Rev. Johnny Blumpkin's definitions

Kiss the Converse

An insult uttered by Sho'Nuff in the 1985 film "the Last Dragon". It means to bow down to ones enemy and pay respect by kissing their feet.

You think you're the shit, but you ain't, bow down and Kiss the Converse.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin January 2, 2019

winter penis

The phenomenon where, in colder winter months, vasoconstriction leads to an average of 30% less girth in the male genitalia. This is due to the body trying to conserve heat, thereby shutting down certain blood pathways to stay warm; the penis being one of them...

Guy 1: Polar vortex hit this week, and I swear my dick shrunk like a half inch in diameter. I don't even want to show my girlfriend...

Guy 2: Sounds like a case of Winter Penis

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 3, 2019

aborted fetal colada

The mix of pus and menses that drips from a woman's birth canal after an abortion procedure. It is high in vitamins, and definitely leaves a dark Kool-Aid mustache.

My girlfriend just had an abortion, so I can't wait to slurp up that aborted fetal colada!

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin February 18, 2019

Swamp Dust

The flakes of skin that line your underwear after a long day of scratching your sweaty ballbag.

I was loading the washing machine this morning and sneezed from all the swamp dust flying off my dirty boxers.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin August 29, 2019

Post-Coital Piss

That first piss you take after having sex, that feels extra good compared to a regular piss. As you're bladder empties the last bit of left over climax pleasure leaves your perineum aching with delight as the joy finished draining out of your dick. Also, abbreviated as P-CP

Guy 1: Hey, I heard you moaning in the bathroom when you went to take a piss, what's up with that?
Guy 2: Yeah I had just got done taking the wife to pound town before you got here and didn't take time to piss before the game started.
Guy 1: Um... Ok... So, why the moaning?
Guy 2: P-CP.
Guy 1: P-CP?
Guy 2: Post-Coital Piss, it felt incredible, even made my taint quiver.
Guy 1: Matthews just scored on a 1-timer
Guy 2: Go Leafs...

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin May 17, 2018

cocoa snake

Any turd that is at least 8 inches in length.

This morning I woke up and took a shit, dropped a massive cocoa snake in the bowl.

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin January 31, 2018

p'skeezle skazzel

A phrase invented by accident one day because my friends called me predictable, so I just uttered the first nonsense that came to mind. It is both a greeting, an expression of excitement and a phrase to shout in celebration.

(knock on door)

My friend "come in"
(door opens)
Me: p'skeezle skazzel
My friend: what?
Me: who's predictable now bitch?

by Rev. Johnny Blumpkin May 5, 2018