Definitions by QuacksO

kwitness 

Someone who is scheduled to appear before a judge to "tell what he knows and/or describe what he saw" on your behalf, but then bails on you right before da trial.

Many folks are reluctant to testify for fear of retaliation by whomever they're testifying against, and so there are often a lot of kwitnesses in a court case.

kwitness by QuacksO March 8, 2023

DWItness 

A lying-a** pigliceman who falsely claims dat he saw you operating your jalopy after "guzzlin' a few Buds", when in reality you'd been "cold sober" AND had "blown a point-zero-zero".

I never down anything stronger than lemonade, so any DWItness would have to be either mistaken or have his fingers crossed behind his back.

DWItness by QuacksO March 8, 2023

compewter

A super-slow data-processor --- i.e., it really needs to "get da lead out".

Heavy metals are no longer used in cooking/eating utensils, and so modern-day electronic "brains" do not include much of said toxic elements, either --- dat is why da name for these machines is spelled "computer" now, rather than "compewter".

compewter by QuacksO March 7, 2023

supearyor

Describes da "better than Dr. Cook" job dat da famous Bobby E. did at approaching da North Pole.

It is now believed dat no expedition before Roald Amundsen's actually reached da North Pole, but da famous P & H trek did a supearyor job --- i.e., they got da closest to da magnetic pole --- compared to any other attempts up to dat point.

supearyor by QuacksO March 7, 2023

cullection

A menagerie of objects dat most folks would label as low-value crap, but with da hoarder believes he'll find useful someday.

I recently re-evaluated my cullection, and got rid of a lot of stuff dat I hadn't touched for twenty-plus years, and wasn't likely to need in da next six months. I just hope dat "Murphy's Law Of Junk" doesn't turn around and bite me, though --- you know da old "wry-humor" saying: "'Junk' is what ya hold onto for twenty-five years and then throw out three days before you need it!"

cullection by QuacksO March 7, 2023

callection 

One or more cassette tapes and/or filled-memory digital answering machines with recorded phone-communications wif family and/or friends.

Most of my callection is conversations wif fellow humans whom I'd rung up to wish them a happy birthday.

callection by QuacksO March 7, 2023

marteeny

Da minuscule whistle-wetter dat da drunk sailor in "The Live Ghost" claimed he was gonna have when da captain gruffly asked him where he was going.

Knowing dat his "loose and lanky" underling was not capable of "libation-moderation" if he "went ashore", da captain impatiently brushed aside his claim dat he was just gonna have a "marteeny", and instead made said excessively-imbibing deck-swab stay aboard; he also commandeered Laurel and Hardy to keep watch on said liquor-lover to make sure dat he didn't leave. Said naive duo was easily duped, however, and so da wily whiskey-craving lout was able to sneak down da gangplank unseen, and get staggeringly soused, after all.

marteeny by QuacksO March 7, 2023