The art of oral sex performed on a woman. Used in the context of 1) Something a man does to a woman while waiting for the Viagra to kick in. 2) Something a man does under duress knowing if he doesn't, she won't perform oral on him. 3) Something a bitter and twisted wife gets her husband to do not telling him she's been fucked all day by her well-hung lover and he's now eating his cum. 4) Something a man does, not wanting his wife to know he has genital warts. 5) Something "confused" women do to each other so that, when the time comes, they can train their boyfriends how to do it right.
"I know we're in the chapel, my darling, but I need to perform cunnilingus on you to remove the taste of that disgusting communion wine from my mouth"
"I can't believe your wife doesn't allow you to perform cunnilingus on her. She allowed me to do it yesterday"
"I can't believe your wife doesn't allow you to perform cunnilingus on her. She allowed me to do it yesterday"
by Doctor Phew August 14, 2011
Like masturbation, only dirtier. Mainly performed by: 1) Men of any age fantasizing about having sex (usually) with someone famous or someone who wouldn't have real sex with them in a million years. 2) What your mother does to men to feed her drug habbit. 3) A perfectly normal act ensuring your mother has to look at weird stains on your underwear and sheets. 4) An act usually performed whilst lying on a single bed with your eyes tight shut. 5) Something you do when bored. 6) An act that makes you believe you're the best lover in the world....or you will be when you start having sex for real. 7) Something that old guy down the road made you do to him for a bag of sweets. 8) Something every male does, but no-one admits to it. 9) An act that usually ends with the participant saying, "YES!" or "EWWW!" depending on the angle of the penis. 10) What you're doing right now as you read these definitions of wanking...
"I refute all allegations that I was out of order. Wanking at a funeral is perfectly normal"
"Sorry for waking you up mummy, but I've discovered this new thing called 'wanking' and I wanted to show you what happens at the end. Shall I get you a tissue?"
"Sorry for waking you up mummy, but I've discovered this new thing called 'wanking' and I wanted to show you what happens at the end. Shall I get you a tissue?"
by Doctor Phew August 14, 2011
Mother I'd Like To Fuck. Also known as ILTFMM (I'd like to fuck my mother).
A MILF is someone who....
1) Makes your penis erect when you know she shouldn't.
2) Spoils friendships. Telling your best friend you'd like to fuck their mother will only cause arguments.
3) Brings a father and son together. You can both talk about how much you'd like to have sex with the woman in question.
4) Makes you start masturbating, or, makes you masturbate even more
5) If she ignores you, you start having rape fantasies.
6) Makes you start looking at your own mother in a new light.
7) You hope is a pedophile or into the "younger kid" depending on age
8) Is to blame for you exposing yourself to her, being beat up by her, her husband AND your friend.....plus being arrested by the police.
9) Makes you go with the neighbourhood slut just to fantasise it's the MILF you're having sex with.
10) Turns you into a criminal, and you find yourself breaking into her house and discovering a new pastime called "panty sniffing".
A MILF is someone who....
1) Makes your penis erect when you know she shouldn't.
2) Spoils friendships. Telling your best friend you'd like to fuck their mother will only cause arguments.
3) Brings a father and son together. You can both talk about how much you'd like to have sex with the woman in question.
4) Makes you start masturbating, or, makes you masturbate even more
5) If she ignores you, you start having rape fantasies.
6) Makes you start looking at your own mother in a new light.
7) You hope is a pedophile or into the "younger kid" depending on age
8) Is to blame for you exposing yourself to her, being beat up by her, her husband AND your friend.....plus being arrested by the police.
9) Makes you go with the neighbourhood slut just to fantasise it's the MILF you're having sex with.
10) Turns you into a criminal, and you find yourself breaking into her house and discovering a new pastime called "panty sniffing".
"I'm sorry your mom died. I'm going to really miss her. Expecially with her being a MILF"
"Mom, I'm sorry I slipped my hands between your legs when you were asleep. But I'm so in love with a MILF, I needed to touch your vagina and pretend it's hers"
"Mom, I'm sorry I slipped my hands between your legs when you were asleep. But I'm so in love with a MILF, I needed to touch your vagina and pretend it's hers"
by Doctor Phew August 14, 2011
Another name for sperm. Now, the only name for sperm. "Cum" is....
1) Why your mom's breath smells funny.
2) Watery and a bit grey-ish at times. Unless you're a porn star then it's brilliantly white and thick like premium yoghurt (and they shoot buckets opposed to your dribbles)
3) What your wife/girlfriend refuses to swallow.
