When you feel guilty about all the carbs you’ve been eating so your subconscious starts to ascribe human characteristics to all types of bread products in an effort to make you less inclined to eat them . This happens to such a degree that you begin to believe that bread is actually a living entity with moral qualms about being consumed. It starts as a case of Pareidolia(seeing faces in unusual places). When the carbs in your life become cognizant it is not uncommon to see your muffin smiling at you or corn bread frowning in disgust. They stare at you and you stare back. You look with longing, while they gaze back in judgement. Before too long your explaining to your family that you haven’t eaten the waffles sitting out on the table because they have a rich backstory and kids at home that can’t get by without them.
Dean: I only did Keto for a week before I binged on a dozen Krispy Kreme’s. That last one didn’t appreciate it much.
Sam: Last one? Last donut?
Dean: Yeah, you could tell he was pissed?
Sam: Dude, those are cognizant carbs. The guilt got to you.
Sam: Last one? Last donut?
Dean: Yeah, you could tell he was pissed?
Sam: Dude, those are cognizant carbs. The guilt got to you.
by Darren Besert May 06, 2018
Get the Cognizant Carbs mug.Two men eating opposite ends of a single Taco Bravo until they meet in the center and things get weird. (Lady and the Tramp style).
Sarah: Did you see Jack and John pounding the same Taco Bravo at lunch today?
Jayme: I did, but no worries, they’re really close. Some serious Bravo Love going on there.
Jayme: I did, but no worries, they’re really close. Some serious Bravo Love going on there.
by Darren Besert August 28, 2014
Get the Bravo Love mug.A food delivery service that deals almost exclusively in raisins, almonds, and vinegar. If it’s not sour and crunchy, it’s not Blue Apron.
Look at your hand? Nothing in it? Well, look at your other hand. You may be surprised to find $10 dollars in this hand. What to do? What to do? If you’re feeling hungry, you may be in luck because that $10 dollars can go a long way toward your next meal of choice. Heck, you can head on down to the local Qdoba and nom nom through a delicious double steak bowl with a side of chips and queso with 10 whole dollars. No one would knock you for making that choice, but you have another choice. You could choose to take that 10 dollars and have a combination of raisins, almonds, and vinegar delivered right to your door as many times a week as your little heart desires! This way you can take it upon yourself to cook up a nice, sour, grool after having spent that last 12 hours in the miserable hell hole you call a job. Blue Apron is the perfect excuse to don an apron, sharpen up those knives you got 10 years ago at your wedding, and dirty up every pot and pan in the house.
Here’s some excellent Blue Apron recipes:
1. Raisin and almond patties with a nice vinegar dipping sauce.
2. Raisin and almonds frozen in vinegar ice cubes to chill a nice glass of straight vinegar.
3. Raisin and almond kabobs(toothpicks not provided) grilled with a vinegar glaze.
4. Raisin/almond shooters with a vinegar base.
Here’s some excellent Blue Apron recipes:
1. Raisin and almond patties with a nice vinegar dipping sauce.
2. Raisin and almonds frozen in vinegar ice cubes to chill a nice glass of straight vinegar.
3. Raisin and almond kabobs(toothpicks not provided) grilled with a vinegar glaze.
4. Raisin/almond shooters with a vinegar base.
by Darren Besert October 26, 2017
Get the Blue Apron mug.The original title of the 1999 rock hit, “Meet Virginia” as written by Robert Hotchkiss, Pat Monahan and James Stafford of the rock band “Train”. The original lyrics were affectionately written about a Virginia-shaped piece of meatloaf during a serious case of the “munchies” while the band was performing a gig in Richmond. Written as a goof, the melody had such an appealing draw that the band decided to re-title the track to “Meet Virginia” and edit the lyrics to be more abstract and broadly appealing. The meaning behind the song “Meet Virginia” as has been hotly contested with theories of love interests, strippers, and drag queens abounding. Until now, the band has hilariously allowed these theories to promulgate while the original title and meaning of the song has eluded the blogosphere.
Rob: “Meat Virginia! I can't wait to eat Meat Virginia, yeah e yeah hey hey hey”
Pat: “Savage”
James: “Love it”
Pat: “Savage”
James: “Love it”
by Darren Besert October 25, 2018
Get the Meat Virginia mug.When you spill your beverage into your keyboard and instead of draining it out, like a normal person, you continue typing like nothing happened much to the bemusement of those who witnessed the spill. Squishy Typing is no delicate matter and practitioners usually have an “Own It!” type mentality. Squishy Typers never tickle the keyboard like an Elmo doll on the cold Christmas morning of 1996. Rather, they opt to pound the keys with the renewed vigor of a frustrated Ludwig van Beethoven raging at the heavens during a tsunami.
