Mike Read's definitions
the wife's mother came around yesterday. I knew it was her as soon as she knocked on the door: all the mice threw themselvess onto the traps.
by mike read August 13, 2003
Get the mother in lawmug. lit. from the French meaning 'double meaning.' a phrase or saying that has another connotation apart from the literal, almost always sexual in nature. A staple of the British 'carry on' series of films of thr 1960s and 70s, and the most excellent 'Bottom' TV show of the early 90s on the BBC
Eddie: Hang on, hang on hang on hang on. I've got your real present here.
Richie: It's a piece of paper. It is a small piece of paper.
Eddie: Read it.
Richie: "Madame Swish, three-thirty." Oh! Eddie! You haven't? Oh, what a pal you are. "Madame Swish". Ooh-err! Hohh, God, at last I'm really going to do it. And on my birthday as well! Ohhhggh, I wonder what she's like?
Eddie: She's a dead cert mate, a real stayer.
Richie:Really?
Eddie:Yeah, she'll come first.
Richie: What, before me? Good grief, that's quick. So she'll think I'm
great! Oh, what a pal you are! And it's all paid for?
Eddie: Um, not exactly, I need a tenner.
Richie: A tenner. Right. That's quite cheap, isn't it?
Eddie: Er, well, no, in that case it's a tenner each way.
Richie: Well, how many ways are there?
Eddie: Well, you'll come first, second or third, won't you?
Richie: Well how many people are going to be there?
Eddie: Well, a few thousand.
Richie: What?
Eddie: Well it's Kempton.
Richie:Kempton? I can't get down to Kempton by three-thirty!
Eddie: You don't have to mate, it'll be on the telly!
Richie: They're going to televise it? Well what if my auntie's watching?
Eddie: Well what's illegal about betting on a horse?
Richie: A horse?
Eddie: Yeah.
Richie: Madame Swish is, is, is a horse?
Eddie: Yeah! Well what did you think it was?
Richie: Oh no, nothing, nothing. Just checking.
Eddie:I have given you a red hot tip.
Richie: (looks at his crotch) I know, and there's nothing I can do about it now, is there!
Richie: It's a piece of paper. It is a small piece of paper.
Eddie: Read it.
Richie: "Madame Swish, three-thirty." Oh! Eddie! You haven't? Oh, what a pal you are. "Madame Swish". Ooh-err! Hohh, God, at last I'm really going to do it. And on my birthday as well! Ohhhggh, I wonder what she's like?
Eddie: She's a dead cert mate, a real stayer.
Richie:Really?
Eddie:Yeah, she'll come first.
Richie: What, before me? Good grief, that's quick. So she'll think I'm
great! Oh, what a pal you are! And it's all paid for?
Eddie: Um, not exactly, I need a tenner.
Richie: A tenner. Right. That's quite cheap, isn't it?
Eddie: Er, well, no, in that case it's a tenner each way.
Richie: Well, how many ways are there?
Eddie: Well, you'll come first, second or third, won't you?
Richie: Well how many people are going to be there?
Eddie: Well, a few thousand.
Richie: What?
Eddie: Well it's Kempton.
Richie:Kempton? I can't get down to Kempton by three-thirty!
Eddie: You don't have to mate, it'll be on the telly!
Richie: They're going to televise it? Well what if my auntie's watching?
Eddie: Well what's illegal about betting on a horse?
Richie: A horse?
Eddie: Yeah.
Richie: Madame Swish is, is, is a horse?
Eddie: Yeah! Well what did you think it was?
Richie: Oh no, nothing, nothing. Just checking.
Eddie:I have given you a red hot tip.
Richie: (looks at his crotch) I know, and there's nothing I can do about it now, is there!
by Mike Read April 17, 2004
Get the double entendremug. by mike read August 7, 2003
Get the tossingmug. 
Get the awightmug. 
why cockney wanker'comedian' Michael Barrymore wishes he'd gone to jail after that bloke drowned in his swimming pool.
awight! I couldn't 'ardly walk after Dropping the Soap in G wing sharrers (trans: showers), guvnah, leave it aht, do what, you're 'aving a laugh!
by mike read August 13, 2003
Get the Dropping the Soapmug. by mike read August 7, 2003
Get the cor blimeymug.