El Conquistador's definitions

dick smucker

An elderly woman with no teeth giving a blow job. Possibly the closest to heaven any living man is likely to get.

I was skeptical at first, but that dick smucker gave me the best head of my life.

by El conquistador January 17, 2014

fire helmet

When your GF accidentally grabs a tube of Ben Gay instead of massage oil while giving a hand job, thus causing your purple dick helmet to burn intensely.

Stupid bitch gave me a fire helmet last night. She needs to learn how to read.

by El conquistador January 17, 2014

ass trumped

Wrecking your boyfriend’s shit socket with your unusually small hands after painting yourself orange and donning a cheap blonde wig.

Ryan wanted to do something special for Robbie’s birthday. They had already tried most other deviant sexual variations and were, quite frankly, bored with the normal pee pee touching and butt stuff. Ryan decided to combine two things that Robbie loves most...Trump and manual anal stimulation. Robbie was well experienced butt had never been Ass Trumped before. He screamed “best birthday ever!”

by El Conquistador December 19, 2019

tooth nut

The act whitening your woman’s teeth with jizz. She smiles as you nut on her grill.

No more expensive teeth whitening treatments since we discovered the tooth nut. Come on babe, show us your pearly whites!

by El Conquistador May 15, 2019

German smear

A German smear is made by dipping two fingers in shit, doesn’t matter whose it is, then giving yourself a Hitler mustache with it. Now grab your lover and plant a big sloppy kiss.

Ryan would do anything for Cody, so when Cody asked to try the German smear, Ryan pooped his right there. #truelove

by El Conquistador May 19, 2018

tonsil butter

A large load of jizm delivered to the back of ones throat, covering the uvula and tonsils in warm, thick, well churned sperm milk. Not to be confused with the low fat version, I Can’t Believe it’s not Tonsil Butter.

Stuck at work late at night, Cody and Ryan needed a quick snack. All they had in the fridge, of course, was some cheap canned biscuits and eleven jars of grape jelly. Cody started to cry as his hunger pains told him that would not be enough to satisfy him. Ryan wanted to help his friend, so he offered to whip up a fresh batch of tonsil butter for Cody. He gladly accepted Ryan’s generous offering of tonsil butter with enthusiasm. Cody was so moved he was speechless. With a tear in his eye and a lump in his throat, he gave Ryan a big bear hug. Of course Ryan, always the giver, didn’t know who was more satisfied; Cody for the receiving or himself the giving.

by El Conquistador February 20, 2020

Hawaiian milkshake

The product of drinking large amounts of pineapple juice to make ones ejaculate taste sweeter.

Hawaiian milkshakes are a low fat treat that my GF can enjoy anytime.

by El Conquistador March 18, 2017