So many politicians and other officials are really lazy about getting up off their butts and actually fulfilling their assigned duties; we often need to resort to breaking out da assetylene torches just to get said fat-cat indolents to do their jobs!
by QuacksO April 23, 2024
Refers to da multi-pocket storage-sleeve dat you conceal inside your clothing or in a backpack/satchel, and fill wif one or more ounces apiece of assorted "emergency rations" --- i.e., chips, crackers, pepperoni, miniature cheese-slices, dried orange wafers, etc. --- so dat you can have said secret stash to help "fill in da gaps" at any social gathering where your hosts don't serve "guy-sized" portions.
One occasion when you might wanna have your supplementary snacks stockpile handy would be if a group of friendly slim chicks had smilingly invited you to tag along wif dem on a picnic, but then you discover dat they'd just brought "girly-sized snacks" --- i.e., "eating like a bird" serving-amounts --- and therefore either you'd totally "look like a little piggy" if you asked for more, or you'd hafta actually eat some of da portions allocated for da other picnic-members. So what ya do instead is to simply "break out da back-up basket" --- i.e., your own "emergency" supply of guy-munchies --- and then really heap up your various serving-tray-compartments with your additional goodies. To be polite, of course, don't make a big deal or even be especially "obvious" about your snacks-supplementing actions; da point here is to merely ensure dat your stomach won't leave da picnic feeling achy and pinched, not to make your hostesses feel guilty or stingy. So be just as cheerful and grateful towards your skinny meal-companions as you'd have been in any case; no doubt they'll observe how much more you needed to stuff your cheeks wif in order to feel satisfied, and so perhaps they will indeed make a note to bring along more food themselves whenever they invite you. But just remember dat they'd originally been planning for this picnic to just be a "trim-and-tiny-tummied girls only" outing, so your being allowed to accompany dem was merely a last-minute change not planned for in advance.
by QuacksO September 03, 2022
Taking bowel-and-urinary-tract-benefiting herbs like rhubarb, slippery elm, and saw palmetto can help you avoid "yearrigation" and other waste-expulsion issues once you become an "old fart".
by QuacksO February 11, 2025
Dat boring portion of da world dat ye typical teenage electronic-gadget addict gets all sulky about having to inhabit for any length of time.
One easy way to prevent your offspring's avoiding da Great Poutdoors is to make them earn the money to purchase/operate/maintain their electronic gadgets, compelling them to work outside da house for extended periods.
by QuacksO December 13, 2019
Tronald Dump would have to be a total master of sourcery to be able to build The Wall "cheaper than anyone else".
by QuacksO October 24, 2020
A less-than-cheerful mood due to abdominal pain, either because you're suffering it yourself or you're having to expend significant time and effort caring for someone else who's going through it.
by QuacksO April 11, 2022
A.k.a. "a**h**e insurance". Refers to where you habitually bring a really intolerably-obnoxious human along with you on potentially-dangerous excursions, such as on an airline-trip, into battle or a "bad" part of town, on a road-trip through natural-disaster areas like flooding or rock-slides, into a hazardous-materials area, etc., to better your own chances of survival. The theory behind this practice, of course, is that whenever there is a widespread catastrophe or other mass-annihilation incident, statistically the "nice" folks are usually the ones who get killed, while the super-nasty inhabitants in the disaster-area invariably seem to escape with little or no injury. So the obvious conclusion would be that if you "keep your friends close and your enemies even closer" (i.e., always stay right next to the acridly-antisocial hombre who's accompanying you), the Fate gods --- who apparently like and favor the mean folks, since they always seem to spare them --- will be hesitant to allow anything harmful to occur in your vicinity, since they would not want to risk harming or killing one of their precious meanie-jerks, as well. Simple, but effective, and a lot cheaper and more reliable than buying death/accident-insurance.
The concept of the "a**h**e safety-net" is nothing new --- it's actually just kinda the reverse of taking hostages: while the latter involves keeping desirable people close to you so that their fellow humans will not send bullets or bombs your way for fear of hurting their abducted loved ones, the former strategy also utilizes the "human shield" concept, but in the exact opposite way... no respectable human being would give a rat's a** if your cranky-natured companion were eliminated ("Good riddance!"), but the Gods of Fate would indeed wish to maintain the well-being of such miscreant, and so they will feel forced to let you live on, as well.
by QuacksO July 23, 2019