QuacksO's definitions

FIDO score

How your four-legged waggy-tailed buddy measures up when viewed by da likes of Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae.

I made sure to properly train Rover in basic things like housebreaking and not chewing up things or maikng a mess with shaken water or jumping up on people, and so hopefully he should be fine if any doubtful landlords check his FIDO score when deciding whether he and I can move into an apartment.

by QuacksO February 6, 2020

Blighpass surgery

An operation performed on the infamous late-18th-century sea captain and Vice-Admiral of the Royal Navy. Can also loosely refer to any surgery in which the distressed/exhausted patient feels like the rejected commander of a mutinied ship afterwards.

I told the doctor that I only had pleurisy and thus I merely needed some pain-killer, but he tried to convince me to have my appendix removed. He obviously just wanted to milk MaineCare for more operations than were truly necessary; I declined his Blighpass surgery.

by QuacksO May 24, 2019

parachute pals

Friends who can be counted on to "catch you as you fall" and/or "ease your descent" --- i.e., they'll always "be there for you" during times of emotional distress, offer helpful ideas/cautions, etc.

Anytime an on-line "friend" whom I have not met yet (and therefore I cannot be sure if that person is reliable or "for real") invites/requests/allows me to go and meet him somewhere, I always peruse the map to see if any of my "parachute pals" happen to live in that same general area, and if so, I call them up first to ask if I may make a "secondary journey" over to visit them for a while if the person whom I was going to meet during my "primary mission" is either a no-show or not sociable/reasonable to me... it helps make the trip not be a total waste of time and travel-expenses, plus I'll have a shoulder to cry on and soothe me in my humiliation and disappointment at my failed attempt to cultivate a new friendship.

by QuacksO July 18, 2018

killogram

Da ~2.2 pounds of flesh (hey, da original play was written a long time ago --- we gotta adjust for inflation, right???) dat a modern-day Shylock would have wanted to cut from Antonio's chest nearest da heart, which of course would have had fatal results.

Da term "killogram" could also refer to da Western-Union-type letter dat Achmed would send to someone.

by QuacksO October 13, 2023

crap table

Refers to any debris-cluttered horizontal-topped item of furniture normally used for dining, writing/drawing, repairing/constructing, etc.

You can often tell the difference between a bachelor-pad and a couple/family-apartment simply by glancing around to observe how stuff is arranged --- if there's a lady in the house, everything will generally be neat and orderly, whereas a guy who lives alone will likely have at least one crap table where the flotsam and jetsam of typical everyday single-dude existence tends to gravitate to and then never see the light of day for months... he simply tosses his randomly-acquired tidbits there because at the time the items seem too precious/possibly-useful to discard, but then when he eventually has to rummage through his "treasures" to find some solitary item he put there six months ago, he face-palmingly wonders why he ever held onto most of the crap in the first place (extra points if he thought to drag over a wastebasket before beginning his "attack" on the pile).

by QuacksO February 5, 2018

oddience

Can refer to either:
(1) Da weirdo-members of da observing crowd, or
(2) Followers of a weirdo who are also into da strange and kinky.

Jeff Dunham must have a large oddience for his silly/crazy puppet-antics to be so well liked around da world.

by QuacksO December 25, 2021

You'll find out when we get there

A child/teenager's most dreaded words to hear when travelling in the car driven by an irate/irritated parent or other authority-figure, and having asked either "Where are we going?" or "What are you going to do?" This hotly-uttered reply indicates that the adult is either feeling guilt-ridden about the fairness/appropriateness of whatever horrid/torturous action(s) are scheduled for the trembling youngster, or else he does not wish to debate/argue about whatever is in store for said wretched passenger, and so he does not want to reveal the details until the last minute.

When a parent/grownup snaps, "You'll find out when we get there!", usually it means one of four things:
(1) You'll be sent to either a doctor for painful/invasive "treatment", or suffer a long/boring lecture with one or more emotionless preachy counselors who don't seem to truly listen or even care about you personally.
(2) You'll be forced to perform one or more difficult/unpleasant/exhausting tasks.
(3) You'll be compelled to spend hours with one or more fellow humans who are of exceedingly undesirable-to-you nature, and/or who will be super-strict with you, feed you insipid/minuscule meals, forbid/severely limit fun activities, etc.
(4) You'll be subjected to horrendous punishment/discipline of some sort. Keep in mind, however, that physical punishment has been outlawed in many areas and is now widely frowned upon, so hopefully you will not actually get beaten, slapped, or otherwise physically traumatized. You may, however, be made to publicly apologize to a lot of people, stand for hours on a street-corner with a huge "I like to ___ whatever misbehavior you're accused of" sign, etc. Be sure to keep notes, take photos/video, and/or otherwise document all events as they occur, however; not only will this make your tormentors reluctant to incriminate themselves by "going too far" in their harshness, but it will also give you proof to file formal complaints with appropriate authorities afterwards if you feel that your treatment was undeserved/illegal/excessive.

by QuacksO July 9, 2018