuan sized boner, swings down towards the windows, breaks through the window with his erect penis, scrapes his cock against the nearby Christmas tree before igniting his pubes on fire, does a 360 can opener, and slams his cock into the woman's ass while thrusting at the same frequency as a hummingbird flapping its wings. First done by George Foreman, out of frustration, in 1974 when he lost his undefeated record to Muhammad Ali. Unfortunately, as of 2014, this sexual feat has been banned in 49 states. Leaving Little Rock, Arkansas the only legal place for this to be performed.
John: Hey Billy do you mind if Jenny and I stay at your place for a few months?
Billy: For a few months?! What the hell happened to your place?
John: Its burned down after I gave Jenny a New Years Cockswirl.

Billy: You know we live in Austin, Texas right? I'm calling the authorities.
by TESTICLETWISTER December 28, 2014
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A sexual feat that requires much agility. A female is bent over a hard flat surface that comes up to about her waist line. She then turns around and gives a male partner, who is standing exactly 21 feet away, a smile and a wink. The male then pounds on his chest like a silver back gorilla, transitions into a full out sprint before leaping into the air, making his body parallel to the floor, doing a 360 degree spin and slamming his throbbing cock into his female partner. First done by horny Babylonians, present day Iraq, that believed this sort of "sexual ritual" would bare the woman with a boy due to the force exerted on the testicles when they slammed into the females lower abdominal. Present day the feat is purely done for bragging rights.
Colin: Dude, what was going on in your room last night? It sounded like a zoo in there.
Tim: Sorry man, I gave Morgan a Babylonian 360 Testicle Slam.
Colin: Damn! Brita won't even let me do that!
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A sexual act that involves a male and a female. The woman is positioned with her back on the floor and raises her hips and legs in the air so her vagina is parallel with the ceiling. The male then lets out a loud shriek before rushing over to the woman and inserts his penis into her vagina. He then vigorously, and simultaneously, pounds on her vagina like a pair of congo drums. This was first done by horny tribesmen in Swahili centuries ago. However, it was perfected by the Mayans.
Joe: I was feeling kind if diverse last night with Bonnie.

Bob: Ahhhh she gave you the old Swahili Squat Fuck.
by TESTICLETWISTER December 22, 2013
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An item that can be found on the hidden "McDonald's" menu. You walk into your local "McDonald's" restaurant. You quietly get the cashier's attention and whisper,"I'll have a McDeepthroat please." The cashier then pushes a blue button found under the counter. Next, a naked masked man rushes out of a room in the back at full speed, clears the counter and shoves his cock down your throat. This menu item was first discovered by Kermit the Frog in 1986 while doing a stand up act in Norfolk, Virginia. Despite this item's violent, and quite uncomfortable, taste it is still ordered by the occasional soccer mom.
Bill: I'll have a double cheeseburger and i'll go ahead and try the McDeepthroat please.
*Masked naked man comes sprinting out of back room*
Bill: Holy shit!
*Sound of being deepthroated*
by TESTICLETWISTER August 04, 2014
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A sexual feat that requires either the ownership of an automobile, or a temporary rental of one. A male walks into his garage, a grin slowly develops across his face. He opens the hood of his car and clamps the jumper cables to each one of his ass cheeks. Positive on the left, negative on the right. An associate enters the vehicle, starts the motor and revs the engine before the male vigorously, and simultaneously, slams the hood of the car onto his cock, letting out a shriek of enjoyment while several thousand volts of electricity are sent straight to his ass. This was first done in Grand Forks, ND by local resident Partin Mozniak while working on his Volkswagon Beetle one day.
Colin: Hey can you help me out with something in the garage?
Cal: Sure thing!
Colin: Alright hop in the car and start it.
Cal: Alright....
*Engine Starts and Revs*
Cal: This is the third time you've done the Metallic Cock Slam this week....
by TESTICLETWISTER October 25, 2015
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