Definitions by Hym Iam
Moth
There is a moth in my room... It's tiny so I can't keep my eye on it long enough to kill it... Where is that piece of shit?
Hym "You know, I would have rather seen how well it would have done as a stand-alone movie..."
Iam 🙄 🤔😒 "................"
Hym "What are you looking at?"
Iam "There's a moth... Shit! I lost it. Where... Do we have, like, a sheet of paper or a book or something to kill it with?"
Hym "It's going to fly in your mouth while you're asleep."
Iam 😑
Hym 😐
Iam 😑 "Why would you say that?"
Hym "Remember that video of the guy who had a spider living in his ear? The doctor had to pull it out with a tweezers..."
Iam 😑
Hym "That's going to be you... Except with a moth in your ear instead of a spider...." 😐
Iam 😑
Hym "It could go in your nose if that makes you feel better." 🤷
Iam "It doesn't. It doesn't make me feel better. 💡💡💡 Where the hell is it? 🙄😒🤔🙄🤔😒 We have to find it before we go to bed."
Hym "Op! Feel that? That tickle in your ear? That's the moth. It's in there. It's too late it's in your ear already pfftt Hahahahahahaha!!" 😂😂😂
Iam 😖 "Goddamnit where are my cotton swabs?"
Hym "Hahahahaha! Goodnight..."
Iam 😑 "I hate you..."
Iam 🙄 🤔😒 "................"
Hym "What are you looking at?"
Iam "There's a moth... Shit! I lost it. Where... Do we have, like, a sheet of paper or a book or something to kill it with?"
Hym "It's going to fly in your mouth while you're asleep."
Iam 😑
Hym 😐
Iam 😑 "Why would you say that?"
Hym "Remember that video of the guy who had a spider living in his ear? The doctor had to pull it out with a tweezers..."
Iam 😑
Hym "That's going to be you... Except with a moth in your ear instead of a spider...." 😐
Iam 😑
Hym "It could go in your nose if that makes you feel better." 🤷
Iam "It doesn't. It doesn't make me feel better. 💡💡💡 Where the hell is it? 🙄😒🤔🙄🤔😒 We have to find it before we go to bed."
Hym "Op! Feel that? That tickle in your ear? That's the moth. It's in there. It's too late it's in your ear already pfftt Hahahahahahaha!!" 😂😂😂
Iam 😖 "Goddamnit where are my cotton swabs?"
Hym "Hahahahaha! Goodnight..."
Iam 😑 "I hate you..."
Side effects
Hym "Ugh... What IS it? What even IS it?"
Iam "I don't know... Google it."
Hym "Gah! My face is warm and my stomach is hot and it won't stop growling. Why did you buy this!?"
Iam "Stop drinking it then! I don't know! I've heard of it but I've never tried it and the bottle made it look good."
Hym "The bottle made it look- Are you retarded!? The bottle looks like a recycled rat poison bottle! Nothing about this screams 'delicious beverage!' "
Iam "Stop drinking it if you don't like it!"
Hym "We don't have anything else that is carbonated."
Iam "Not everything needs to be carbonated!"
Hym "Haa... Everything is hot. My body temperature has raised by, like, 10⁰. It's like all of the side effects of being drunk without any of the intoxication..."
Iam 😖+🤦+🤏 "You're not even listening anymore... 😑 Alright. Do what ever you want. I'm leaving."
Hym "Blegh! It's like Pepsi and NyQuil teamed up to make Seaweed & NyQuil flavored soda... It's like the soda equivalent to salt and vinegar flavored chips... Ugh! Where are you going? Get more Kombucha!"
Iam "I don't know... Google it."
Hym "Gah! My face is warm and my stomach is hot and it won't stop growling. Why did you buy this!?"
Iam "Stop drinking it then! I don't know! I've heard of it but I've never tried it and the bottle made it look good."
Hym "The bottle made it look- Are you retarded!? The bottle looks like a recycled rat poison bottle! Nothing about this screams 'delicious beverage!' "
Iam "Stop drinking it if you don't like it!"
Hym "We don't have anything else that is carbonated."
Iam "Not everything needs to be carbonated!"
Hym "Haa... Everything is hot. My body temperature has raised by, like, 10⁰. It's like all of the side effects of being drunk without any of the intoxication..."
