QuacksO's definitions

alphabetical attributes

BATtributes: Details of either a wooden baseball-whacker, or a flying cave-dweller.
CATtributes: Da specifics of Mr. Furry-Purry.
DATtributes: Da performance-specs of 21st-century audio-recording.
FATtributes: How overweight someone is, and whether it's due to overeating, junk food, or a medial condition.
GATTributes: Details of da infamous international-commerce accord which was much-frowned-upon by many countries.
HATtributes: Da appearance, fit, and quality of head-wear.
KATtributes: Da ingredients, size/weight, and texture/taste of da famous red-wrapped candy-bar.
LATTE-ributes: How good your cup of milky espresso was.
MATTE-ributes: Details of a non-glossy painting.

Other examples of alphabetical attributes are:
NATtributes: Da appearance and personality of Daniel McCormick's pint-sized side-kick in "Forever Young".
PATtributes: Da dimensions of a slab of butter, Trish's particular qualities, or da delightfulness-level of gentle palm-bounces on someone's shoulder or head.

RATtributes: Da anatomical details of everyone's least-favorite rodent.
SATtributes: How someone rests on his butt, or da perceived difficulty/fairness of school-exams.
TATtributes: How Madea defines her temper-management issues ("I'm not angry; I'm just gettin' da gotters!")
VATtributes: Details regarding a large laboratory-basin.
WATTributes: Da voltage and current of da "angry pixies" in an electrical circuit.

by QuacksO February 24, 2021

Murphy's Law of Customer-Assistance

"You can stroll a store's aisles till Doomsday and never spot da item you want, but then, just as soon as you interrupt a staffperson to ask for help in locating said desirable, THAT'S when you will notice your sought-after item right off!"

While stocking up on food at a Super Walmart, I was looking for larger packages of Armour Vienna sausage so that I could save a few cents per can, but although I had thoroughly searched the surrounding areas on the shelves, I still hadn't found anything bigger than the small six-packs, so I finally asked a nearby employee if there were any of the larger packages in stock, possibly in the back room. Well, just as we were both walking back to the area of the aisle where I'd been looking, THAT'S when I finally spied the 12-packs that were sitting on the very top shelf! Guess that was a classic case of Murphy's Law of Customer-Assistance... ah, well, again, the 12-packs were indeed sitting very high up, so at least that was a plausible excuse for my not having seen them before, especially since the store usually doesn't even expect its customers to notice stuff that's placed 'way up there, anyway; that "lofty" location is merely where they store extra merchandise for replenishing the lower-down shelves when the stock there starts to run low.

by QuacksO May 14, 2019

Esso-S

What Captain Hazelwood sent over his wireless transmitter when he drunkenly ran his oil tanker aground in Prince William Sound.

Even after da initial Esso-S call from da Valdez, X-on was still plagued with distressed "call for help" protests from mail-room employees who were receiving countless clothing-besmirching gas-station cards dat had been soaked in used motor-oil.

by QuacksO May 25, 2022

celibatory

Anything involving partying and/or cheering due to someone;s remaining a virgin till marriage.

As difficult as it is to "keep your drawers on", it seems dat anyone who's actually managed to do so for a significant period of time should be given celibatory praise once in a while.

by QuacksO August 22, 2022

putential

How good you are at shifting and placing objects.

A clumsy and/or ignorant individual often lacks PUTential in many fairly-simple endeavors like PUTTING STUFF AWAY or PUTTING THINGS IN ORDER, and so fellow humans may have a hard time PUTTING UP WITH HIM.

by QuacksO July 12, 2025

ozstensibly

What you presumably can expect when you travel to da magical land "over da rainbow".

Now dat Dorothy Gale has gotten rid of da two wicked witches, you could ozstensibly gallivant from one corner of da territory to da other without fear of running afoul of less-than-sociable sorcerers. Depending on what areas you venture into, though, you still may need to watch out for da Jackdaws, Kalidahs, and Hammerheads, among other antagonists; you'll also wanna steer clear of da Fighting Trees. To be on da safe side, be sure to stop by da Emerald Palace for a printed travel-guide --- many of said royal castle's regular residents have had personal experience with many of these aforementioned undesirables, and so they have compiled said comprehensive booklet to let visitors know da "where and what" regarding said hazardous entities.

by QuacksO April 12, 2024

Mercy buckets!

Plastic pails of relief/comfort-materials --- i.e., cleansing-wipes, salve/ointment, bandages, hot-packs, ice-compresses, etc. --- dat bring much-needed solace to people with abrasions, sunburn, tired/achy muscles, sore/irritated skin, etc., and so they will profusely thank you in French for providing said soothing products.

Company nurse, speaking to a worker who's suffering heat-stroke: Want a nice cool wet towel and some milk of magnesia?
Worker: S'il vous plait.
Nurse, administering said welcome relief: Silver plates?!
Worker: Mercy buckets!

by QuacksO August 10, 2024