Monkey's Dad's definitions

I'm Your Tuna Fish Sandwich

From the blues classic - slang for sexual availability.

"Free tonight?"
"I'm your tuna fish sandwich."

"I'm your tuna fish sandwich, spoon me on your bread.
I'm your tuna sandwich baby, best to eat in bed."

by Monkey's Dad February 20, 2023

Bedside Volcano

A growing yet indecipherable mound, composed of unmatched socks, sweaters, underwear, pillows, books, catalogs, unopened mail, empty bottles, reading glasses, chargers, clean and dirty towels, exercise paraphernalia, countless and nameless other things, many forgotten yet long-sought, the entirety overtaking the room, cascading, poised to erupt.

"Have you seen my phone?"
"Have you checked the bedside volcano?"
"Which one??"
"Good question."

by Monkey's Dad February 25, 2023

abortlitionist

Someone advocating the abolition of abortion, campaigning to overturn Roe v. Wade.

He was certain of two things: That every American had the right to carry an assault rifle - to school, to Walmart, to church - and that killing was a sin and women had no right to abortion, no matter the circumstance of the pregnancy. He was a righteous abortlitionist.

by Monkey's Dad December 15, 2021

Malignant narcissism

A corrosive recipe of narcissism, antisocial behavior, paranoia, aggression, and a topping of sadism. Grandiose, hostile, unable to tolerate even the smallest criticism, the malignant narcissist undermines families, organizations and associates, consistently attempting to dehumanize others by applying childish nicknames to diminish them in the eyes of others.

The phrase 'malignant narcissism' reminded him of someone, someone front and center, someone in his face, in everyone's face, all day every day... wait... wait... it would come to him.

by Monkey's Dad April 15, 2020

Walking Food Festival

A person whose life during Covid has come to revolve around food.

Posting photos of every meal and every snack, sharing recipes, looking forward to eating because what else was there to do, she had become a Walking Food Festival.

by Monkey's Dad March 2, 2021

Scars and Stripes Forever

In 2020, a patriotic march for a wounded nation.

A version of Stars and Stripes Forever, a piece which in show business was historically called "the Disaster March". When theaters and circuses had house bands, this march was a code signaling a life-threatening emergency. Except for impending disaster, circus bands never played the tune under any circumstances

July 4th approaching, feeling America at a moment of life-threatening disaster, he found himself whistling Scars and Stripes Forever, hoping it would not be forever, that our national fortunes would improve.

by Monkey's Dad July 1, 2020

Vaccophobe

Someone with an irrational fear of the Covid-19 vaccine.

"If I die, I die", she said. "I'm not letting anyone convince me I need that shot". And no one convinced her, and she went maskless to her early grave, a proud vaccophobe, and an example of how America had been made "great again".

by Monkey's Dad July 24, 2021