Definitions by Lârry Dângüs, esq.
hustler
v. - The act of urination, specifically that of a buck-naked female. Also, an exclamation that one makes when walking in on a woman who is voiding her bladder while in a state of undress. This term is a direct result of Hustler Magazine having grossly over-milked their market interest in photographs which depict this act.
1. Dude, I went to use your bathroom a minute ago and your mom was sitting on the john totally nude! I yelled 'HUSTLER' and got the fuck outta there!
2. my alcoholic neighbor stripped off her swimsuit and drizzled a hustler all over my lawn last night. It's cool though, my garden could probably use the nitrogen. Plus we got some photos!
2. my alcoholic neighbor stripped off her swimsuit and drizzled a hustler all over my lawn last night. It's cool though, my garden could probably use the nitrogen. Plus we got some photos!
hustler by Lârry Dângüs, esq. July 2, 2009
free rental
The free rental is a scam which makes use of the loose return policies of corporate retail entities.
While many people complain about the presence of monolithic turd factories such as Wal-Mart in their otherwise decent neighborhoods, they often fail to realize that these establishments can also be quite useful in certain situations.
To get a free rental, simply save your receipt after making any non-perishable item purchase from a retail giant. Make note of the time frame within which you are allowed to enjoy your purchase (this information is usually printed on your receipt) and then take it back for a cash refund prior to the expiration for that time period.
For example, the time limit for returns at Wal-Mart is 90 days, so one must return the item within that time to successfully complete the free rental.
It is also noteworthy that while Wal-Mart WILL accept returns without a receipt, the purchaser must allow their state-issued identification to be photocopied when this transaction takes place. Wal-Mart's corporate policy currently dictates that a maximum of 3 of these receipt-less transactions be allowed per person each year. Of course, this policy can easily be bypassed by any person who has access to fraudulent forms of identification, and/or a borrowed ID.
While many people complain about the presence of monolithic turd factories such as Wal-Mart in their otherwise decent neighborhoods, they often fail to realize that these establishments can also be quite useful in certain situations.
To get a free rental, simply save your receipt after making any non-perishable item purchase from a retail giant. Make note of the time frame within which you are allowed to enjoy your purchase (this information is usually printed on your receipt) and then take it back for a cash refund prior to the expiration for that time period.
For example, the time limit for returns at Wal-Mart is 90 days, so one must return the item within that time to successfully complete the free rental.
It is also noteworthy that while Wal-Mart WILL accept returns without a receipt, the purchaser must allow their state-issued identification to be photocopied when this transaction takes place. Wal-Mart's corporate policy currently dictates that a maximum of 3 of these receipt-less transactions be allowed per person each year. Of course, this policy can easily be bypassed by any person who has access to fraudulent forms of identification, and/or a borrowed ID.
My mom couldn't afford to buy an air conditioner for her blazing hot, shitty apartment, so she rolled down to Fail-Mart to pick up a free rental window unit for the summer months. When the weather cools off, she'll probably return the AC unit and buy herself a nice warm coat from the same store. Oh wait, did I say 'BUY'? Silly me, I meant to say she'll get a FREE RENTAL!
free rental by Lârry Dângüs, esq. June 17, 2009
jackin' the box
Female masturbation.
My mom can't make it to church today because they're showing a marathon of B.J. and the Bear reruns on tv. She's gonna be inside jackin' the box to Greg Evigan and his stupid monkey until she runs outta twat juice.
That crazy bitch needs to take herself some Xanaps. Have you ever heard of such fucktardation in your life? Oh excuse me...I just performed a manual release. Better hold yer breath, just in case this one is an anal apparition.
That crazy bitch needs to take herself some Xanaps. Have you ever heard of such fucktardation in your life? Oh excuse me...I just performed a manual release. Better hold yer breath, just in case this one is an anal apparition.
jackin' the box by Lârry Dângüs, esq. May 27, 2009
anna nicole smith
Dude, stop calling my celly asking me for Xanax! Don't you know the fucking pigs are tapping my phone? Next time, just say you need to hang out with anna nicole smith, ya doofus. Save that overly obvious telephone terminology for when you're calling a sketch pad.
anna nicole smith by Lârry Dângüs, esq. May 22, 2009
manual release
A farting technique in which the flatulent person grabs one butt cheek and pulls the ass apart so that gas is expelled soundlessly, or almost soundlessly.
The manual release is sometimes accompanied by a subtly airy 'whooshing' or 'hissing' sound. Most dog farts make a similarly subtle sound, largely due to canines' utter lack of butt cheeks.
According to urban legend, this is also the same sound made by the fudge jar when a fart comes out. For example, one would expect the goatse man's flatulence to behave in this manner.
The manual release is sometimes accompanied by a subtly airy 'whooshing' or 'hissing' sound. Most dog farts make a similarly subtle sound, largely due to canines' utter lack of butt cheeks.
According to urban legend, this is also the same sound made by the fudge jar when a fart comes out. For example, one would expect the goatse man's flatulence to behave in this manner.
The most polite way to fart in public is the manual release.
...that is, unless someone sees you while you're gripping your butt cheek...then you may have to do some 'splaining.
...that is, unless someone sees you while you're gripping your butt cheek...then you may have to do some 'splaining.
manual release by Lârry Dângüs, esq. May 7, 2009
Xanaps
Xanaps
The brief but heavy periods of sleep which commonly accompany the use of the benzodiazepine alprazolam, a.k.a. Xanax.
If you don't get much sleep at night and decide to take a little Xanax the next day to 'relax', you can expect to be taking a Xanap very shortly afterwards.
Often employed by white hats of low moral fortitude to get into the pants of unsuspecting young women. These men, incidentally, should be killed with anthrax for their utter fucktardation.
The brief but heavy periods of sleep which commonly accompany the use of the benzodiazepine alprazolam, a.k.a. Xanax.
If you don't get much sleep at night and decide to take a little Xanax the next day to 'relax', you can expect to be taking a Xanap very shortly afterwards.
Often employed by white hats of low moral fortitude to get into the pants of unsuspecting young women. These men, incidentally, should be killed with anthrax for their utter fucktardation.
Frat Boy A: Dude, what happened to those chicks we brought home from the bar?
Frat Boy B: They're still in the car taking Xanaps, you sneaky serial date rapist, you!
(high five, followed by unrequited homosexual thoughts)
Frat Boy B: They're still in the car taking Xanaps, you sneaky serial date rapist, you!
(high five, followed by unrequited homosexual thoughts)
Xanaps by Lârry Dângüs, esq. April 29, 2009
david lee roth
Person A: I hate my new job with a passion. These drug tests are fucking intrusive and I can't smoke the herb anymore.
Person B: Well, at least you can still do some david lee roth on the weekends...that shit will be outta your system by Monday.
Person A: Fuck you, I hate cocaine.
Person B: Well, at least you can still do some david lee roth on the weekends...that shit will be outta your system by Monday.
Person A: Fuck you, I hate cocaine.
david lee roth by Lârry Dângüs, esq. April 26, 2009