Dick Onchin's definitions

Hunting Kernels

Euphemism for anal sex.

I was hunting kernels last night with the old lady. Pulled a few out and wiped em off with her new blouse.

Man I might as well have been a corn farmer last night cause I was seriously hunting kernels with that filthy whore.

by Dick Onchin November 9, 2020

Chowder Lip

Finishing yourself off by hand And pumping your creamy man chowder all over his or her upper lip.

She was doing sloppy top on me so good I was bout to bust so I pulled her head back and finished myself off by hand and gave her the old chowder lip.

by Dick Onchin November 10, 2020

Indian Star

A bunghole on fire and burning from a delicious going in, but painful coming out, spicy curry dish.

Oh man we went to Tandoori House last night for dinner. I’m paying the price today when an Indian star.

I need some salve for my tender little Indian star.

by Dick Onchin November 11, 2020

Jacklash

When you nut so hard from hacking off that you tense up and throw your neck backwards and give yourself a mild case of whiplash.

Damn bro my neck is killing me. Did you jacklash yourself again? Yea damn near put my head through the wall this time.

by Dick Onchin November 12, 2020

Covid Turkey Slap

Due to social distancing, simulating the performance of a traditional Turkey Slap by swinging the penis back and forth, 6 ft away from her face with no physical contact.

While not as physically satisfying as it would be under non-pandemic circumstances, the act of lovingly pseudo-slapping your partner in the face with an erect or semi erect penis is still a coveted tradition especially around Thanksgiving.

My hot cousin came to town for thanksgiving. While i normally would give her a Turkey slap after everyone went to bed, we kept our distance and had to settle for the covid Turkey slap instead. I gave her a little helicopter penis action as well.

by Dick Onchin November 13, 2020

Undercarriage Makeover

To wash, clean, tidy and if necessary, shave and trim, one’s genitals, taint or asshole. All three if circumstances warrant.

The prostitute dashed into the Wawa bathroom to do an undercarriage makeover after her last John filled her like a Boston cream donut.

The humidity was so swamp ass inducing that I had to freshen with an undercarriage makeover.

I gave myself and entire undercarriage makeover before my Grindr hook up arrived.

I looked like Chewbacca’s face down there so I cleaned up with an undercarriage makeover.

by Dick Onchin November 14, 2020

Arctic Carl

Performing a traditional hot Carl, the act of putting seran-wrap on ones face and proceeding to take a hot steamy shit on the seran-wrap, thus letting them feel the warmth of the poo on their face, but performed in an intentional, extremely cold environment for maximum warmth effect.

Scenarios might be, but not limited to, on a walk in refrigerator or freezer, outside on a blistering cold day, while hiking on the mountains or just dropping down the AC temperature at home.

I met the new waitress in the walk-in freezer after we closed. She brought the seran wrap from the prep station and I laid out the most steamy Arctic Carl I could push.

Despite the subzero temperatures outside, Bethany surprised me while I was making a snow angel by slapping some seran and dropping an Arctic Carl. It was so warm I asked if she might have a fever.

by Dick Onchin November 15, 2020