AdSense

A division of Google, and nothing else but a bunch of thieves. They offer to advertise on your site, and give you a share of mulah, letting your money build up. Then at the apex of your financial glory, they disable your account and "refund your money to the affected advertisers." AKA, you get jewed. Typically, they send you an e-mail with a bullshit reason saying your account is generating a risk of invalid activity, which may "financially hurt" advertisers (as though it will even scratch their surfaces). Google even has the nerve to say "thank you for your patience and understanding". Users are typically offered appeal forms, however, at the risk of not getting reinstated (or reinstated, then cancelled again) it isn't usually worth it.

Some people who have been shut down by AdSense have lost upwards of $3,000. Don't believe me? Then Google NCC Archives 219 and see what these happy people had to say.

by IsraelHands09 November 30, 2011

SafeTGard twat

The one person who walks into the bathroom that is a total germophobe about toilet seats. So to subdue their fears, they use "SafeTGard" toilet seat covers, often leaving them there when they're done for the pending shitter to have to sweep off the toilet seat.

Husband walking out of the bathroom:

Wife: "Hey honey, did you have a nice shit?"

Husband: "Well, I would have if those damn SafeTGard twats would learn to clean up after themselves."

by IsraelHands09 October 01, 2010

Suggestware

Programs that are suggested, and in some cases, falsey recommended during installation of other software. Installation of suggestware can often go unnoticed if the end-user fails to untick the parade of "Yes, I would like..." checkboxes. See bloatware

Thank you for choosing Adobe Flash Player 11! Click next to continue installation.

*Next*

Please verify location you want to install on your hard drive.

*Next*

Adobe highly recommends Google Toolbar, would you like to install? Y/N

*No*

Please read the above EULA, and click I Agree, then click Install to begin installation.

*Agree & Install*

Before installation starts, please agree to the following programs Adobe suggests for you:

Bing Toolbar
Yahoo Toolbar
Google Toolbar
Google Earth
RealD Player
iTunes
Internet Explorer 9

End-User - "Jesus Christ... No, no, no, no, no, no and no"

*Install*

Installation complete, now opening a web page to our website to annoy you even further. Would you like to take a quick survery?

End-User - "No goddamnit!"

*Clicks Close*

Message - Are you sure you want to close this webpage?
"Leave Page, but install Vlingo"
"Stay on Page"

End-User - "Dude. OMFG."

*Ignores message and restarts computer, then opens Internet Explorer*

End-User - "Why the fuck is my homepage set to Bing?"

Adobe Update has successfully updated Flash, and installed:
Netflix
Vlingo

Message - FREE Toolbar offer from Microsoft

End-User - "GOD DAMN SUGGESTWARE, DIEEEE!!!!"
*Throws computer out window*

by IsraelHands09 November 12, 2011

Sample Surfing

The act of going through Costco or mall food courts and sampling from every poor sod having to stand there with free samples of food.

James and Robert didn't feel like paying for a meal, so they snuck into Costco and went sample surfing.

by IsraelHands09 January 17, 2016

Internite

A noun that describes an individual who is a heavy internet user, usually to the point where they know every meme/viral video to date, whilst maintaining a constant lookout for new ones. An Internite's physical appearance is often (but not always) a Caucasian, pimple infested heavy-set male, whose aesthetic deficiencies severely outweigh his/her ability to communicate with the opposite sex. Internites are nocturnal creatures, often preferring colder, dark isolated environments. Since hygiene isn't a priority, these individuals are generally quite smelly. Due to their daily seclusion from life, they are also known to be very weird and quite socially awkward.

Ted is such an internite, all he does is go around saying annoying/overused memes, like 'cool story bro' and 'haha, I trolled you'. F*cking weirdo.

by IsraelHands09 July 26, 2011

Buffet Raid

This happens when an individual is eating at a buffet, and hordes of people from (but not limited to) church, school, community groups/organizations, events, etc. arrive via charter bus, forcing others to get out of their seats and stock up on as much food items as they can carry, before the rest is lost to the eternal multitude of hungry, rude, and moody crowds pushing and shoving their way to culinary salvation.

Mother: "Hey kiddo! How was CiCi's with Garry?"

Son: "Ehhh... it sucked ass honestly...buffet raid plundered through the food, so Garry and I hardly got to eat anything. We tried to get up and stock on food, but people started trying to take our seats, so we just left."

by IsraelHands09 June 06, 2011

Excreat

The act in which one consumes food whilst taking a dump, often because the individual is in a hurry and does not have the time to do both one at a time. Not to be confused with excrete.

"Shit I don't have time to eat this and take a dump! I need to get to class and take that exam. Guess it's time to excreat."

Further examples: College Students...me.

by IsraelHands09 October 07, 2010