An unidentified animal living in Loch Ness, the largest body of fresh water in Britain. It first came to the attention of the general public in the thirties when a London surgeon R.K.Wilson took a photo of what looked like the head-and-neck of a dinosaur-like creature. What with The Lost World and RKO's King Kong in the cinema, there was an explosion in public interest. The monster's image, however, was to be forever tainted by the pantomime which followed, in which a game big hunter called Wetherall came to Loch Ness and discovered footprints on the shore. The tracks turned out to have been made by a hippo foot, which was some kind of ashtray or other keepsake. What kind of a big game hunter couldn't work out that they were all hippo tracks made by the same foot I don't know, but he left Loch Ness. In 1994 the now-famous surgeon's photo turned out to be a fake, a model on a toy submarine made by Wetherall - revenge on the world that mocked him. Over the years there have been a number of photos and films of unidentified creatures in Loch Ness. Some have been proved as fakes (to be honest, I wasn't surprised when the surgeon's photo turned out to be a fake. I'd always thought there was something odd about it). But there is still strong film evidence and a lot of eye-witness evidence to support the existence of a long-necked animal of some kind. Modern scientists often dismiss eye-witness evidence as non-evidence. I'm glad they're not running the judicial system, otherwise they'd have every prisoner released. What doesn't help is a decidedly vulgar merchandising industry which has turned the monster into nothing more than a theme park attraction. The official Loch Ness exhibition centre now officially doesn't believe in Nessie anyway. Their cinema now shows visitors a film telling of all the reasons why Nessie is a hoax, accompanied by silly music. You leave the cinema at the end of the film and are then confronted by a shop selling plush Nessies, Nessie mugs, china Nessies, Nessies with tartan hats and endless other over-priced junk. Personally I'm sure there were unidentified animals in Loch Ness until recent years. I think, what with their proven sensitivity to noise, and what with Loch Ness now covered in countless noisy boats of every shape and form, that whatever was in the Loch has either died out or returned to the sea never to return. Either way, I think it's better for the welfare of these creatures that their existence is never proved.
Newsflash, 3/4/2011:
The existence of long-necked creatures in Loch Ness has been proved. Now every science laboratory in the world wants one to dissect. Every zoo wants one, and every gourmand in the world wants to taste the flesh of one in some revoltingly over-priced restaurant.
Within the year, the loch ness monster will be as dead as dodos and Stellar's sea cows.
The existence of long-necked creatures in Loch Ness has been proved. Now every science laboratory in the world wants one to dissect. Every zoo wants one, and every gourmand in the world wants to taste the flesh of one in some revoltingly over-priced restaurant.
Within the year, the loch ness monster will be as dead as dodos and Stellar's sea cows.
by StormSworder August 17, 2006
Person from the East End of London. Supposedly 'born with the sound of bow-bells'. When I used to live in Houghton Regis there were some next door, and they talked and acted nothing like the ones in Eastenders (most of whom are posh actors trying to sound working class). And let's be honest, a lot of TV producers are lovies and darlings who seem to think working class people (especially cockneys) are automatically criminals. Alright, I'm sure there are criminals in the East End. But thanks to a succession of useless, soft-head, corrupt UK governments, there are bloody villains everywhere you go in Britain. Counties around the south of England tend of be full of 'mockneys' - total arseholes who think putting on a fake cockney accent makes them sound hard (but don't tell their mummies).
Mo Slater has stolen a baby's cot and is now selling it like the heartless criminal she is. Egads! You nasty evil cockney!
Oh, go smell the coffee, BBC.
Oh, go smell the coffee, BBC.
by StormSworder August 12, 2006
Supposedly an online encyclopedia, this is little more than a haven for porn, obscenities and rather childish insults. Presumably someone who was banned from wikipedia for thinking crude language and playground behaviour was an alternative to facts or humour has set up his own website in which he can be spiteful and pathetic until the cows come home.
Man #1: "I want to start posting things to an online website, but unfortunately I have no knowledge about anything and have the sense of humour of a boat hook".
Mam 2#: "Never mind. There's always encyclopedia dramatica".
Mam 2#: "Never mind. There's always encyclopedia dramatica".
by Stormsworder May 20, 2007
A cock (bird) wakes up and shouts: "Cock-a-doodle-do!"
A slut wakes up and shouts "Any-cock-will-do!"
A slut wakes up and shouts "Any-cock-will-do!"
Slut said to me: "The guy I went with last night insisted on caning my backside before he had sex with me. It reminded me of being sent to the headmaster's office back at school. The only difference was the headmaster never bothered with the caning bit".
by Stormsworder January 25, 2007
A threat to road safety, these kinds of so-called drivers spend their time wolf-whistling at women, making stupid gestures with their hands at passers-by and generally carrying on as though they're on the dodgems. They can be found in vans of any colour, or other vehicles such as lorries, but the white van seems to have become traditional with people whose IQs are lower than their shoe size. They are often fat and reckon they're well'ard and'll give yer a slap, yer know wot I mean, mate?
A short guide to white van man hand signals.
Middle finger = "This is the number of my IQ"
Hand-cranking gesture = "This is what I do often because I can't pull a bird on account of too many of them having a brain".
Honking their horn = "I'm a complete inadequate and my vehicle's an altermnative to a dick".
Middle finger = "This is the number of my IQ"
Hand-cranking gesture = "This is what I do often because I can't pull a bird on account of too many of them having a brain".
Honking their horn = "I'm a complete inadequate and my vehicle's an altermnative to a dick".
by Stormsworder January 05, 2007
1: What people continue to let their dogs do despite so-called laws.
2: What the council do by putting up all those hideous new lamp posts (usually featureless metal posts with shapeless lumps of plastic on top of them, resembling giant golf clubs). Thanks to carefree, penny-pinching councils, we now have old town and village centres looking like football pitches full of floodlights. We also have landfill sights struggling to cope with the thousands of perfectly good lamp posts which have been removed due to pointless rules and regulations.
2: What the council do by putting up all those hideous new lamp posts (usually featureless metal posts with shapeless lumps of plastic on top of them, resembling giant golf clubs). Thanks to carefree, penny-pinching councils, we now have old town and village centres looking like football pitches full of floodlights. We also have landfill sights struggling to cope with the thousands of perfectly good lamp posts which have been removed due to pointless rules and regulations.
Howcome the council don't get fined for fouling the pavement. Go away and take your cheap rubbish with you.
by Stormsworder October 25, 2006
1: A two-legged flesh-eating dinosaur.
2: A terrible Jurassic Park cash-in of the same name. The film Carnosaur incredibly managed to spawn two (even worse) sequals.
2: A terrible Jurassic Park cash-in of the same name. The film Carnosaur incredibly managed to spawn two (even worse) sequals.
by StormSworder August 31, 2006