op-ed calumnist

An editorial writer engaged in calumny - peddling false and malicious statements about someone, with the intent to inflict damage.

Under a tight deadline, needing a really juicy bit of character assassination, the op-ed calumnist linked Biden to Pizzagate.

by Monkey's Dad October 01, 2020

Who Cooks for You?

Song of the Barred Owl, by consensus of the ornithological community. Who Cooks for You? Who Cooks for Yooooou-All?, in two groups of four.

The owls were singing to each other, high in the spruce trees, and it always made them smile. Who Cooks for You? Who-Cooks-for-Yooooo-All? One night, they went outside with his guitar and he played it back to them.

by Monkey's Dad March 22, 2023

entrancegent

Unwilling or unable to move, due to being entranced, usually at the sight of a highly attractive person.

He cannot stop staring at her. My God. She is so incredibly beautiful. He stands frozen at the top of the escalator, people pouring off it right behind him, tripping and falling. He dimly realizes that he is being prodded, cursed and yelled at to MOVE! yet he remains entrancegent.

by Monkey's Dad September 13, 2021

Sortabiography

A book about the author's own life, which very slightly embellishes the truth, as far and as often as possible.

Deciding that her mother was the renegade Ninth Duchess of Waterford, her father a famous and notoriously dissolute rock star, her conception occurring at midnight on the Concord as all around them were asleep, she began her projected ten-volume sortabiography.

by Monkey's Dad February 28, 2020

Decimated

Reduced by 1/10th (one-tenth), not, as commonly misused, totally wiped out, destroyed, annihilated.

The rodent population in New York City was decimated, down from ten million to only nine million.

by Monkey's Dad November 09, 2019

Christian Nationalist

The self-description of any person who cannot understand the separation of Church and State upon which the United States is constitutionally constructed. A person who does not understand that the United States is equally founded on the guarantee of freedom of religion for all people. A person such as... say... Marjorie Taylor Greene? Yup.

"We need to be the party of nationalism and I'm a Christian Nationalist, and I say it proudly," said Marjorie Taylor Greene, once again demonstrating her intellectual capabilities. Her self-avowal follows her claim that Christian nationalism will solve school shootings and "sexual immorality" in America.

by Monkey's Dad July 28, 2022

damnbivalent

Appearing to not care about something, when in fact you do. Greatly.

Seeing him walking out of the theater holding hands with another woman?! Three days! after he had broken up with her?! Telling her he wasn't ready for a relationship??!! She smiled at him and said a quiet hello, cursing him ferociously under her breath, hoping he could not see how damnbivalent she was.

by Monkey's Dad March 21, 2020