10 definitions by Jules.Sheehy
The act of being summoned to mandatory office fun via Zoom Happy Hour or the act of issuing said decree of requisite virtual joviality.
She felt like she had just been served a subpoena having been zoommoned to attend the office "Happy Hour" on Zoom.
by Jules.Sheehy May 19, 2020
Announcing with gravitas and feigned authority that something is a fact with the express purpose of demanding the listener buy the facade of the speaker's fantastical persona. Broadcasting a statement while intending to build an image and simultaneously diminish others.
He asswerted that people who didn't reverse their cars into parking spaces were entirely incapable of planning ahead in anything.
He asswerted so often, claiming expertise in areas in which he had no experience; his managers would sometimes opt to expose him to the consultants embarrass him. They had hoped the experience would restrain his daily grandiosity.
He asswerted that he knew FAR more than ALL the staff put together!
She asswerted her niece's boyfriend is a bad person, because her brother-in-law didn't like the young man.
He asswerted he knew more about the aircraft and how it was used than anyone else while watching a military aviation documentary alongside a USAF combat veteran (who had actually flown on the aircraft being discussed). He continued to loudly asswert over others whenever they'd offer their experiences.
He asswerted so often, claiming expertise in areas in which he had no experience; his managers would sometimes opt to expose him to the consultants embarrass him. They had hoped the experience would restrain his daily grandiosity.
He asswerted that he knew FAR more than ALL the staff put together!
She asswerted her niece's boyfriend is a bad person, because her brother-in-law didn't like the young man.
He asswerted he knew more about the aircraft and how it was used than anyone else while watching a military aviation documentary alongside a USAF combat veteran (who had actually flown on the aircraft being discussed). He continued to loudly asswert over others whenever they'd offer their experiences.
by Jules.Sheehy January 20, 2020
is malicious computer software, sometimes called a cyber weapon. It incorporates features of malware, spyware, viruses, trojans, worms, adulterated firmware and ransomware. It is deployed for the purpose of disrupting infrastructure and/or safety and security systems of a nation state. The Stuxnet Virus is a good example.
The computer science teacher discovered his students had accidentally released their virus homework assignment "into the wild" causing Homeland Security to pay his classroom a personal visit seeking the source of this latest terrorware.
The homework assignment had been mistaken for terrorware as it had prevented citizens from properly operating their voice-command driven television sets. Specifically offended was The First Lady who had been made to miss an episode of GLOW on Netflix and had instead endured The View on cable.
The homework assignment had been mistaken for terrorware as it had prevented citizens from properly operating their voice-command driven television sets. Specifically offended was The First Lady who had been made to miss an episode of GLOW on Netflix and had instead endured The View on cable.
by Jules.Sheehy August 4, 2018
Spontaneous appearance of significant clumps of hair from a beloved pet, often triggering unstoppable sneezing. Appears at the most inconvenient time, around the most tragically allergic person. Hilarious when pet owner was secretly hoping to avoid or get rid of someone annoying.
They arrived to sneer the decorations when my Irish Setter and my Maine Coon spun a category 5 hairacane. The dog and cat playing triggered allergies for the itty-bitty-condemnation-committee. They had to leave. I breathed a sigh of relief...and blew clump of hair off my chest as I did so.
by Jules.Sheehy January 27, 2020
Expression of angst demonstrated by quickly re-tweeting with a comment. Agitated series of tweets made while irritated.
The more irritating the original thought expressed; the greater probability of furious ir-retweeting.
The more irritating the original thought expressed; the greater probability of furious ir-retweeting.
He was so angered by the reporter's blunt observation that he ir-retweeted the reporter's comment 78 times within the next hour.
by Jules.Sheehy May 19, 2020
A fundamentalist practitioner of the daily caffeine ritual so dogmatic they refuse to serve, let alone imbibe, any other beverage known to humans.
They ONLY drink coffee.
They only permit coffee to be served to family and friends.
They rip babies out of the arms of mothers nursing infants to pour black (slightly cooled) coffee down the throats of said child asserting the lifelong progression towards dementia being diminished thenceforward.
They ONLY drink coffee.
They only permit coffee to be served to family and friends.
They rip babies out of the arms of mothers nursing infants to pour black (slightly cooled) coffee down the throats of said child asserting the lifelong progression towards dementia being diminished thenceforward.
Damn, he is such a caffeinist, he ended the blind date with Jolene at the diner the moment he realized she was drinking tea instead of coffee!
by Jules.Sheehy January 20, 2020
Toilet brush, mop, or broom. Similar to the ornamented staff carried by royalty; the tool of the custodial trade is symbolic for anyone cleaning up crap others leave behind. Unlike the ornamented staff carried by dignitaries, the custodial scepter is actually useful.
Julia spun her custodial-scepter in a perfect circle scrubbing the resistant residue from the porcelain altar of excretion relief. Her toilet would be clean before company arrived by gosh!
by Jules.Sheehy August 4, 2018