Rev. Johnny Blumpkin's definitions

winter penis

The phenomenon where, in colder winter months, vasoconstriction leads to an average of 30% less girth in the male genitalia. This is due to the body trying to conserve heat, thereby shutting down certain blood pathways to stay warm; the penis being one of them...

Guy 1: Polar vortex hit this week, and I swear my dick shrunk like a half inch in diameter. I don't even want to show my girlfriend...

Guy 2: Sounds like a case of Winter Penis

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 3, 2019

Kiss the Converse

An insult uttered by Sho'Nuff in the 1985 film "the Last Dragon". It means to bow down to ones enemy and pay respect by kissing their feet.

You think you're the shit, but you ain't, bow down and Kiss the Converse.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin January 2, 2019

bird box challenge

The act of imitating the movie Bird Box, and challenging yourself to complete an otherwise innocuous or petty task while blindfolded.

Guy 1: you wanna try the Bird Box Challenge?
Guy 2: Sure, what do I have to do?
Guy 1: Put on this blindfold and try to cross the street without looking.
Guy 2: Sounds kinda dangerous.
Guy 1: You never know when you'll need this skill man. Everyone's doing it!
Guy 2: Ok... **(puts on blindfold and starts walking across the street, then gets hit by a bus)**
Guy 1: Beautiful.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin January 2, 2019

Post-Coital Piss

That first piss you take after having sex, that feels extra good compared to a regular piss. As you're bladder empties the last bit of left over climax pleasure leaves your perineum aching with delight as the joy finished draining out of your dick. Also, abbreviated as P-CP

Guy 1: Hey, I heard you moaning in the bathroom when you went to take a piss, what's up with that?
Guy 2: Yeah I had just got done taking the wife to pound town before you got here and didn't take time to piss before the game started.
Guy 1: Um... Ok... So, why the moaning?
Guy 2: P-CP.
Guy 1: P-CP?
Guy 2: Post-Coital Piss, it felt incredible, even made my taint quiver.
Guy 1: Matthews just scored on a 1-timer
Guy 2: Go Leafs...

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin May 17, 2018

queef stroganoff

The thick, noxious sludge that drips from a fat woman's cooter when she gets super horned up during the summer months, and her vaginal secretions meet the rest of her panty sweat.

Oh my god, my mom went for a walk today and when she came home, the entire house stunk like Queef Stroganoff.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin July 19, 2016

shitty yamaguchi

The act of having 2 other people defecate in a shower stall, and then stepping on each turd and sliding around like a figure skater. Popularized by Hinder guitarist Joe "blower" Garvey, as told to the world by Staind vocalist Aaron Lewis.

What do you get when you combine poop, a shower and figure skating? Shitty Yamaguchi.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 20, 2019

GFYOF

An acronym for "Go Fuck Your Own Face".

My boss: You know you're 2 minutes late right?

Me: It's snowing and the roads were a mess
My Boss: I don't care that's not an excuse
Me: GFYOF

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin May 5, 2018