Jo: Just picked up my coffee off the warmer as someone asked me a question. I swung around and bonked the edge of my monitor and dumped half the cup in my keyboard...
Levi: I'd like to be sympathetic, but I'm too busy laughing. Hopefully, it was a cheap-o, wired keyboard?
Jo: It is. It's a work keyboard so I’m just squishy typing now.
Levi: I smell a UD entry. Squishy Typing
Jo: Ew Ew!! I'll get Darren on it.
Jo: Confession: I may have baited you into the UD recommendation so I could incorporate our conversation into the example...
Levi: Haha. That makes sense.
Darren: Done.
Levi: I'd like to be sympathetic, but I'm too busy laughing. Hopefully, it was a cheap-o, wired keyboard?
Jo: It is. It's a work keyboard so I’m just squishy typing now.
Levi: I smell a UD entry. Squishy Typing
Jo: Ew Ew!! I'll get Darren on it.
Jo: Confession: I may have baited you into the UD recommendation so I could incorporate our conversation into the example...
Levi: Haha. That makes sense.
Darren: Done.
by Darren Besert November 27, 2017
Get the Squishy Typing mug.When your meal doesn’t go as planned, for one reason or another, so you angrily plow your way through the food for the shear nourishment. Hatemeal is often the result of a failed recipe, poor cooking technique, or even poor dinner company.
Cody: I just watched a guy storm around the corner and throw a frozen dinner in the microwave. He slammed the Cook button, then the 6, then Start button and then stormed off. The microwave ran for 6 seconds...
Chris: That's too good. His anger should be able to heat the dish thoroughly when he returns in 5 minutes 54 seconds and realizes what he had done (or doesn't realize and blames it on the microwave).
I'm jealous I didn't get to witness that. Video?
Cody: It all happened so fast. He was like the Flash. What makes it funnier is that I watched the keystrokes and I still couldn't stop him before he had blazed off. What make him think that he's gonna have time to eat if he can’t even take the time to cook the food properly?
Chris: Ha. No kidding.
Cody: He seems stressed and this failure surely didn't help, but this will be a good lesson for him. It’s totally within the realm of possibility that he just ate it "as is". Just angrily crunched his way through his icey lunch. That'll teach em.
Chris: Hatemeal. Could be an Urban Dictionary entry.
Cody: Ah! good idea. My creative juices are not flowing in this vanilla environment though. I may have Darren get on that one.
Darren: Done.
Chris: That's too good. His anger should be able to heat the dish thoroughly when he returns in 5 minutes 54 seconds and realizes what he had done (or doesn't realize and blames it on the microwave).
I'm jealous I didn't get to witness that. Video?
Cody: It all happened so fast. He was like the Flash. What makes it funnier is that I watched the keystrokes and I still couldn't stop him before he had blazed off. What make him think that he's gonna have time to eat if he can’t even take the time to cook the food properly?
Chris: Ha. No kidding.
Cody: He seems stressed and this failure surely didn't help, but this will be a good lesson for him. It’s totally within the realm of possibility that he just ate it "as is". Just angrily crunched his way through his icey lunch. That'll teach em.
Chris: Hatemeal. Could be an Urban Dictionary entry.
Cody: Ah! good idea. My creative juices are not flowing in this vanilla environment though. I may have Darren get on that one.
Darren: Done.
by Darren Besert February 01, 2017
Get the hatemeal mug.Gallivanting with exuberance through a valley, over a hill, across a field, or into a sunset. Usually performed until physical exhaustion resulting in collapse.
Internal Monologue- “I need to be writing, but my writers block makes me wants to take off running into the wheat field around this building, arms stretched wide, until I collapse. I can just imagine judgmental eyes starring on from the parking lot as they silently ponder the reason why I’m “Pulling a Sound of Music” this afternoon. “Did he get fired?” “Is someone chasing him?” “Should we run too?” When I tire, I’ll take a swan dive into the wheat and disappear below the stocks; out of sight. That’s where I’ll lie until I can come to grips with sitting at my desk for the rest of the day. I’m sure security will be called due to this strange behavior and they’ll surely investigate only to find me slowly disappearing out of sight and into the Kansas abyss. They’ll laugh and dub me the “Wheat Runner”. A slow walk back will return me to the building and my desk where I will, of course, deny ever having done such a thing despite the numerous eye witness accounts.
by Darren Besert March 29, 2017
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