Definitions by QuacksO
colon-pee
Refers to a rip-roaring case of "liquid farts" --- not just a case of mundane "trots", but a full-blown bout of "galloping diarrhea", like you're actually urinating out of your large intestine.
My country-cousin friends graciously invited me to help myself to the leftovers in their fridge while I was visiting them for a couple weeks this past July. That was all great, except that once I made the mistake of thirstily polishing off a nearly-full 2-quart bottle of Ocean Spray Premium Prune Juice over the course of a couple hours on an especially hot day. Well, needless to say, I was then obliged to stay in the yard for the next couple days 'cuz I had to run inside and visit the Little Boys' Room every ten minutes, plus I hadda remember to not eat anything after four in the afternoon both days, so that I could eventually "poop myself empty" by late evening and thus be able to get some sleep at night! Talk about total colon-pee --- my poor butt-hole got so sore that it felt like I was squirtin' out hot lava towards the end of it! Ah, well --- live and learn --- prune juice isn't meant to be consumed in large quantities (I shoulda gotten a clue from the fact that the bottle had had so little used out of it), unlike apple or cranberry juice that comes in the same kind of bottle!
politician car
Dude #1: Sorry to have to bring my car politician car this time, Buddy, but my Prius in in the repair shop, so I'll have to charge you an extra two dollars in gas for the ride to the store.
Dude #2: "Politician car" ---? You mean that its engine is "all talk and no action"?
Dude #1: Well, not really --- that's as good a guess as any, but in this case I was referring to the car's being a "total suck-up".
Dude #2: "Politician car" ---? You mean that its engine is "all talk and no action"?
Dude #1: Well, not really --- that's as good a guess as any, but in this case I was referring to the car's being a "total suck-up".
politician car by QuacksO November 4, 2016
wheelbarrow walk
Refers to the slightly loopy child's game whereby the youngster stretches out on his tummy and raises himself up on his hands, whereupon an adult or somewhat bigger child grasps and lifts the kid's ankles and then slowly "trundles" him forward while the child walks along on his hands. An ideal activity to keep a child "occupied for a few" when there's nothing else to do at the time, or to painlessly compel a hyper/rambunctious child to quit horsing around, since he cannot do anything else while partaking of the game.
Senior-high student: My little brother and I got tired of waiting for the school bus, so we did the wheelbarrow walk around the lawn till the bus finally showed up fifteen minutes late.
wheelbarrow walk by QuacksO November 4, 2016
throne vs. phone
That infuriating and mysterious battle between two common household objects --- both made of white porcelain --- which causes untold headaches, especially if there's only one person in the house at the time. You know the drill --- the telephone can be "silent" for hours, yet as soon as you plop down on the toilet and are in the middle of a lengthy crap, THAT'S precisely when the 0%!$&#@ phone decides to ring, and so you have to awkwardly jam a tissue-wad up your butt and hold it there while you penguin-strut with your trousers down around your ankles all the way across the living room to grab the receiver with your messy hand, only to either (1) have the caller hang up just as you are lifting the receiver, or (2) have it be just either a telemarketer or a bill-collector who'd dialed the wrong number, anyway, or (3) have the caller be a bored/crybaby/mooching neighbor who had nothing important to say/ask, but just called to shoot the breeze, whine about his miserable life (which he could easily improve if he'd just start being more responsible/diligent), or ask for a ride, assistance with some ordinary task that he really could accomplish himself, or the loan of money/a vehicle/tools. So you'll have totally wasted your time/effort --- not to mention half a bottle of Lysol to disinfect the phone afterwards --- to answer the phone that time, when the call turned out to be non-urgent and so you could have just let the answering machine take it.
Judge: Next case --- throne vs. phone. Phone, you are hereby accused of intentionally waiting to ring until your owner goes to take a dump. How do you plead?
Phone: Guilty as charged, Your Honor, but I can't really help it... I am unable to ring if there is nobody calling, and if there is a ring-signal sent through the telephone wires, I have to ring whether I want to or not. I don't like to bother my owner anymore than he does; I'm just doing what I was designed to do; it's the inconsiderate callers who should be the real defendants here.
Judge: Good point --- case dismissed.
Phone: Guilty as charged, Your Honor, but I can't really help it... I am unable to ring if there is nobody calling, and if there is a ring-signal sent through the telephone wires, I have to ring whether I want to or not. I don't like to bother my owner anymore than he does; I'm just doing what I was designed to do; it's the inconsiderate callers who should be the real defendants here.
Judge: Good point --- case dismissed.
throne vs. phone by QuacksO November 2, 2016
family-member run-around
Refers to the common but totally unproductive/destructive practice of a young child's parents and/or two or more older family members successively "delegating" or "passing the buck" from one family member to another when the youngster asks a difficult/uncomfortable question, rather than the initially-queried adult's simply saying, "I don't know" or, "That is not something you need to know just yet --- wait till you're a few years older to ask about that."
Small girl: Daddy, how was I born? Where did I come from?
Father (glancing up from his evening paper): Go ask your mother that question.
Small girl (toddling over to her mother, who is knitting by the fire): Mommy, how was I born? Where did I come from?
Mother (looking up from her knitting, surprised): You know --- that's a really excellent question... why don't you ask your father about that.
Small girl: Well, I already did --- Daddy told me to ask you.
Mother (exasperated): Oh --- well, then, I think maybe your Uncle John could help you answer that.
Small girl (going outside where her uncle is lounging on the porch swing): Uncle John, how was I born? Where did I come from?
Uncle John: Hummmm... lemme guess --- didja ask your parents about that, and they sent you to me?
Small girl: Yes, Uncle John --- Mommy said you'd be just the person to ask.
Uncle John: Ahhhh... givin' ya da ol' family-member run-around, are they?
Father (glancing up from his evening paper): Go ask your mother that question.
Small girl (toddling over to her mother, who is knitting by the fire): Mommy, how was I born? Where did I come from?
Mother (looking up from her knitting, surprised): You know --- that's a really excellent question... why don't you ask your father about that.
Small girl: Well, I already did --- Daddy told me to ask you.
Mother (exasperated): Oh --- well, then, I think maybe your Uncle John could help you answer that.
Small girl (going outside where her uncle is lounging on the porch swing): Uncle John, how was I born? Where did I come from?
Uncle John: Hummmm... lemme guess --- didja ask your parents about that, and they sent you to me?
Small girl: Yes, Uncle John --- Mommy said you'd be just the person to ask.
Uncle John: Ahhhh... givin' ya da ol' family-member run-around, are they?
family-member run-around by QuacksO October 26, 2016
TDS Bank
The infamous bright-green-block-logo financial institution that is open 7 days a week, but is so consumer-unfriendly and charges so many outrageous fees that they are aptly named, since they are so "tedious" to deal with.
Dramamean
Medicine designed to reduce the queasy head-swimmy feelings normally experienced while being subjected to the insensitive/destructive verbal tirades of one or more fellow humans who actually have little or nothing to complain about regarding the voluminously-hollered-about topic, but are just creating invalid "drama" and being mean in order to entertain themselves and feel popular/important for five minutes.
My stomach's in a knot from all of my mother-in-law's moaning about my young daughter's lack of "social popularity" in her preschool classes, so I better take some Dramamean before I puke.