Definitions by Hallie Corson

Texas 

The closest thing to heaven on earth!

A travelling salesman was in California and he saw a golden payphone. The sign below the phone said, "Direct Line to Heaven: $30,000." The salesman travelled all over the country and wherever he went, he saw the same type of phone with the same type of sign under it. "Direct Line to Heaven: $30,000." When he went to Texas, however, he saw the same type of phone and the sign under it said, "Direct Line to Heaven: 25 Cents." He commented on this to one of the locals. "Everywhere I go in this country, I see this type of phone and the sign under it says, 'Direct Line to Heaven: $30,000.' But when I see this same phone in Texas, it says, 'Direct Line to Heaven: 25 Cents.' Why do you suppose that is?" The man answered, "That's easy. From here, it's a local call."

Texas by Hallie Corson December 28, 2005

violin 

An instrument that can sound beautiful WHEN PLAYED RIGHT. However, most of the time it isn't.

My definition of the way a bad violin sounds: "Horse hairs rasping against the entrails of a cat!"

violin by Hallie Corson September 24, 2005

oboe 

A woodwind that is very difficult to play and is best taken in small doses!

What's the difference between an oboe and an onion? Nobody cries when you chop up the oboe.

oboe by Hallie Corson September 23, 2005

Saddam Hussein 

A man whose Arabic name must mean, "Crawls Out of a Hole!"

I feel a bit safer knowing that Saddam Hussein is off the streets!

Saddam Hussein by Hallie Corson September 21, 2005

Marching Band 

A sport in which the participants run around on the field wearing STINKIN' HOT UNIFORMS, playing music of some sort, while carrying instruments of varying sizes. All this AFTER 12 or so hour days of hotter than hades practices and pain. And yet, we keep coming back...I LOVE IT!!!

My band director's philosophy concerning shows was, "If you don't end the show out of breath and about to pass out, you didn't give it your all."

Marching Band by Hallie Corson September 19, 2005

Guitar 

sometimes used in art (like picasso paintings) guitars have influenced music since the beginning of the western world. closely related to a predecessor, the lute, guitars consist of 6,7,or 12 strings (i once saw a 42 string guitar..it was nuts) as far as acoustic guitars go, the best acoustic money can buy is either a C.F. Martin, or a Takamine. As far as electrics go: Fender, Gibson, or Paul Reed Smith (PRS) the strings are strummed or plucked either with the bare fingers or a plectrum (pick) to create a pleasing array of tonal masterpieces.

For a really cool painting, check out Picasso's "Le Vieux Guitariste" ("The Old Guitarist"). It's from his blue period.

Guitar by Hallie Corson September 6, 2005

ku klux klan 

A bunch of morons running around with rags on their heads and bodies, claiming to be "Christians" while blatantly violating the 7th Commandment: "Thou shalt not kill." Notice it did not say, "Thou shalt not kill anyone except Black people, Asians, homosexuals, etc." But, no, they probably didn't notice that, being that they are also generally VERY uneducated. Also have some strange, obscure reason for hating Catholics. Also known as the KKK or the White Knights.

"The KKK had a rally in Jasper, TX."

Good God! Who let the crackers loose?

ku klux klan by Hallie Corson June 29, 2005