El Conquistador 's definitions
The act of jerking an uncircumcised cock to completion, but holding the load in the foreskin by pinching it shut. Then blowing up the foreskin like a balloon. When quickly released, the resulting explosion delivers the mother of all facials.
Justin and his boyfriend were having a wonderful evening of watching Ryan Gosling movies and licking popcorn butter off each other’s nipples, when things started to get a little frisky. They started with the usual dick slapping, then moved on to a rousing game of “will it fit”. ( Spoiler alert, it always does). Justin finally had an idea to try something new he had heard about in his gay pride chat group. After some cajoling, his boyfriend was definitely down to clown.
Thirty-four minutes later, Justin awoke in the back of the white county ambulance, ears ringing, eyes stuck shut like a new born kitten. Justin asks, “wha-what happened?” A wise grey bearded paramedic reaches to put a hand his shoulder but then recoils, because…yuck. He informs Justin, “Son, you took a Norris City Hand Grenade straight to the face. You’re lucky to be alive.”
Justin is making progress managing his PTSD (post traumatic sperm disorder). But still to this day, while watching gay porn, if he sees an uncircumcised dick, he curls up in his fetal position ands yells “ incoming!”
Thirty-four minutes later, Justin awoke in the back of the white county ambulance, ears ringing, eyes stuck shut like a new born kitten. Justin asks, “wha-what happened?” A wise grey bearded paramedic reaches to put a hand his shoulder but then recoils, because…yuck. He informs Justin, “Son, you took a Norris City Hand Grenade straight to the face. You’re lucky to be alive.”
Justin is making progress managing his PTSD (post traumatic sperm disorder). But still to this day, while watching gay porn, if he sees an uncircumcised dick, he curls up in his fetal position ands yells “ incoming!”
by El Conquistador January 11, 2025
Get the Norris City Hand Grenademug. I love it when my GF holds my runt ball in her mouth and hums the national anthem. God bless America!
by El Conquistador July 10, 2017
Get the runt ballmug. A German smear is made by dipping two fingers in shit, doesn’t matter whose it is, then giving yourself a Hitler mustache with it. Now grab your lover and plant a big sloppy kiss.
Ryan would do anything for Cody, so when Cody asked to try the German smear, Ryan pooped his right there. #truelove
by El Conquistador May 19, 2018
Get the German smearmug. by El Conquistador March 18, 2017
Get the Hawaiian milkshakemug. An elderly woman with no teeth giving a blow job. Possibly the closest to heaven any living man is likely to get.
by El conquistador January 17, 2014
Get the dick smuckermug. Performing a violent hand job on the gentleman to your left and the gentleman to your right, at the same time, flapping your arms like an Angry Pterodactyl taking off from a rocky ledge.
Angry Pterodactyl; a nursery rhyme.
Hickory dickory dock
Fast Pat has two handfuls of cock
The clock struck two
Cody and Riggs shot their goo
Then dropped Pat at the end of the block
Hickory dickory dock
Fast Pat has two handfuls of cock
The clock struck two
Cody and Riggs shot their goo
Then dropped Pat at the end of the block
by El Conquistador May 4, 2021
Get the Angry Pterodactylmug. A super stealthy sex servant that can spank a swollen stiffy for a sticky semen surprise, whack a whiskered Willy wonderfully with one hand, just jerk a johnson so gingerly, five finger a fat fuck stick forever, bare hand a beefy BBC and beat a bulky boner black and blue.
Japanese folklore, written on the walls of the finest oriental massage parlors, tells of the legendary stroke ninja. Although known far and wide as the stroke ninja, the locals simply called her キャンディス. With cat like reflexes, nimble fingers and a grip like the deadly venus fly trap, many a man has succumb to her relentless grasp. The few that survived gather, on occasion, to reminisce about the best rub-n-tug of a lifetime.
by El Conquistador July 6, 2021
Get the stroke ninjamug.