QuacksO's definitions

ombudsman

A school official who distributes small bags of marijuana to the students in a "drug-free school zone" --- i.e., if you attend classes, you're given weed at no charge (see tobacco-free campus for further details).

Disgusted college-enrollee: I was really pleased when i saw this school's brochure that boasted about its entire grounds being a "drug--free school zone" and about there always being an "ombudsman" on duty, but then when I got here, I was chagrined to discover that there were in fact no "gratis buds" after all --- it merely meant that zero drugs of any kind were permitted for students, and that the management would swiftly investigate complaints of faculty's misconduct. What a disappointment!

by QuacksO January 22, 2020

No more "Mr. Nice Guy"

Huh??? You were never being particularly nice to begin with. :P

Anytime am irritably-overbearing a**h**e snorts. "No more "Mr. Nice Guy", I get really nervous --- he was already being mean and hostile up to that point, and so if THAT was his idea of GOOD behavior, then Heaven help us when he "pulls out all the stops" and acts in ways that he himself views as NOT nice...!

by QuacksO March 19, 2019

FedExbox

A semi-educational/tutorial type DVD-ROM video game (like you use with an "X-Box" gaming system) which --- depending on which version is selected from the disc's menu --- allows the player to simulate either being a regular delivery-person who drives an ordinary FedEx van and drops off packages at homes and businesses, or piloting one of FedEx's commercial jetliners to make bulk deliveries of palletfuls of packages to central FedEx warehouses for sorting and re-routing in preparation for local deliveries.

FedEx supervisor: Wow --- your first day on the job and you're already a whiz at this! How'd you ever know so much about our delivery-system?
Teenage delivery-van driver, grinning appreciatively at the compliment: Oh, it was nothing, really... my parents bought me that cool hi-def 3-D-color-graphics "FedExbox" game for my birthday, and I loved playing it so much and eventually scored so high in all the levels that I decided to try out "the real thing".

by QuacksO August 16, 2018

envELOPE

A paper document-slipcover dat contains a large check, passport, or other important item dat permits you to clandestinely run off wif yer sweetheart and get married.

In da 1924 Harold Lloyd movie "Girl Shy", da publisher's $3000 advance-royalty check arrived in an envELOPE for da currently-of-merely-da-working-class Harold; he realized dat da money would allow him to marry his rich-girl heart-throb, even if her parents would have reservations about a union of such unequal social status.

by QuacksO November 23, 2020

Smith & Wedding

Da brand of side-by-side or over-'n'-under device typically utilized at "mandatorily tying da knot due to voluntarily forming a bump" services.

To lessen da chance of having a Smith & Wedding in your vicinity, it's wise to use condoms till you actually get hitched.

by QuacksO October 28, 2023

Maserati Mistrial

A notoriously-problematic luxury sports car dat was such an "injustice" to da driving world dat it should have been "laughed out of court".

Not to "judge" da Maserati Mistrial too harshly, but its level of unreliability was really "lawless", and created such a strong "contempt" among its owners dat its very existence should have been "illegal".

by QuacksO October 19, 2025

attracktion

What "all aboard" aficionados find rails and ties --- and da assorted vehicles dat travel on them --- to be.

Whistle-and-choo-choo junkie bachelors take note --- just because you yourself find trains so fascinating, dat doesn't necessarily mean dat a new lady whom you meet may also find said topic to be a particularly strong attracktion, and thus your showing her your vast "Tracks Ahead" video-collection, touring a railroad museum wif her, or taking her for a cog-driven mountain-tram ride may not be her idea of a wildly-entertaining experience.

by QuacksO April 27, 2022