Definitions by Frank Klaune
soften the meat
Phrase used to describe a police officer's application of the baton upside the head of some stupid bastard who deserves it.
Frank was watching "COPS" last night when we were over. We watched some dudes who stole some poor lady's car and went on a high speed chase all over town. They rammed several cop cars then totalled the stolen car on an embankment. Damn, it was good to see the officers soften the meat on the driver!
soften the meat by Frank Klaune May 1, 2005
meat tenderizer
Slang term describing a police officer's baton. The term is best appreciated when the baton is furiously applied on the head of some stupid bastard who desperately deserves it.
We loved it when the dude who ran over the little kid resisted arrest, because it gave the police a good opportunity to use the meat tenderizer.
meat tenderizer by Frank Klaune May 1, 2005
in the tank
Damn! Frank was going to have a big outdoor barbecue this weekend but when the forecast called for rain, he knew his plans were in the tank.
Frank started his car, depressed the accelerator to the floor and shifted back and forth between "R" and "D". Now his transmission is in the tank.
Frank started his car, depressed the accelerator to the floor and shifted back and forth between "R" and "D". Now his transmission is in the tank.
in the tank by Frank Klaune April 29, 2005
funnel cake
To use your dong as the \"funnel\", your baby gravy as the \"cake batter\" and some hot chick\'s stomach area (near her belly button) as the frier. If you\'ve ever watched or made a funnel cake, it is now abundantly clear.
funnel cake by Frank Klaune April 26, 2005
barney
A small-town, provincial putz of a policeman. The name represents "Barney Fife", the bumbling, inept deputy sherfiff from the "Andy Griffith Show." The typical small-town Barney is a doughnut-chomping fat bastard whose only purpose is to write as many speeding tickets and seat belt "safety" violations to out-of-town licence plated cars as humanly possible. This daily pattern continues until the barney has padded his resume sufficiently to move on to a real job far from the provincial putzville which was his first job for a couple of years. The outrageous pattern of excessive ticket-writing also works in the favor of the inbred, corrupt, fuck-headed town officials who reap an obscene profit from the fine largesse. This, in turn, self justifies the continuance of the salary for the Barney. This pattern is particularly effective in towns which are so ridiculously quiet and small that an actual "law enforcement officer" has no substantive reason to be on the public payroll. The next time you are pulled over in some backward Hooterville for driving 4 MPH over the posted limit, remember where your fine money is going.
barney by Frank Klaune April 25, 2005
super glued
Damn, Frank drank the rest of that fifth of Jim Beam. By the end of the afternoon, he was super glued!
super glued by Frank Klaune April 23, 2005
fuckin' suck it
Phrase used in an extremely, utterly exasperating moment when no other execration will do. The phrase is best appreciated with one's temper at full steam, red in the face and at least one hand balled up in a fist, banging on something.
Chris was driving along 53rd, minding his own business when some dumbass in a pickup swerved out of the Convenience Store, blatantly cutting him off. When Chris hit the horn, the dumbass flipped him off. When they got to the intersection, Chris was red in the face and, with one hand banging on the steering wheel, he gestured "the bird" back at the dumbass while yelling, "FUCKIN' SUCK IT!"
fuckin' suck it by Frank Klaune April 22, 2005