Definitions by Shepherd Guy

Salsa Blanco

Salsa that carries barely any heat, typically sold by most Mexican restaurants to white people who can’t handle spicy food. A play on words- the two most common kinds of salsa are salsa verde and salsa rojo, so with salsa blanco, they make up the three colors of the Mexican flag.

As much as I love the taco truck near my workplace, I wish they’d give me actual salsa instead of this uninspired salsa blanco stuff. I can handle the head, dammit.

Salsa Blanco by Shepherd Guy July 22, 2025

Spendzone 

A level of Dating Hell deeper than the Friendzone. In the Spendzone, a girl will pretend to be into you so she can convince you to buy her expensive gifts, only to dump you for a richer guy. Then lather, rinse, and repeat.

I spent $3500 on a Gucci purse for my girlfriend, only for her to Spendzone me and run off with some real estate developer in West Austin.

Spendzone by Shepherd Guy July 11, 2025

Dyer’s Rule of Nutrition 

Jay Dyer’s Rule of Nutrition states that you should never eat anything that has cartoon characters on its package. Basically, processed junk food.

Dyer’s Rule of Nutrition would rule out:
>Cocoa Pebbles
>M&Ms
>Cheetos
>Flintstones Gummies
>Count Chocula
>Lunchly

Dyer’s Rule of Nutrition by Shepherd Guy June 27, 2025

Frynese

A so-called “Chinese restaurant” where almost everything on the entire menu is fried. The owner of a Frynese place is rarely ever actually Chinese, nor are the majority of the clientele.

If you don’t mind getting the runs afterwards, you can find Frynese restaurants in virtually any town, regardless of size. Their menu consists of fried pork, fried chicken, fried beef, fried fish, fried shrimp, fried squid, fried vegetables for those trying to eat healthy, fried rice, and fried fries. The only clue that this is even supposed to be a Chinese restaurant is that they have soy sauce and sweet and sour sauce instead of ketchup and mayo. The menu probably isn’t even in Mandarin. And a fortune cookie which they’d fry if they could.

Frynese by Shepherd Guy June 27, 2025

Terminally Offline 

The opposite of terminally online. It means someone who spends little to no time on the internet, typically because they have better things to do.

Turner is terminally offline. He has never used Reddit or TikTok before, doesn’t know what skibidi toilet is, has a healthy set of hobbies, is happily married, and is active in the church.

Terminally Offline by Shepherd Guy June 5, 2025

Independent Dependent

Someone who has a full time job but still lives with their parents. A term coined by Greg Evans in his newspaper comic strip LuAnn. Becoming increasingly common as costs of living continue to rise.

I hate being an independent dependent.

Independent Dependent by Shepherd Guy May 10, 2025

Male Canon Event

Events that will happen in every man’s life at some point.

Examples of male canon events include:
>drawing comics as a kid
>playing video games with the boys
>fumbling your first crush
>realizing you hate being in school
>fantasizing about saving your crush from some violent entity
>holding the flashlight for your dad
>graffitiing something
>realizing you gotta hit the gym
>wanting to start a YouTube channel
>realizing that you’ll never be good enough at your favorite sport to go professional

>hating your first job
>realizing how badly you need to fix your life at 3 am
>watching your friend group evaporate after HS
>living in an apartment and refusing to decorate it
>wondering if you’d look better bald

Male Canon Event by Shepherd Guy May 8, 2025