IsraelHands09's definitions

Fapsock

The one unwanted unworn pear of crusty jizz soaked feet-warmers found on the floor next to your computer's chassis. Used generally for emergency fap purposes when the girl's at work or too tired, or when you're single.

Hmm can't find any dish scrubbers. Guess I'll just use my fapsock to scrub the iron skillet.

by IsraelHands09 January 26, 2011

Dairy Queen

Despite the good food, is the absolutely worst fucking place to work, in which the day you get canned (like I did) or quit, you'll be celebrating with tears of JOY.

WORD TO THE WISE, after making a blizzard, the collars get thrown in a dirty ass sink full of water that has nasty ass soggy candy pieces and melted ice-cream from previous collars. The very same collars that are used again a second later and contaminate the ice cream with shitty disgusting water.

Friend 1: "Yo, Jake! You know Bob got canned from Dairy Queen the other day?"

Friend 2: "No shizzle? Why?"

Friend 1: "Well, he told me his boss is a fat douche who didn't even like him from the start, so he found some lame excuse saying he doesn't feel Bob is committed to his job, just to give him the boot. Never seen Bob so happy in my life though."

Friend 2: "Daaaayaaamnnn that shit's nuts man."

Friend 1: "Word. I guess he was tired of cleaning shit off the toilet seats."

by IsraelHands09 December 2, 2010

Mystery Blinker

The act of pushing your car's turn signal stick up and down in sync with the actual tempo of your car's turn signal. (Troll effect best achieved in multi-directional turn lanes and middle lanes of highways.)

Some A-hole pulled the mystery blinker, then just merged right in front of me.

by IsraelHands09 December 24, 2010

Engineer

Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

You: "Hey, wait here, I'mma go take a dump."

Friend: "Alright."

*5 minutes later*

Friend: "Dude..I was playing guitar with your amp and I noticed a parasitic capacitance between the output and the input, causing parasitic oscillation. So I really quickly soldered them a little further from eachother, so it shouldn't have any feedback anymore."

You: "Oh...uhhh... thanks?"

Friend: "Hey, I'm an engineer. It's what I do."

by IsraelHands09 September 18, 2010

SafeTGard twat

The one person who walks into the bathroom that is a total germophobe about toilet seats. So to subdue their fears, they use "SafeTGard" toilet seat covers, often leaving them there when they're done for the pending shitter to have to sweep off the toilet seat.

Husband walking out of the bathroom:

Wife: "Hey honey, did you have a nice shit?"

Husband: "Well, I would have if those damn SafeTGard twats would learn to clean up after themselves."

by IsraelHands09 October 1, 2010

Excreat

The act in which one consumes food whilst taking a dump, often because the individual is in a hurry and does not have the time to do both one at a time. Not to be confused with excrete.

"Shit I don't have time to eat this and take a dump! I need to get to class and take that exam. Guess it's time to excreat."

Further examples: College Students...me.

by IsraelHands09 October 7, 2010

Toshallucination

This occurs when an individual is in the kitchen or somewhere away from their Television and they hear a voice on the TV that sounds distinctly similar to that of Daniel Tosh, the host of the funny-as-hell video clip show Tosh.o. Thus, out of sheer instinct, the individual will run to his/her television in dissapointment to find that it is just some guy on 50 Star Stand-Up Weekend.

Man, last night I've been having mad Toshallucinations like every ten minutes. I was barely able to get any fucking sleep!

by IsraelHands09 July 7, 2010