RandyRhoads84's definitions

Ass. Consultant

Abbreviation for 'Associate Consultant', some bullshit job title to give younger employees a false sense of hope that their job means something. Commonly found in rural consultancies in St. Ives. Sometimes loaned out sexually to clients to secure deals.

Client: 'The proposal is pretty good, but the quote is too high'
Hobb Knob: 'Have one of my ass. consultants for the night, not the yank though, he's spoiled goods and has an arse like a grapefruit'
Client: 'Deal, we'll sign off in the morning'

by RandyRhoads84 December 25, 2016

Shlong

A cocktail made of shloer grape juice and long island iced tea. Ideally served with the waiter's balls immersed at the top of the glass, to add a salty kick.

I'm so hungover today. I went overboard on the shlongs last night!

by RandyRhoads84 June 2, 2020

Capitalist tennis

Where two tennis players start on an 'even footing', and the strongest player serves first. Each time the weakest player loses a game, they have to down a double gin & tonic, thus progressively getting weaker.

Maria and Michael played capitalist tennis yesterday, Maria ended up losing and was very drunk by the end!

by RandyRhoads84 June 4, 2024

Tea Tree Oiled

The art of waxing your shaft with tea tree oil, and strumming yourself to ecstasy before the burn sets in.

Michael: What did you do last night Steve, the usual pit noodle and wank 1-2?
Steve W: Actually I spiced things up and tea tree oiled my Johnson

by RandyRhoads84 May 29, 2020

Someone else's bonzai tree

Especially relevant in big companies. When you develop an intricate, sought after skill set, but never rise to the level that was possible from your early potential, that may have been/still could be achievable elsewhere.

Zach has a PhD from an ivy league college, and has built enviable experience, but has never risen above director level in the blue chip company he works for. He's become little more than someone else's bonzai tree, and should probably leave, in order to become a red wood.

by RandyRhoads84 October 23, 2023

Strimming

Trimming anal hair so thick that a strimmer has to be used, instead of conventional means

Michael: 'What did you get up to last night Steve W?'
Steve W: 'I strimmed this bird, initially we tried anal with copious lube, but even that couldn't circumnavigate the anal forest. Tried to force my cock in but couldn't see my wood for the anal forest, so had to do some Strimming instead'

by RandyRhoads84 December 25, 2016

Suicide bummer

One who chooses to have unprotected anal sex with an HIV positive recipient.

Mark Perrott is a despicable suicide bummer

by RandyRhoads84 October 13, 2021