StormSworder's definitions

brazilian wandering spider

Brazilian wandering spider is the name used to describe any spider of the genus phoneutria. There are five in total, and they are large hairy spindly-looking spiders with leg-spans which can reach up to 5 inches or more. Two pairs of their eight eyes are large, and they do not make webs, instead go hunting for prey. This can cause problems, as they have the most active venom of any living spiders. One of their number, the Brazilian Huntsman, is thought to be the most venomous spider in the world. Brazilian wandering spiders are certainly dangerous, bite more people than any other spiders. They are fast-moving, their legs are strong and spiny and they have destinctive red jaws which they display when angered. These spiders are quite capable of jumping onto a broom used to fend them off, can also leap out of banana bunches carried over the shoulder and bite whoever is carrying the fruit. One species, the Brazilian Armed Spider, is quite amazingly aggressive and has the largest venom glands of any spider. Since the introduction of anti-toxins, there have been few recorded fatalities, and finding one of these spiders in imported fruit is unlikely what with modern safety precautions. the name Brazilian wandering spider is actually inaccurate, as these spiders are found all over South America.

It's worth pointing out that a Brazilian wandering spider is not a tarantula. They're not even in the same family group. Tarantulas are harmless to humans, are mostly ambush killers who wait for prey to come to them. Brazilian wandering spiders are active hunters. Brazilian wandering spiders and tarantulas do have one thing in common, however. They don't eat bananas. I'm quite amazed people think this is the case.

by StormSworder August 16, 2006

sly cooper

A raccoon who was heir to a book about how to steal stuff, but unfortunately the book itself was stolen. A sign of our times. So, with the help of a thing that looks like a bishop's crook, a pink hippo and a tortoise, you must embark on a mission across the world to recover Sly's trousers. The three games that follow are so bloody tedious I'd advise him to stay at home and take up fly-fishing and full-contact scrabble instead.

Hey, so Sly's games are boring and Sly himself is a weed. But on the other hand you get to play a raccoon with no trousers, and you can climb all over a big fox-woman with massive jugs, and things like that are far more important! Sly Cooper for furry of the month! Wahay!

by Stormsworder September 7, 2007

michael howard

A politician in the UK's Conservative party. When he was Home Secretary he was frowned on for locking a lot of people up. However, when the Blair governmnent released them all again, people realised maybe the general public were safer whilst violent criminals were behind bars. Howard was the victim of the lookist spin-doctor culture who used the "something of the night about him" comment to great effect. He became leader of the opposition when the Tories suddenly realised they had forgotten to elect a new leader after their 2001 defeat, and lasted almonst a fortnight (which is quite good by modern Tory standards).

"Why would anyone bother boting for Michael Howard the vampire? We've already got the New Labour bloodsuckers, after all".

by Stormsworder October 20, 2007

Internet hardman

An internet hardman is someone who goes online in chat rooms, message boards and the like and insults, belittles and abuses other people. His avatar will probably be some image that gives the impression he's a hardcase, and he'll probably have some tagline like "Shut the fuck up" or "Who you dissin" or "When the master's talking you shut it". But if you were to meet this person face to face you would probably find he is either a skinny or dumpy nerd with thick glasses and his vest tucked into his skidmark-stained y-fronts, has no social life to speak of, has a relationship with a collection of porno mags and has never spoken to a girl.

"I am the Internet Hardman. You are a sad loser and an idiot".
"Fuck off back to your smelly bedroom, you no-life waste of space".

by Stormsworder June 23, 2009

virgin

1: An island or other piece of land which is undiscovered.

2: A person or animal who has never had sex. This could be for a variety of reasons, but if there were more virgins there might be less STDs, less unwanted pregnancies and less babies who grow up being ignored by their uninterested parents, having no chance in life at all and ending up in the gutter or on drugs. The problem is that people are so often made to feel that admitting you're a virgin is akin to admitting you're a leper.

I'm sure most virgins have had sex on their own, if you get my drift. Despite us humans claiming we're superior to animals, primal instincts are still within us.

Schoolgirls:

Emma: So, Rachel. You had sex yet?
Rachel: No. I'm only thirteen. Anyway, I'm going to save myself for the right man.
Emma and her friends laugh and start chanting 'Rachel's a virgin'.

by StormSworder August 11, 2006

scorpion

Arachnids with lobster-like pincers and tails bearing stingers. Scorpions have existed for a long time (the oldest known fossils are 400 million years old, and some early scorpions were much bigger than those of today - the fossilized Brontoscorpio and Gigantoscorpio are estimated to have been a metre long each in life). Scorpions possess a pair of feather-like forms under their stomachs which they use to 'feel' the ground for vibrations which could tell of nearby predators or prey. When mating, the male scorpion grasps the female by the pincers, deposits a 'package' of sperm onto the ground and then pulls the female over it, so she can lower herself and absorb it through an opening in her body. Despite their fearsome reputation, scorpions are not all dangerous. In fact many, like the Emperor Scorpions from West Africa and Black Forest Scorpions from Asia are harmless. A way of determining as to whether a scorpion may be dangerous is to look at its pincers. Harmless scorpions like Emperors and Black Forests have large strong pincers and relatively small tails. At the other end of the scale are the dreaded Fat-tail Scorpions, which have small, slender pincers and large muscular tails which can drive their deadly stingers through shoes. Scorpions exist in tropical, desert and scrubland environments.

Emperor Scorpions, Redclaw Scorpions, Black Forest Scorpions, Egyptian Gold Scorpions - all harmless, as I can assure you since I've kept them as pets in the past.
I'd just like to mention Spike, the grandmother of my family of Emperor Scorpions (now sadly all deceased). RIP Spike.

by StormSworder August 14, 2006

Plushophile

Someone who has some kind of relationship with a plush (a furry toy). This person is not automatically perverted. They may just be unable to mix with other people socially. I'm sure there are some such people who do nothing more than look after their plush, care for it and cuddle it in front of the TV as though it was a person. On the other end of the scale, however, I think the 'inflatable doll' mentality is taken to severe extremes. Plushophiles who have full-sex relationships with their cuddly toys make a hole between the toy's legs and....well, you can guess the rest.

A certain type of plushophile seems to have misunderstood what 'taking a cuddly toy to bed' means.

by Stormsworder May 30, 2007