Eye and a half

One and a half eyes is two eyes that are close enough together that you can't tell if the person has one eye or two full eyes.

That guy did outsmoke you every time you got high with him, but he ended up permanently cross eyed, with about an eye and a half.

by Solid Mantis April 3, 2021

Hypocrite

A dangerous person watching for dangerous people.

The hypocrite who tried to break in the house watched for suspicious activity. Suspicion followed him/her, but did not follow other people.

by Solid Mantis August 28, 2019

Normal

Life has always been a bit dysfunctional for most people. That hasn't changed due to the pandemic, and it's not going to change after the pandemic.

There is no such thing as normal, and there is no such thing as a new normal. Life will remain dysfunctional for most people no matter what comes their way.

by Solid Mantis February 11, 2021

Guidelines

A way to try and force people to behave in a way they've never behaved before while calling it a new normal.

The guidelines and restrictions were a totalitarian government taking shape.

by Solid Mantis December 1, 2020

Second chance

Some people try to make the point that you only get so many second chances. Once you get past one second chance, you don't get any more second chances, you're already on your third chance.

Once you die, you stop at the second chance, the fourth chance, or the chance you were on, but you never get another second chance after you've had one second chance.

by Solid Mantis April 5, 2020

Hope

Hope is given by the weak, and it makes people weak.

People don't need hope to live.

by Solid Mantis September 16, 2020

Whining

Never letting somebody hear the end of your griping.

Police officer- If you call 911 one more time complaining about some guy hitting you or being abusive, you're gonna be in big trouble ma'am.
Whining girl- It's funny now that it's over isn't it?
Police Officer- Nobody thinks you're funny anymore Percy. If your daddy wasn't the warden, we could stop spending so much of our time locking people up over stupidity.

by Solid Mantis February 22, 2021