NaughtyJim's definitions

Campers Box

A computer from which application support staff may administer a limited number of functions in otherwise secured-away areas of a network, for example, a secure DMZ. It is normally "firewalled away" from the bulk of available activities and access is given to the secured areas selectively on an as-needed basis. The origin of "campers" in this context comes from imagining a large "No Camping" sign placed at the edge of the secured area. Camping is allowed, nay, even encouraged, on the Campers Box.

Dave: There's a production problem, and I can't get to "Sausage".
Al: You're doing it form your desktop mate, you should be accessing it from the Campers Box.

by NaughtyJim October 30, 2010

Ponk

A nonsense word used for log output in computer programs to assure application support teams that the application is actually still running and has not jammed, as they inevitably suspect.

...
10/10/2010 04:02:07 INFO Loading the thing from the place
10/10/2010 04:31:05 INFO Thing loaded
10/10/2010 04:31:06 WARN Wizards and Elves notified using SNMP - elves.hither.yon:public
10/10/2010 04:32:25 DEBUG sql: {select 'fish' from 'trousers' where 'dave' = 'ferret';}. Waiting for next trigger time.
10/10/2010 04:40:00 INFO PONK!
10/10/2010 04:50:00 INFO PONK!
10/10/2010 05:00:00 INFO PONK!
10/10/2010 05:10:00 INFO PONK!
...

by NaughtyJim October 21, 2010

Sausage

The cruellest food in the known universe, but strangely one of the tastiest.

The process of making a sausage is as follows:

1. Kill some animals
2. Chop them into tiny bits
3. Shove them back into their own arseholes (well OK, intestines but arseholes is wittier)
4. Burn the result

by NaughtyJim October 30, 2010

Non-denominational-end-of-Julian-Calendar-event

Politically Correct gone mad. Towards the end of the Julian Calendar cycle, the company you work for may invite you to an event formerly known as a Christmas Party.

Company email: You are hereby invited to the Non-denominational-end-of-Julian-Calendar-event. Please respond by Thursday if you wish to attend. There will be ham.
Employee response: No dice baby, I'm celebrating Christmas that day.

by NaughtyJim December 7, 2010

Jesii

(n.) Plural form of Jesus. Only has a few applications in daily dialog, but they do exist

1. If he comes again, there will have been Jesii
2. Wow, I love this art gallery - check out all the Jesii
3. I had so many grumpy moments today, I let out many audible 'Jesii Christs'

by NaughtyJim October 20, 2010

Carbon-based Calendar

Significant female in a male's life who organises so many "things to do" that the male has no control over his own social timing.

Dave: Are you coming out for beers on Thursday?
Al: Not sure if I can. I'll check my carbon-based calendar tonight and get back to you tomorrow.

by NaughtyJim October 28, 2010

On tick

To acquire something immediately but pay for it later. Most often used when buying drugs but quite valid for any kind of purchase.

There are thee possible origins of the term:

* The vendor keeps a list of who owes what, and "ticks" them off the list on payment
* The vendor has to wait, the clock is ticking
* The customer is a filthy parasite, like a tick on a dogs back.

Customer: What sandwich can I get for six-fiddy?
Vendor: Sorry, sandwiches start at eight dollars.
Customer: Can I get one on tick?
Vendor: I think not.

by NaughtyJim December 6, 2010