Rev. Johnny Blumpkin's definitions

p'skeezle skazzel

A phrase invented by accident one day because my friends called me predictable, so I just uttered the first nonsense that came to mind. It is both a greeting, an expression of excitement and a phrase to shout in celebration.

(knock on door)

My friend "come in"
(door opens)
Me: p'skeezle skazzel
My friend: what?
Me: who's predictable now bitch?

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin May 5, 2018

winter penis

The phenomenon where, in colder winter months, vasoconstriction leads to an average of 30% less girth in the male genitalia. This is due to the body trying to conserve heat, thereby shutting down certain blood pathways to stay warm; the penis being one of them...

Guy 1: Polar vortex hit this week, and I swear my dick shrunk like a half inch in diameter. I don't even want to show my girlfriend...

Guy 2: Sounds like a case of Winter Penis

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 3, 2019

Holey Tingle

The sensation one feels after taking an unbelievably massive shit. You will notice that your anus is exhausted and you experience pins and needles sensations like when your foot falls asleep. A side effect of the Holey Tingle is a tendency to not want to sit down but also need a nap.

Guy 1: Dude, I just crapped off about 5 pounds and now my asshole is throbbing, but like, in a good way.

Guy 2: That my friend, is what we call the "Holey Tingle"

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin December 5, 2023

GFYOF

An acronym for "Go Fuck Your Own Face".

My boss: You know you're 2 minutes late right?

Me: It's snowing and the roads were a mess
My Boss: I don't care that's not an excuse
Me: GFYOF

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin May 5, 2018

Swamp Dust

The flakes of skin that line your underwear after a long day of scratching your sweaty ballbag.

I was loading the washing machine this morning and sneezed from all the swamp dust flying off my dirty boxers.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin August 29, 2019

bird box challenge

The act of imitating the movie Bird Box, and challenging yourself to complete an otherwise innocuous or petty task while blindfolded.

Guy 1: you wanna try the Bird Box Challenge?
Guy 2: Sure, what do I have to do?
Guy 1: Put on this blindfold and try to cross the street without looking.
Guy 2: Sounds kinda dangerous.
Guy 1: You never know when you'll need this skill man. Everyone's doing it!
Guy 2: Ok... **(puts on blindfold and starts walking across the street, then gets hit by a bus)**
Guy 1: Beautiful.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin January 2, 2019

cocoa snake

Any turd that is at least 8 inches in length.

This morning I woke up and took a shit, dropped a massive cocoa snake in the bowl.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin January 31, 2018