4) What your wife/girlfriend refuses to have in their mouth.
5) What some men love to swallow
6) What most men fantasize about depositing in their wife's/girlfriend's ass
7) What gives your underwear that "yellow" stain
8) What ejaculated out of your penis when your (insert a family member) taught you how to masturbate all those years ago
9) What made your sister cry...and why she had to go "away" for several months
10) That bodily fluid you have on hour laptop after reading these definitions
1) Why your mom's breath smells funny.
2) Watery and a bit grey-ish at times. Unless you're a porn star then it's brilliantly white and thick like premium yoghurt (and they shoot buckets opposed to your dribbles)
3) What your wife/girlfriend refuses to swallow.
4) What your wife/girlfriend refuses to have in their mouth.
5) What some men love to swallow
6) What most men fantasize about depositing in their wife's/girlfriend's ass
7) What gives your underwear that "yellow" stain
8) What ejaculated out of your penis when your (insert a family member) taught you how to masturbate all those years ago
9) What made your sister cry...and why she had to go "away" for several months
10) That bodily fluid you have on hour laptop after reading these definitions
"I hate to ask you this, since I don't really know you, but do I have a chance of ejaculating some cum into your mouth?"
"Mummy, what is "cum" and why did you scream at the man next door to "shoot his cum into your mouth"?
"Of course my darling, shoot your cum into my mouth. I know the taste is disgusting and it makes me vomit, but I love you sooooo much to refuse"
"Mummy, what is "cum" and why did you scream at the man next door to "shoot his cum into your mouth"?
"Of course my darling, shoot your cum into my mouth. I know the taste is disgusting and it makes me vomit, but I love you sooooo much to refuse"
by Doctor Phew August 14, 2011
Pubic hair on a woman. Relates to the surrounding vaginal area on a woman who is:
1) Unaware that pubic hair is now a crime punishable by death
2) Thinks it's attractive to have hair bursting out at the sides of her underwear (aka spider legs escaping the nest)
3) Unclean and enjoys the smell of the odour of her vaginal fluid and other bodily fluids seeping onto her pubes
4) Something you see on a woman in pre-1990s porn
1) Unaware that pubic hair is now a crime punishable by death
2) Thinks it's attractive to have hair bursting out at the sides of her underwear (aka spider legs escaping the nest)
3) Unclean and enjoys the smell of the odour of her vaginal fluid and other bodily fluids seeping onto her pubes
4) Something you see on a woman in pre-1990s porn
"I love washing my face in your muff"
"I thought you were wearing black skimpy panties until I realised it's your muff"
"I thought you were wearing black skimpy panties until I realised it's your muff"
by Doctor Phew August 14, 2011
An extremely small penis. Micropenis is extremely popular in men from Oriental descent (explains the lack of Oriental male porn stars). To be labelled as having a micropenis is the most degrading insult a woman can give a man. Men with a micropenis are usually virgins for life. A micropenis is medically proven to be worthless. Men with a micropenis are usually manic depressives. Most men with a micropenis usually commit suicide - usually after being laughed at for having a teeny-weeny penis. A micropenis is very common amongst steroid using body builders. A micropenis can sometimes be confused for a clitoris.
"I wanted to have sex with him so bad, but his micropenis didn't even penetrate my vaginal lips"
"Anal sex doesn't hurt because my boyfriend has a micropenis"
"Anal sex doesn't hurt because my boyfriend has a micropenis"
by Doctor Phew August 14, 2011
The sexual position of taking a woman from behind. Mainly used when: 1) She's a bit kinky and likes it in either the "pink" or the "stink". 2) Used for medical purposes so the guy can separate her cheeks and inspect her asshole while pumping into her. 3) The favoured position if either lover has bad breath. 4) A good way for the guy to see if she likes her asshole played with/fingered or not. 5) A good position if both lovers are ugly. And finally, 6) the best position for **SAFE SEX** as it's medically proven a woman cannot become pregnant from having sex in the doggystyle position.
"I know I don't have protection with me, so why don't we do it doggystyle so I can ejaculate all over your extremely large butt instead?"
"Since you've put on a lot of weight darling, can we do it doggystyle because I like the way the fat wobbles when I'm pumping into you"
"Since you've put on a lot of weight darling, can we do it doggystyle because I like the way the fat wobbles when I'm pumping into you"
by Doctor Phew August 14, 2011