Definitions by Monkey's Dad

duhfinition 

The explanation of a word or phrase, provided sarcastically.

Once again, he asked her what 'multiple orgasm' meant, and once again, she provided the duhfinition.

duhfinition by Monkey's Dad April 18, 2020

femoji 

An emoji used primarily or exclusively by women or girls, ie; any emoji.

She ends every sentence, sometimes every phrase, with, like, a femoji.

femoji by Monkey's Dad April 18, 2020

long distance relationslump 

The toll on a couple normally kept apart by distance, now further separated by travel restrictions.

Their New York-L.A. thing had felt dynamic, sharing best-of-both with alternating weeks. After months of facetime but no actual faces, and no actual bodies, they were in a long distance relationslump.

long distance relationslump by Monkey's Dad April 17, 2020

frogmentation

Vocal breakdown from an entire day on the phone.

By six-thirty, her voice was a fractured, abrasive croak, her daily frogmentation from nine straight hours of phone sessions.

frogmentation by Monkey's Dad April 17, 2020

Bill Gatesgate 

The paranoid, extreme right-wing conspiracy theory that Bill Gates planned to use a COVID-19 pandemic to take control of the global health system.

He was convinced that this amounted to Bill Gatesgate, yup, Billionaire Gates had spent years conspiring with Obama, and Hillary! to make money off the whole damn thing, which wasn't real anyway.

Bill Gatesgate by Monkey's Dad April 17, 2020

combatibility 

The measure of some couples' suitability for each other while shut in together for months.

The stay-at-home order sounded nice, uninterrupted solitude, a luxury they'd never had. Until the 96th night of lockdown when she mentioned quietly that she thought Bill Gates had engineered this whole thing, he went to sleep on the floor, and they were forced to accept their own combatibility.

combatibility by Monkey's Dad April 17, 2020

error message 

From the minor to the global, a warning that something is not right.

She began to interpret the pandemic as a massive error message, a sign to humanity that it had lost its way, and would now be forced to re-order and reconsider.

error message by Monkey's Dad April 16, 2020