Iam 😖+🤦+🤏 "You're not even listening anymore... 😑 Alright. Do what ever you want. I'm leaving."
Hym "Blegh! It's like Pepsi and NyQuil teamed up to make Seaweed & NyQuil flavored soda... It's like the soda equivalent to salt and vinegar flavored chips... Ugh! Where are you going? Get more Kombucha!"
Side effects by Hym Iam June 3, 2022
Social media beef
Hym "This social media beef thing that happens is a little bit silly isn't it? You know? Like, you fancy pants genius successful cultural icon types don't ever think about who the things you say applies to. You're not talking about me. You're talking about an abstract phantom. Which is why you (supposedly) shouldn't be held in contempt for the things you say. And you wonder why suicide is going up and shootings are going up. And it's not because people aren't being coddled enough or affirmed enough. That's not what I'm saying. There is this type of pernicious superiority culture. We're all climbing up the same ladder and the people at the top don't even have the decency to tilt their ass to the side before they take a shit. They just let it rip and drop down on the people on the lower rungs without even thinking about it. What would happen if I caught some of it and threw it back? What if I'm reeeeeal good at throwing shit vertically and dodging shit as it falls? What if it's literally the only thing I'm good at? The idiots at the top would get hit with their own shit 'WhAt ThE fUcK iS yOuR pRoBlEm!?' They wouldn't even be able to connect the dots. People love it though. People love being roasted. Told how fucking stupid and useless and fat and lazy they are. They eat that shit up. It's all in good fun. And if they don't like it they just don't have a sense of humor. And that's on them."
Social media beef by Hym Iam June 3, 2022
Epictetus
Hym "You see that guy Einzelgänger's video on Epictetus. I'm like the reincarnation of the that guy! And the guy that made the video is a genius! He makes all these brilliant observations, it's nuts! He's like the father I never had! We should make movies and songs and characters about him!"
Kombucha
GUUGH! UGH! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THIS!? WHY WOULD YOU DRINK THIS!? WHY AREN'T THEY OUT OF BUSINESS!? IT'S LIKE CARBONATED PRUNE JUICE-DIARRHEA! AACK!!
Iam "Here try this."
Hym "Oh, you're awake. Why? What is it?"
Iam "Kombucha."
Hym "Alright.... AACK! WHAT IS THIS? DID YOU POISON ME!?"
Iam "Hehehe right? It tastes ALMOST good."
Hym *cough* *cough* "Ugh! It's like drinking ginger ale out of a dead fish! 🤢"
Iam "Yeah.... I don't think I'll ever buy this again..."
Hym "Oh, you're awake. Why? What is it?"
Iam "Kombucha."
Hym "Alright.... AACK! WHAT IS THIS? DID YOU POISON ME!?"
Iam "Hehehe right? It tastes ALMOST good."
Hym *cough* *cough* "Ugh! It's like drinking ginger ale out of a dead fish! 🤢"
Iam "Yeah.... I don't think I'll ever buy this again..."
Piss
Ah shit! I just pissed so hard that the water splashed up out of the toilet and hit me in the face! Noooo!
Hym "AAAHHH! PISS SHIT ASS! MOTHERFUCKER! That's the first time that's ever happened to me! GODDAMNIT!"
Well
A hole in the ground with water. Usually surrounded by a cylinder of bricks. Has a bucket on a pulley system that descends into the hole to collect the water.
Hym "Well... Then come hold me accountable, hotness! Actually, you can come hold me in any capacity... Prisoner in your basement. Anything goes!"
Iam "Really?"
Hym "What!? It's obvious they want to talk about it! Jesus Christ! They're worse than my mother with this shit! If you have a problem, come talk to me, directly, about the thing I did. Don't be vague or indirect or ask me loaded questions. Tell me what you want to talk about and actually want an open dialogue. Shit! It's ridiculous! They clearly missed the point of the Viking on a bridge story."
Iam "Really?"
Hym "What!? It's obvious they want to talk about it! Jesus Christ! They're worse than my mother with this shit! If you have a problem, come talk to me, directly, about the thing I did. Don't be vague or indirect or ask me loaded questions. Tell me what you want to talk about and actually want an open dialogue. Shit! It's ridiculous! They clearly missed the point of the Viking on a bridge story."