fishbowl

When someone has had the unfortunate mishap of dropping their cell phone in the toilet, this is the act of grabbing it out quickly, resembling someone trying to grasp a fish from a fishbowl.

Well that's the last time I fishbowl my phone out of the toilet. I'm officially boycotting texting and crapping at the same time

by I'mTotallyNotDave November 06, 2010

Facebook Diva

Someone who sits behind a computer using Facebook as a platform to verbally quarrel about non-issues. The internet equivalent to people who say things like "What chu laughin' at?," " and "Say dat to ma face!"

Victim: Check out this graphic about how much bigger Africa is than most people think.
Facebook Diva: What does the size of Africa have to do with how big kids think this country is? Africa is a continent. Not a country. Let's see how many countries fit in Asia, which is over 5,000,000 sq miles larger than Africa.
Victim: ....

by I'mTotallyNotDave April 17, 2013

zoo poo

refers to the odor of human excrement that smells precisely like the gorilla exhibit at your local zoo.

Alex: "Sorry about the bathroom dude ... burritos."
Frank: "You suck. It kinda smells like gorillas."
Alex: "Mexican always gives me zoo poos."

by I'mTotallyNotDave October 05, 2010

heart attack lever

The attachment underneath most common office chairs used to raise or lower the chair's height, or when pulled out, to make whoever will sit in it next look like an idiot. When the lever is in, the occupant can recline to a reasonable distance. When this lever is pulled out however, the unwitting fool will recline way further than thought possible, causing this person to experience the feeling of falling. This may result in, but is not limited to: accelerated heart rate, loud outbursts of curse words, loss of colon control, and (according to a study I just made up) over 1000 heart attacks per year.

Frank: "Holy @$%#!"
*office laughter*
Frank: "Who the hell pulled the heart attack lever out on my chair?!"
*silence*
Alex: "Does something smell like zoo poo?"

by I'mTotallyNotDave October 05, 2010

inflection deflection

when someone, in an effort to seem like they care, pronounces your name differently every time you see each other to deflect from the fact you have nothing to talk about or are too busy to remember anything about this person

Frank: "Benjamin (BEN juh men), what's new?"
Benjamin: "Well I'm getting married in a month."
Frank: "NO WAY MAN! CONGRATULATIONS!"

- 1 month later -

Frank: "So Benjamin (ben juh MEN), how's life?"
Benjamin: "Great. I got married Saturday."
Frank: "NO WAY MAN! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!"
Benjamin: "I did and your inflection deflection isn't helping."

by I'mTotallyNotDave October 13, 2010

snake belt

the tendency of back seat belts of newer model cars to continually adjust throughout the ride, slowly constricting the victim like an anaconda. This is more prone in overweight individuals, which leaves the belt pressed into their fat approximately 1 inch. The only solution for snake belt is to undo the belt and start the process over again.

Frank: "How long till we get to Chik-Fil-A. I've got a crazy case of snake belt going on back here."
Alex: "Just undo it and start over. You don't wanna end up like Jon Voight."

by I'mTotallyNotDave October 21, 2010

Goleming

Sitting in a dark room for days on end watching whole seasons of TV shows alone.

"Dude, you have to come out with us tonight. You have been Goleming pretty hard."
"Can't. Must finish my Breaking Bad. My precious."

by I'mTotallyNotDave August 26, 2013