Rev. Johnny Blumpkin's definitions

Whinabifida

An ailment that afflicts young children and invokes feelings of constant boredom, disappointment and unfulfillment. These emotions are usually in spite of an abundance of trips to the park, treats and presents. They then express these ideas verbally ad nauseum, in high pitched and annoying tones of voice.

Parent: My kid always complains about how we never do anything fun and that it's unfair. It's all the time doc...
Pediatrician: sounds like your child is suffering from Whinabifida.
Parent: How do you treat that?
Pediatrician: Acetaminophen and a pillow over their face while they're sleeping.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin June 15, 2019

Swamp Dust

The flakes of skin that line your underwear after a long day of scratching your sweaty ballbag.

I was loading the washing machine this morning and sneezed from all the swamp dust flying off my dirty boxers.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin August 29, 2019

Post-Coital Piss

That first piss you take after having sex, that feels extra good compared to a regular piss. As you're bladder empties the last bit of left over climax pleasure leaves your perineum aching with delight as the joy finished draining out of your dick. Also, abbreviated as P-CP

Guy 1: Hey, I heard you moaning in the bathroom when you went to take a piss, what's up with that?
Guy 2: Yeah I had just got done taking the wife to pound town before you got here and didn't take time to piss before the game started.
Guy 1: Um... Ok... So, why the moaning?
Guy 2: P-CP.
Guy 1: P-CP?
Guy 2: Post-Coital Piss, it felt incredible, even made my taint quiver.
Guy 1: Matthews just scored on a 1-timer
Guy 2: Go Leafs...

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin May 17, 2018

Capitol Hilldos

A portmanteau of Capitol Hill and Dildos, which stands as a derogatory name for the United States Senate and House of Representatives, because much like a sex toy, they rarely accomplish anything without being handled aggressively and serve only the purpose of fucking you.

Reporter on TV: and in other news, Congress has once again demonstrated what Capitol Hilldos they are by jamming $500 Billion of Corporate Bailout spending into the Coronavirus stimulus package, screwing our financial future but making sure their campaign donors won't have to sell off their yachts and summer homes...

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 29, 2020

hyper duke

When you really have to shit but don't have the time to relax and enjoy it, so you push it out as fast as possible, in an effort to get back to your day.

I had to shit really bad, but Rick and Morty was about to come on, so I had to make it a Hyper Duke

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 1, 2018

wisconsin pretty

A term used to describe an American woman who in most other states would be considered unattractive, but is beautiful by the standards of men from Wisconsin.

Guy: "what do you think of that chick over there by the keg?"
Friend: "you mean the one with the gut and John Denver haircut?"
Guy: "yeah, that one."
Friend: "Well she looks like Rebel Wilson, so I guess she's Wisconsin Pretty."
Guy: "Go Packers..."

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 1, 2018

adrian peterson'd

The act of a child getting their ass whooped by their parent for a petty reason.

Last week I was picking my daughter up from school, when another kid dropped his backpack on the ground and got totally Adrian Peterson'd by his dad.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 1, 2018