mountainese

The lingo used amongst mountainbike folk.
Examples of "Mountainese":

"It's a little technical."
-- Last time we rode here, we cracked a frame, had 3 snake bites, and taco-ed a wheel.

"This is the last climb."
-- This is really not the last climb, in fact, we're not even halfway. but if i tell you that, chances are you'll throw down your bike and won't talk to me for a month.

"I found this kick-ass trail!"
-- Pack your ID and some KY jelly, because chances are we'll spend the night in jail for trespassing.

"A yard sale"
-- A horrendous crash that leaves all your various "wares" -- water bottles, pump, tool bag, etc. -- scattered as if on display for sale.

" 'rhoid buffing"
-- Going down a hill so steep that your butt touches the rear wheel

"Hope you got your granny gear working!"
-- We're going to do some never-ending, impossible climbs. (A granny gear is the lowest gear available on a bike, designed for ultra-steep uphill climbing.)
by Elvo November 08, 2007
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fair stick

Bob: hey bro you going to the work breakfast function today?
James: nah man I got the turps last night and I'm crook as a dog now.

Bob: haha ahh fair stick bro
by Elvo February 04, 2017
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masturbation

An orgy, all on your own.
I'm into masturbation. hey, it's like an orgy, only without nasty people.
by Elvo July 16, 2007
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jerk-a-holic

Like a workaholic or an alcoholic, only addicted to masturbation instead of alcohol or work.
Jimmy is a right jerk-a-holic. He hasn't seen sunlight in weeks!
by Elvo July 16, 2007
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semi-boyfriend

A person who is officially not a boyfriend, might just as well be one, but isn't.
I got this from my fully gay semi-boyfriend. Semi-gay but fully boyfriend is just as bad, by the way.
by Elvo July 16, 2007
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car

Something with 4 wheels and 0 boobies.
Check out that car. Zero B00bage.
by Elvo July 16, 2007
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fecal position

The position you're usually in when you're on the can, pushing hard.
Hunched over, knees and bumcheeks wide, and a bodybuilder expression on your face.
Man, I can't go on these French toilets. I can't go in the woods either, cuz it's hard to get into the fecal position.
by Elvo July 27, 2007
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