Sir Bartholomew McTavish's definitions
crackmail is what it is called when a woman, uses her crack to shut a moaning husband, boyfriend up when he finds out something she didn't want known.
Steve: So, what happened when you confronted your missus about doing that hardcore porno behind your back, when she was supposed to be going to see her ill Mother?
Dave: I got crackmailed by the Bitch.
Dave: I got crackmailed by the Bitch.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 22, 2008
Get the crackmailmug. MAN#1: Look at that old lady, I bet she's going to bend a quack
MAN#2: No she's not, she just picking up her car keys.
OLD LADY: Excuse me young man, where are the toilets? I've just shat meself on account of the quack I just bent.
MAN#2: No she's not, she just picking up her car keys.
OLD LADY: Excuse me young man, where are the toilets? I've just shat meself on account of the quack I just bent.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 25, 2010
Get the bend a quackmug. The exact word to describe the level of non sanity of Ming the Merciless from the Flash Gordon universe.
Why any hero would be named after an all purpose cleaner is beyond me.
Why any hero would be named after an all purpose cleaner is beyond me.
After Ming was impaled on Flash's ship in the 1980s movie of the same name, as Flash.
Dale: You just impaled him with that spaceship!
Flash: Yeah, I know. I kick ass don't I?
Dale: That Ming was mad.
Flash: Yeah, you could say he was 'Mingsane'
Dale: Oh Flash, you're so funny.
Flash: I know. Shall we make out and laugh at Brian Blessed's pants?
Dale: Oh yes please, then I'd like to recieve your seed, on top of that spiky spinning platform thing where that dude's eyes popped out.
Flash: Yeah. I'm great aren't I? I play football.
Dale: You just impaled him with that spaceship!
Flash: Yeah, I know. I kick ass don't I?
Dale: That Ming was mad.
Flash: Yeah, you could say he was 'Mingsane'
Dale: Oh Flash, you're so funny.
Flash: I know. Shall we make out and laugh at Brian Blessed's pants?
Dale: Oh yes please, then I'd like to recieve your seed, on top of that spiky spinning platform thing where that dude's eyes popped out.
Flash: Yeah. I'm great aren't I? I play football.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish February 17, 2009
Get the mingsanemug. Some drunken idiot who thinks he's a superhero and tries to wrestle the dustbins outside his own house.
A true 'Fissedasapartman' is identified as a man who loses the fight to his bins and or wakes up next to his bins,
covered in catshit and in the nip with a banana wedged in his butt cheeks. (Put there by kind-meaning neighbours.)
A true 'Fissedasapartman' is identified as a man who loses the fight to his bins and or wakes up next to his bins,
covered in catshit and in the nip with a banana wedged in his butt cheeks. (Put there by kind-meaning neighbours.)
1)A Fissedasapartman is any male/semi-male from any city / town / hovel North,South,East or West, out on the town around four in the morning to be found trying to chat up a cigarette machine and pulling said device.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish January 1, 2008
Get the Fissedasapartmanmug. The tackle you spunk with. Testicles and Penis. Cock and Balls. Twig and Gigggle Berries. Meat and Two Veg. Strawberry Shaft and Vanilla Scoops. Testicle (Pronounced testiclay) & Poking Rod...etc...
PETER: Andy, what's the matter?
ANDY: My wife kicked me in me spunk tackle.
PETER: Dannielle? Whatever for?
ANDY: Coz I said she was a stupid fat fucking minge muncher who was worse in bed that her comatose Mother.
(Brief moment of silence then a hefty High-Five.)
ANDY: My wife kicked me in me spunk tackle.
PETER: Dannielle? Whatever for?
ANDY: Coz I said she was a stupid fat fucking minge muncher who was worse in bed that her comatose Mother.
(Brief moment of silence then a hefty High-Five.)
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 16, 2008
Get the spunk tacklemug. Simple congregruity of 'tri', meaning third and nipple. The correct adjective for a third nipple. Can be pronounced 'try-nipple' but 'trin-ipple' sounds funnier.
Ozzie: Hey, did you see Lily Allen whip out her trinipple?
Keith: No,
Ozzie: Yeah, it was almost down her stomach
Keith: What, like a dogs?
Ozzie: Yeah.
Keith: Does that mean she's part canine?
Ozzie: Hell yeah.
Keith: I'd wouldn't say no to fucking that.
Ozzie: But she wouldn't say yes to you. Dogs still have class. And you're her Dad
Keith: Oh, yeah, still would though. (They high-five eachother.)
Ozzie: (Under his breath) Prink.
Keith: No,
Ozzie: Yeah, it was almost down her stomach
Keith: What, like a dogs?
Ozzie: Yeah.
Keith: Does that mean she's part canine?
Ozzie: Hell yeah.
Keith: I'd wouldn't say no to fucking that.
Ozzie: But she wouldn't say yes to you. Dogs still have class. And you're her Dad
Keith: Oh, yeah, still would though. (They high-five eachother.)
Ozzie: (Under his breath) Prink.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 19, 2008
Get the trinipplemug. To put your dick to the telephone speaker when talking to a ladyfriend when she is boring the arse off you about babies or flowers or something else that's all girlyfied.
Dicktaphone is when on the phone to Ann Coulter and she's banging on about politics or crap etc. and you realise you're her husband as your cock falls out of your pants into the reciever.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish August 12, 2008
Get the Dicktaphonemug.