Rev. Johnny Blumpkin's definitions

Jerusalem Feet

A nickname for people who have dirty soles and heels, resembling those of people who lived in biblical times. Typically the result of walking in sandals all day and not washing off the excess filth afterwards.

Guy: Goddamn, my wife climbed into bed last night with dirt ass heels and toes looking like she had Jerusalem Feet.
Friend: Jerusalem Feet?
Guy: YEAH!, bitch looked like she'd been walking with Jesus and the apostles all day.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 11, 2025

Holey Tingle

The sensation one feels after taking an unbelievably massive shit. You will notice that your anus is exhausted and you experience pins and needles sensations like when your foot falls asleep. A side effect of the Holey Tingle is a tendency to not want to sit down but also need a nap.

Guy 1: Dude, I just crapped off about 5 pounds and now my asshole is throbbing, but like, in a good way.

Guy 2: That my friend, is what we call the "Holey Tingle"

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin December 5, 2023

Zedite

A slur for Gen Z members, who much like the demonic spirits from the Evil Dead franchise, spew vitriol and negativity and will "swallow your soul" by forcing you to believe what they do, OR ELSE; they clearly want to take over the world. They are known for being judgmental, irritable, socially maladapted and staring into device screens like a zombie.

Gen X Dad: I accidentally talked about how great life was in the 90's around my daughters college friends and they all went berserk and began screaming at me like demons.

Friend: Kinda like those possessed people in Evil Dead?

Gen X Dad: Yeah like deadite's, except Gen Z'ers... so "Zedite's"

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin December 5, 2023

Strawberry Shortcake

The act of ejaculating inside a woman's vagina while she is menstruating, sucking out the mixture of semen and menses whilst eating her out, then finally, passing the concoction into her mouth during kissing. It is a three part process that involves period sex, felching and snow-balling.

This new girl I am dating is a total freak, she's on the rag and asked for a Strawberry Shortcake. So I busted a nut in her bloody pussy, slurped that shit out while munching her box then spit that shit in her mouth.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin September 27, 2023

Cancelitis Nervosa

A form of extreme anxiety about being canceled or impending cancellation due to a history of either out-right or secretive socially unacceptable behavior in one's past. This condition can also manifest due to things that you said or did that USED to be acceptable being deemed unacceptable in current times. This type of worry is especially common among celebrities or political candidates.

Many comedians suffer from Cancelitis Nervosa due to a history of saying risque things in their performances that have become much more problematic in modern times and threaten to derail their careers.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin October 12, 2022

Breech Baby

An insult for someone of lacking intelligence or who generally has simple concepts go over their head. The connection being that like a baby being delivered feet first, their brain isnt getting enough oxygen.

I told my neighbor that huffing spray paint is bad for his brain but he just replied "but it fucks me up so good...". That guy is such a breech baby.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 5, 2022

Capitol Hilldos

A portmanteau of Capitol Hill and Dildos, which stands as a derogatory name for the United States Senate and House of Representatives, because much like a sex toy, they rarely accomplish anything without being handled aggressively and serve only the purpose of fucking you.

Reporter on TV: and in other news, Congress has once again demonstrated what Capitol Hilldos they are by jamming $500 Billion of Corporate Bailout spending into the Coronavirus stimulus package, screwing our financial future but making sure their campaign donors won't have to sell off their yachts and summer homes...

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin March 29, 2020