Rev. Johnny Blumpkin's definitions

winter penis

The phenomenon where, in colder winter months, vasoconstriction leads to an average of 30% less girth in the male genitalia. This is due to the body trying to conserve heat, thereby shutting down certain blood pathways to stay warm; the penis being one of them...

Guy 1: Polar vortex hit this week, and I swear my dick shrunk like a half inch in diameter. I don't even want to show my girlfriend...

Guy 2: Sounds like a case of Winter Penis

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 3, 2019

adrian peterson'd

The act of a child getting their ass whooped by their parent for a petty reason.

Last week I was picking my daughter up from school, when another kid dropped his backpack on the ground and got totally Adrian Peterson'd by his dad.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 1, 2018

queef stroganoff

The thick, noxious sludge that drips from a fat woman's cooter when she gets super horned up during the summer months, and her vaginal secretions meet the rest of her panty sweat.

Oh my god, my mom went for a walk today and when she came home, the entire house stunk like Queef Stroganoff.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin July 19, 2016

shitty yamaguchi

The act of having 2 other people defecate in a shower stall, and then stepping on each turd and sliding around like a figure skater. Popularized by Hinder guitarist Joe "blower" Garvey, as told to the world by Staind vocalist Aaron Lewis.

What do you get when you combine poop, a shower and figure skating? Shitty Yamaguchi.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 20, 2019

Holey Tingle

The sensation one feels after taking an unbelievably massive shit. You will notice that your anus is exhausted and you experience pins and needles sensations like when your foot falls asleep. A side effect of the Holey Tingle is a tendency to not want to sit down but also need a nap.

Guy 1: Dude, I just crapped off about 5 pounds and now my asshole is throbbing, but like, in a good way.

Guy 2: That my friend, is what we call the "Holey Tingle"

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin December 5, 2023

GFYOF

An acronym for "Go Fuck Your Own Face".

My boss: You know you're 2 minutes late right?

Me: It's snowing and the roads were a mess
My Boss: I don't care that's not an excuse
Me: GFYOF

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin May 5, 2018

Queef Minestrone

The fluid that results from a pussy fart during a woman's period; it's like a bisque of menses and clots.

Queef Minestrone, it's a lot like Tomato Soup, but chunkier and is brewed inside a vagina.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 4, 2019