Failurebitch's definitions
There are 10 things that can cause an ass explosion:
1. Laxatives
2. Food allergies/intolerances
3. Medication side effects
4. Oily/greasy food
5. Eating too much plant fiber
6. Infectious diseases/food poisoning
7. Exposure to certain toxins
8. Chronic gastrointestinal conditions (IBS for example)
9. An imbalance of gut bacteria
10. Over-eating
11. Hormonal fluctuations (females)
Generally, you can tell if an ass explosion is going to happen, symptoms include:
Gas
Gurgling in the lower abdomen
Pressure behind the asshole that feels like something solid is trying to get out
Bloating
Slight abdominal cramping
1. Laxatives
2. Food allergies/intolerances
3. Medication side effects
4. Oily/greasy food
5. Eating too much plant fiber
6. Infectious diseases/food poisoning
7. Exposure to certain toxins
8. Chronic gastrointestinal conditions (IBS for example)
9. An imbalance of gut bacteria
10. Over-eating
11. Hormonal fluctuations (females)
Generally, you can tell if an ass explosion is going to happen, symptoms include:
Gas
Gurgling in the lower abdomen
Pressure behind the asshole that feels like something solid is trying to get out
Bloating
Slight abdominal cramping
by Failurebitch May 28, 2023
Get the ass explosion mug.A misogynistic pig with an ugly personality and a microdick that hates women simply for existing. His followers consist of incels and 9-14 year old boys (who cry like babies if you dare say anything against Tate for some reason) that need to go outside and interact with the real world. Andrew Tate is also known for scamming people, being q malignant narcissist, encouraging violence (especially against women), being a pedophile, human trafficking, having a microdick, rape, being entitled, having a low IQ, and just being a piece of shit. Tate feels threatened by strong women, and REAL men who are not afraid to be compassionate towards everyone regardless of gender.
Andrew Tate is an asshole who wishes he could be a man imstead of a child with a beard. Any guy who treats women with respect is a REAL MAN.
by Failurebitch February 21, 2025
Get the Andrew Tate mug.Everyone who has critical thinking skills (including normal vegans who leave people alone) hates her. She's known for being a hypocrite and abusing/neglecting her poor dog who's clearly depressed because she feeds her dog kibble that's devoid of protein, so the dog is slowly dying. That Vegan Teacher tries to shove veganism down everyone's throats. She should be banned from all social media platforms so she can leave everyone alone.
by Failurebitch February 21, 2025
Get the That Vegan Teacher mug.Someone who's either super far left or super far right on the political spectrum who can't respect someone's opinions or take a joke.
How to spot a far left snowflake:
Ususally a white female with neon colored hair, is super fat, has a "Coexist" sticker on their car (when they would literally wish death on you for being pro-life or even the tiniest bit religious), smells like cat piss or sewage, wears tacky clothes, needs a literal cry room, has a victim complex, has no concept of how the world works,and commonly found on an American college campus protesting something nobody cares about instead of going to class.
How to spot a far right snowflake:
Usually a white male with a Nazi swastika tattooed on his arm, bald, either super muscular or super fat, drives a jacked up truck with bright ass headlights (tends to ride your bumper if you're going the speed limit because if he doesn't go 75 mph+ his dick is going to fall off, and he will blind you with the headlights), idolizes misogynistic assholes, abuses his family (wife, kids, and pets), and has tiny dick syndrome.
How to spot a far left snowflake:
Ususally a white female with neon colored hair, is super fat, has a "Coexist" sticker on their car (when they would literally wish death on you for being pro-life or even the tiniest bit religious), smells like cat piss or sewage, wears tacky clothes, needs a literal cry room, has a victim complex, has no concept of how the world works,and commonly found on an American college campus protesting something nobody cares about instead of going to class.
How to spot a far right snowflake:
Usually a white male with a Nazi swastika tattooed on his arm, bald, either super muscular or super fat, drives a jacked up truck with bright ass headlights (tends to ride your bumper if you're going the speed limit because if he doesn't go 75 mph+ his dick is going to fall off, and he will blind you with the headlights), idolizes misogynistic assholes, abuses his family (wife, kids, and pets), and has tiny dick syndrome.
Scenario one-
Me: Ugh, misogyny is disgusting.
Far-right snowflake: Shut up you stupid bitch, make me a sandwich
Me: Leave me alone you fucking snowflake, get your own damn sandwich and take your tiny dick syndrome elsewhere
Far-right snowflake: (Tries to hit me).
Me: (Dodges and kicks the snowflake in his tiny dick)
Far-right snowflake: (Screams like a little girl)
Me: Don't try to lay your hands on a woman unless you want her foot to give you a free vasectomy. Fucking asshole!
Scenario two:
Me: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Couldn't tell you, they'd just sit in the dark complaining about how it's somehow a man's fault the light is broken!
Far-left snowflake: You're rude and insensitive! How can you say such a thing as a woman?
