Definitions by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin

Swamp Dust 

The flakes of skin that line your underwear after a long day of scratching your sweaty ballbag.

I was loading the washing machine this morning and sneezed from all the swamp dust flying off my dirty boxers.

Swamp Dust by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin August 29, 2019

Whinabifida 

An ailment that afflicts young children and invokes feelings of constant boredom, disappointment and unfulfillment. These emotions are usually in spite of an abundance of trips to the park, treats and presents. They then express these ideas verbally ad nauseum, in high pitched and annoying tones of voice.

Parent: My kid always complains about how we never do anything fun and that it's unfair. It's all the time doc...
Pediatrician: sounds like your child is suffering from Whinabifida.
Parent: How do you treat that?
Pediatrician: Acetaminophen and a pillow over their face while they're sleeping.

Whinabifida by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin June 15, 2019

Caliphaggot

A member of the muslim terrorist group ISIS that rapes other men as a power move to exert dominance; he will claim it is not about being gay, but that he is raping an infidel in the name of Allah.

I've been reading the news reports about all the ways those ISIS guys are torturing their victims, like anal rape because they're a bunch of Caliphaggot's.

Caliphaggot by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 8, 2019

Queef Minestrone 

The fluid that results from a pussy fart during a woman's period; it's like a bisque of menses and clots.

Queef Minestrone, it's a lot like Tomato Soup, but chunkier and is brewed inside a vagina.

Queef Minestrone by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 4, 2019

shitty yamaguchi 

The act of having 2 other people defecate in a shower stall, and then stepping on each turd and sliding around like a figure skater. Popularized by Hinder guitarist Joe "blower" Garvey, as told to the world by Staind vocalist Aaron Lewis.

What do you get when you combine poop, a shower and figure skating? Shitty Yamaguchi.

shitty yamaguchi by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 20, 2019

aborted fetal colada 

The mix of pus and menses that drips from a woman's birth canal after an abortion procedure. It is high in vitamins, and definitely leaves a dark Kool-Aid mustache.

My girlfriend just had an abortion, so I can't wait to slurp up that aborted fetal colada!

aborted fetal colada by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 18, 2019

herd of pachyderms 

A group of 3-8 fat women, who travel together on social outings for protection and moral support. They are known to frequent Ladies Night and all-you-can-eat buffets.

I came to the bar to find some hot action, not get trampled by a herd of pachyderms.

herd of pachyderms by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 12, 2019