Nob's definitions

Shaved ham

Usually done during foreplay. When your partners penis has been played with enough where it has become harder than a ham bone, you quickly grab a cheese grate and try to skin off as many layers of his cock as you can. Shaved Ham are the penis shavings.

My dad wasn't giving me my weekly allowance so I shaved ham.

by nob May 11, 2004

Cold Cuts

A fun nighttime activity. Under the cover of darkness a man or woman sneaks into a morgue with a shoehorn, white mask, and a tuna grinder. Only after finding a deceased woman can the wild sex begin. The shoehorn is only necessary if the corpse’s pussy has become too stiff for penetration.

“Can cold cuts give cold sores?”

by Nob April 28, 2004

Spread the Butter

For those that are extremely ass-greasy on a constant basis, this is a term to be aware of. Keeping up with asshole hygiene is very difficult for some individuals. Sometimes, to remain dry and “scent-free”, there needs to be some improvising when toilet paper isn’t easily accessible. It would be easy just to drag your ass across the carpet like a dog but there needs to be a certain level of dignity kept. Common methods to wiping ones ass can include using the bed sheet while in bed, using the inside of your shirt or underwear that you are wearing, washing your ass with water in someone’s bathroom sink (although disgusting, the jerk didn’t have any TP!), or any other situation where toilet paper is substituted with something.

“I was greasier than all hell so I had to spread the butter with Joe’s ferret.”

by Nob April 28, 2004

Coney Carry-out

This happens to nail biters. The nail biter will be sitting around and chomping on their nails when they get a taste of something that was lodged under one of their nails. This strange substance remained safely stored under the nail unexposed to any hand washing. After careful backtracking to the point where this substance was acquired, the nail biter realizes that during their last trip to the crapper that finger had busted through the toilet paper and shit was lodged under that nail. Bon-apatite.

“Although the Coney Island down the street is disgusting, their carry-out is great!”

by Nob April 28, 2004

Animal Testing

The systematic approach to find which farm animal will give you the greatest amount of pleasure. This usually is done by running out to a local farm every night and having sex with a couple of the animals. Animals that kick, bite, remain dry, smell bad, or are too loose can be eliminated in this test.

“After conducting three months of animal testing I have discovered that nothing can replace your mother.”

by Nob April 28, 2004

Chuckle Wipe

It is when you take some item that someone else uses or touches and place it against part of your own body. A great example of this is taking someone elses toothbrush and shoving it into your colon. All that is left is just to watch the item (toothbrush) get used.

I chuckle wiped Ted's shirt with my butt. He is going to think he has BO.

by nob May 11, 2004

Mangonator

A male that holds a mouthful of milk in their mouth, places a straw down their pee pee hole, and blows the milk into the hole and into their bladder. Then the person can piss the white substance over anybody, anything, or back into a glass for re-consumption (a real party favorite).

I hired a mangonator for your mother's birthday party.

by nob May 11, 2004