Max Biggins's definitions

Bognor Regis

A town on the south coast of England that is slowly succumbing to a tide of destitution and urban decay, which is unsual for a town of Bognor's size and location.

Visitors can try drinking in the Wetherspoons before being stabbed, get a celtic band or tribal at the various tattoo parlours, sample processed ham from the discount stores and even try their luck at a bingo hall and job centre.

You can test your local knowledge at a pub quiz on the sea front, where teams of pub employees join in to answer questions about their own pub, and you can witness first hand the summer spectacular of northerners beating up the red coats at Butlins then fighting with eastern europeans over the stuffed macaque they won in the Doner meat-eating contest.

There are retail parks featuring Matalan, Burger King and skulking coal-eyed chavs who only speak in vowels, and some lovely cashpoints at which to have your card cloned, or ripped from your hands by the feral children of a chain-smoking, morbidly obese Jabba with a wispy moustache.
You may also find yourself disorientated by a sudden burst of slavic languages from everyone around you, but this is a reflection of Bognor's multicultural diversity of poor white English and poor white Polish.

Bognor became famous for an appearance in the last episode of Wish You Were Here, in which Judith Chalmers was stalked by a family of Wendigo-people then dismembered and devoured. It was only ever aired on UKTV Gold.

Geoffrey Palmer: I once won an episode of Catchphrase, and Roy Walker gave me the choice of Bognor Regis or Chernobyl, which was still glowing at the time.

Christopher Timothy: I assume you went with Bognor?

Geoffrey Palmer: Only after I was absolutely convinced Chernobyl was utterly irradiated and swimming with mutants. As it turned out, Bognor wasn't quite as irradiated, but had a higher mutant count. Swings and roundabouts.

by Max Biggins November 1, 2012

Slut-stink

The pleasantly fishy emanations from the vulva of a well-endowed blonde slut in heat that cause olfactory delight and the involuntary twitching of the bishop's eyebrows.

'Barnabus, a most appetising fish course wafts through from the pantry. May I enquire as to what fruit of the sea we might feast upon this evening?'

'There's no fish course, it's just my playful niece Lucy's slut-stink. Most invigorating. More wine, Tristian?'

by Max Biggins August 3, 2012

Hipster

The American and more widespread strain of what was once known as the 'Shoreditch/Hoxton Twat', The 'London Wanker', the Scenester, the Trendy, The Trustafarian, The Urban Hippy, The Dickhead.

Immortalised by the comedy series 'Nathan Barley' and satirical song 'Being A Dickhead's Cool'.

They suffer the Dunning-Kruger effect as they think they're enlightened because they only socialise with sycophantic idiots with exactly the same 'centre-left' opinions on everything, braying and spluttering, and who work in the same industries (if they have ever worked) but are are too stupid to realise how unenlightened and unlettered they are.

Hipster: Yah my favourite book is , like Catcher in the Rye? It really sopeaks to my soul about how everyone is such a phoney.
Adult; What a fucking hipster.

by Max Biggins October 9, 2020

billingsgate sasquatch

euph; anything that is large, greasy, covered in hair and reeks of fish.

when little miss muffet showed me her tuffet, i didn't expect it to be the billingsgate sasquatch.

by Max Biggins May 3, 2006

Weeb

Despite pleas to the contrary, the term weeb is merely the diminutive of weeaboo, a sad specimen of Western European or North American (usually male) who fetishise Japanese pop culture, exhort the wonderful taste of sushi, masturbate over cartoons and listen to childish J -Pop while ignorant of the culture, history and - in some of the saddest cases, geography - of their own countries.

Weeb: You should broaden your horizons and subscribe to Crunchyroll!
Human: You could try reading a book without pictures of pubescent cartoon girls, you filthy weeb. Try listening to music for adults instead of Japanese children.

by Max Biggins October 9, 2020

Harlem Shake

Something else on the internet which gets trended on Twitter by 100 million chronic imbeciles and which I purposely avoid out of a seething contempt.

The wretched and unlettered; Ahh, there's a new viral/meme/craze on the internet. They're calling it the Harlem Shake.

The enlightened: I'm too busy reading Aeschylus, you gimp.

by Max Biggins July 27, 2013

Dense Breast

The unfortunate condition of the female breast prior to mastectomy.

Human 1: I have a dense breast
Human 2: you may want a mastectomy

by Max Biggins September 30, 2016