16 definitions by Rollo & Biff
A heartless cretin making minimum wage whose job involves calling prospective clients to sell them goods or services they don't want, can't afford and have no use for. They tend to target the elderly and the very young, as these two are the most vulnerable to their bullshit sales pitches, and usually call to annoy you around dinner time as that is when you are most likely to be around. These miserable parasites are as moral as an Islamic terrorist on PCP and are the social equivalent of a tiny insect feasting on the sweaty brown residue between the anus and testicles.
ME: Hello?
TELEMARKETER: Hello, is this Mr. (my name)?
ME: Yes, how can I help you?
TELEMARKETER: Hi! I represent the Federal Guarantee Life Insurance Company, and I'd like to talk to you about--
ME: Excuse me...there's someone at my door. Could you hold on for a moment?
TELEMARKETER: Sure!
(I go off to watch TV and return five minutes later)
ME: You still there?
TELEMARKETER: Yes.
ME: Fuck you, dickwad. --click--
TELEMARKETER: Hello, is this Mr. (my name)?
ME: Yes, how can I help you?
TELEMARKETER: Hi! I represent the Federal Guarantee Life Insurance Company, and I'd like to talk to you about--
ME: Excuse me...there's someone at my door. Could you hold on for a moment?
TELEMARKETER: Sure!
(I go off to watch TV and return five minutes later)
ME: You still there?
TELEMARKETER: Yes.
ME: Fuck you, dickwad. --click--
by Rollo & Biff December 4, 2007
Disgusting but effective bathroom prank. The Sloppy Gonzales is performed by wiping your ass on toilet paper after a particularly messy shit and using it to flush the toilet before disposing of it in the bowl. Also effective on sink faucets as well. A perfect companion piece to the greasy pablo and the upper decker.
As I proceeded to take a wicked shit at the party, some rude guy kept pounding on the door and telling me to "hurry the fuck up," so I left the asshole a Sloppy Gonzales before departing.
by Rollo & Biff December 24, 2007
Having the quality of a politically reactionary idea, statement or principle, used expressely for the purpose of alienating those whose positions are contrary to the neocon idiot espousing them. Coulteresque statements are inflammatory and/or hateful by nature, and are usually directed at intelligent people whose political views are inconsistent with those of ultra right-wing author and crackpot commentator Ann Coulter and those of her ilk.
As I sat in the redneck bar, my ears were assaulted by one Coulteresque statement after another as two drunken neocon idiots demonstrated their ignorance of politics to the other patrons.
by Rollo & Biff July 3, 2007
1. A very boastful and talkative person; a braggart
2. A self-important egomaniac who likes to toot his own horn, like those assholes who put bumper stickers on their cars that say "PROUD PARENTS OF AN HONOR STUDENT AT (blah blah blah) HIGH SCHOOL"
2. A self-important egomaniac who likes to toot his own horn, like those assholes who put bumper stickers on their cars that say "PROUD PARENTS OF AN HONOR STUDENT AT (blah blah blah) HIGH SCHOOL"
by Rollo & Biff May 27, 2006
The calm, low-decibel snore your spouse makes while drifting off to sleep, after which follow the cacophonous thunder snorts that rattle the whole fucking bed and knock the pictures off the walls.
by Rollo & Biff December 19, 2007
Having the unique ability to produce farts with alarming frequency, either deliberately or accidentally.
No one ever fell for his "pull my finger" challenges, as he was well known as the most fartacious person around.
by Rollo & Biff December 12, 2007
An immensely popular series of children's books written by William Kotzwinkle and Glenn Murray with illustrations by Audrey Colman. Walter is an ugly but lovable mutt rescued from the dog pound by two warm-hearted children. However, Walter has a problem, he is constantly farting the most ghastly farts one has ever smelled, which almost send him back to the pound until he proves his worth by foiling a couple of house-breakers with his awful gas.
The Walter franchaise has five entries thus far: "Walter the Farting Dog," "Trouble at the Yard Sale," "Rough Weather Ahead For Walter the Farting Dog," "Walter the Farting Dog Goes on a Cruise," and "Walter the Farting Dog Banned From the Beach." All have made it on the New York Times Bestseller List.
The Walter franchaise has five entries thus far: "Walter the Farting Dog," "Trouble at the Yard Sale," "Rough Weather Ahead For Walter the Farting Dog," "Walter the Farting Dog Goes on a Cruise," and "Walter the Farting Dog Banned From the Beach." All have made it on the New York Times Bestseller List.
Each time a new Walter the Farting Dog book comes out, we gather around at bedtime and I read about Walter's newest exploits it to my excited children, as they make wonderful bedtime stories.
by Rollo & Biff November 24, 2007