QuacksO's definitions

Esso-S

What Captain Hazelwood sent over his wireless transmitter when he drunkenly ran his oil tanker aground in Prince William Sound.

Even after da initial Esso-S call from da Valdez, X-on was still plagued with distressed "call for help" protests from mail-room employees who were receiving countless clothing-besmirching gas-station cards dat had been soaked in used motor-oil.

by QuacksO May 25, 2022

Mercy buckets!

Plastic pails of relief/comfort-materials --- i.e., cleansing-wipes, salve/ointment, bandages, hot-packs, ice-compresses, etc. --- dat bring much-needed solace to people with abrasions, sunburn, tired/achy muscles, sore/irritated skin, etc., and so they will profusely thank you in French for providing said soothing products.

Company nurse, speaking to a worker who's suffering heat-stroke: Want a nice cool wet towel and some milk of magnesia?
Worker: S'il vous plait.
Nurse, administering said welcome relief: Silver plates?!
Worker: Mercy buckets!

by QuacksO August 10, 2024

rack-opinion steering

Refers to how a "typical red-blooded stud" directs or "pilots" his gaze and/or footsteps in the direction of certain attractive ladies at a beach or social-gathering, depending upon his perception of how shapely the "set of twins" are that each of said cuties happens to possess.

Whenever I go out on da town in da evening to meet da ladies, I always seem to end up sitting next to gals wif perky D-cup boobs --- guess I've got rack-opinion steering!

by QuacksO June 13, 2018

Murphy's Law of Customer-Assistance

"You can stroll a store's aisles till Doomsday and never spot da item you want, but then, just as soon as you interrupt a staffperson to ask for help in locating said desirable, THAT'S when you will notice your sought-after item right off!"

While stocking up on food at a Super Walmart, I was looking for larger packages of Armour Vienna sausage so that I could save a few cents per can, but although I had thoroughly searched the surrounding areas on the shelves, I still hadn't found anything bigger than the small six-packs, so I finally asked a nearby employee if there were any of the larger packages in stock, possibly in the back room. Well, just as we were both walking back to the area of the aisle where I'd been looking, THAT'S when I finally spied the 12-packs that were sitting on the very top shelf! Guess that was a classic case of Murphy's Law of Customer-Assistance... ah, well, again, the 12-packs were indeed sitting very high up, so at least that was a plausible excuse for my not having seen them before, especially since the store usually doesn't even expect its customers to notice stuff that's placed 'way up there, anyway; that "lofty" location is merely where they store extra merchandise for replenishing the lower-down shelves when the stock there starts to run low.

by QuacksO May 14, 2019

aggravated affection

Where you are majorly irritated/upset about the naively-stupid action of someone whom you love to death, and so instead of hollering at him, you merely grab him in an aggressively-strong bear-hug and plant a hard smacking kiss on his mouth, then ears-smokingly shove him out of your way and storm off to correct whatever fiasco that he created by his well-meaning-but-horrendously-inappropriate actions caused, such as misusing soap/detergent, oil, water, etc. so that it ruined/soiled something that wasn't supposed to have contact with said fluid. Classic example: where Estelle Getty uses assorted household chemicals and warm water to launder Sylvester Stallone's service-pistol --- and in so doing washes all the bluing off --- in the comedy-farce, "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!"

I sometimes get really exasperated with my wife when she tries to repair or clean/tidy up my stuff, not realizing that some of the items cannot be processed or handled in an "everyday" manner. I know that she always means well, though, of course, so after she plaintively informs me that she was "just trying to help", I always use aggravated affection to deflect/diffuse my fury... I just near-crushingly squeeze her in a major massive "noisy" lip-lock (i.e., "Oh --- MMMMMMMMWUH!!!") before fumingly stomping off to try to undo whatever disaster she caused... hey, it ain't HER fault if she doesn't realize that you don't use Windex to clean a desk-phone!

by QuacksO October 31, 2018

Illinoisy

What Chicago is during rush hour, tournament week, etc.

When Windy-City-bound hot-rodders or motorcycle-groups arrive in town, it becomes really Illinoisy.

by QuacksO April 24, 2022

celibatory

Anything involving partying and/or cheering due to someone;s remaining a virgin till marriage.

As difficult as it is to "keep your drawers on", it seems dat anyone who's actually managed to do so for a significant period of time should be given celibatory praise once in a while.

by QuacksO August 22, 2022