El Conquistador 's definitions

dick smucker

An elderly woman with no teeth giving a blow job. Possibly the closest to heaven any living man is likely to get.

I was skeptical at first, but that dick smucker gave me the best head of my life.

by El conquistador January 17, 2014

fire helmet

When your GF accidentally grabs a tube of Ben Gay instead of massage oil while giving a hand job, thus causing your purple dick helmet to burn intensely.

Stupid bitch gave me a fire helmet last night. She needs to learn how to read.

by El conquistador January 17, 2014

runt ball

The smaller of a mans two testicles.

I love it when my GF holds my runt ball in her mouth and hums the national anthem. God bless America!

by El Conquistador July 10, 2017

Kansas City hot pocket

Performing anal sex using BBQ sauce instead of anal lube.

You have not had real BBQ until you try a Kansas City hot pocket. Burns so good.

by El Conquistador July 12, 2017

kansas city hot pocket

Performing anal sex using BBQ sauce instead of anal lube.

You have not had a real BBQ experience until you have tried a Kansas City hot pocket. Burns so good!

by El Conquistador July 12, 2017

West Virginia flap jack

Slapping the foreskin of your flaccid penis against your boyfriend's lips.

The West Virginia flap jack Brian got was just an appetizer for the gay feast that followed.

by El Conquistador July 15, 2017

uber shit

When you wait so long for your Uber that you shit your pants. There are two kinds of Uber shitters...those that will still get in the car with their shitty pants and that those that refuse to get in, out of respect for the upholstery.

After a big meal and several draft beers, Ryan and his crew needed an Uber to take them to the club. Their driver, Omar, was still 10 minutes away when Ryan started having terrible shit pains. Rather than risk missing the ride and disappointing his crew, he decided to hold it in till they got to the club....bad decision. With Omar but minutes away, Ryan dropped an Uber shit straight through his underwear and into his pants. The Uber pulled up to the curb and now it was crunch time. Ryan refused to get in the car, it was a matter principle. His crew jumped in and swore they would never tell anybody about the incident. Ryan stood alone on the sidewalk and called his mom to bring him pants and underwear.

by El Conquistador January 29, 2019