docker's omelette

a lump of phlegm.

"What's for dinner today?" asked Saddam.
"Just a docker's omelette until you tell us where you have hidden those WMDs" replied his CIA interrogator malevolently.

by Dunky Oggins December 23, 2003

get some cold comfort

To have sexual relations with a corpse.

Poor old Alec, he got sacked from his new job at the undertakers when the boss caught him getting some cold comfort.

by Dunky Oggins January 09, 2004

parallel parking

sexual intercourse

June was in a bad mood: she wanted some parallel parking with Alec, but he had a headache.

by Dunky Oggins November 10, 2003

mars bar

Excrement, or pertaining to defecation.

I'm just going to the toilet to do a mars bar.

by Dunky Oggins November 22, 2003

blood sports

Cunnilinctus performed on a menstruating woman

"Phillip, now that fox hunting is illegal, let's stay in this afternoon for some blood sports" said Elizabeth with a twinkle in her eye.

by Dunky Oggins December 10, 2003

liquid fart

involuntarily passing runny faeces whilst breaking wind, often the precursor to a ringburner.

"That's the last time i wash your y-fronts Phillip", said Elizabeth angrily, "you keep doing those dreadful liquid farts."

by Dunky Oggins November 19, 2003

whack the one-eyed worm

to masturbate

Dave got so excited watching the Hammerettes he had to rush off at half-time and whack the one-eyed worm.

by Dunky Oggins November 25, 2003