Me: Because I have a sense of humor and don't sympathize with women who go out of their way to put men down just because they exist. When was the last time you sat down with a man and just talked about a topic that interested both of you?
Far-left snowflake: I don't remember.
Me: Exactly. If you weren't such a snowflake, maybe you wouldn't alienate the men like your dad who actually do care about you.
Far-left snowflake: My dad left when my mom was pregnant with me. I have a brother, but I haven't seen or spoken to him in years because he's a man.
Me: See? Maybe try giving him a call and reconciling.
Me: Ugh, misogyny is disgusting.
Far-right snowflake: Shut up you stupid bitch, make me a sandwich
Me: Leave me alone you fucking snowflake, get your own damn sandwich and take your tiny dick syndrome elsewhere
Far-right snowflake: (Tries to hit me).
Me: (Dodges and kicks the snowflake in his tiny dick)
Far-right snowflake: (Screams like a little girl)
Me: Don't try to lay your hands on a woman unless you want her foot to give you a free vasectomy. Fucking asshole!
Scenario two:
Me: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Couldn't tell you, they'd just sit in the dark complaining about how it's somehow a man's fault the light is broken!
Far-left snowflake: You're rude and insensitive! How can you say such a thing as a woman?
Me: Because I have a sense of humor and don't sympathize with women who go out of their way to put men down just because they exist. When was the last time you sat down with a man and just talked about a topic that interested both of you?
Far-left snowflake: I don't remember.
Me: Exactly. If you weren't such a snowflake, maybe you wouldn't alienate the men like your dad who actually do care about you.
Far-left snowflake: My dad left when my mom was pregnant with me. I have a brother, but I haven't seen or spoken to him in years because he's a man.
Me: See? Maybe try giving him a call and reconciling.
by Failurebitch June 25, 2025
Get the Snowflake mug.A form of bathing.
Why someone might take a shower:
1. They're visibly dirty
2. Decontamination after exposure to hazardous substances (chemicals🧪, IV chemo drugs💉, radiation ☢️, and biohazards☣️)
3. Temperature regulation (warming up if cold, or cooling down if hot)
4. They've been participating in outdoor activities (yard work or sports)
5. Calming down if stressed
6. Drowning out the sounds of crying if sad
7. Masturbate
8. Fuck
Things people do after a shower:
1. Dry off
2. Get dressed or put on pajamas depending on what time of day it is
3. Get ready for work
4. Go to bed
5. Fuck some more
6. Apply topical medications (ointments, creams, lotions, sprays, gels, foams, liniments, oils, transdermal patches)
7. Eat something
8. Put on makeup
9. Use a hairdryer
10. Shave
11. Brush teeth
12. Brush hair
Why someone might take a shower:
1. They're visibly dirty
2. Decontamination after exposure to hazardous substances (chemicals🧪, IV chemo drugs💉, radiation ☢️, and biohazards☣️)
3. Temperature regulation (warming up if cold, or cooling down if hot)
4. They've been participating in outdoor activities (yard work or sports)
5. Calming down if stressed
6. Drowning out the sounds of crying if sad
7. Masturbate
8. Fuck
Things people do after a shower:
1. Dry off
2. Get dressed or put on pajamas depending on what time of day it is
3. Get ready for work
4. Go to bed
5. Fuck some more
6. Apply topical medications (ointments, creams, lotions, sprays, gels, foams, liniments, oils, transdermal patches)
7. Eat something
8. Put on makeup
9. Use a hairdryer
10. Shave
11. Brush teeth
12. Brush hair
by Failurebitch July 11, 2023
Get the Shower mug.Someone who's so fucking miserable from seeing child-free people enjoying having clean homes, stuff that isn't broken, and being able to travel that they insist that child-free people have kids just so the people who don't want kids can be miserable too.
Common things a breeder will say to a child-free person:
"You're being selfish"
"You'll change your mind"
"You're immature"
"You won't know true love until you have a baby"
"Motherhood/fatherhood is so rewarding"
"You're wasting your life"
"You'll regret not having a baby"
"You're lazy"
"Who will take care of you when you're old?"
"You're gonna die alone"
Common things a breeder will say to a child-free person:
"You're being selfish"
"You'll change your mind"
"You're immature"
"You won't know true love until you have a baby"
"Motherhood/fatherhood is so rewarding"
"You're wasting your life"
"You'll regret not having a baby"
"You're lazy"
"Who will take care of you when you're old?"
"You're gonna die alone"
Every child-free person will encounter a breeder sooner or later. Whether it be a family member, friend, romantic partner, or even your doctor (OBGYNs are NOTORIOUS for trying to get their patients to have babies since they make a lot money off of pregnant patients and less from patients who want to be sterilized!). Remind the breeders that your life choices have no impact on your life, and that they're an asshole for being so rude to you.
by Failurebitch July 14, 2025
Get the Breeder mug.