Colonel Barnaby's definitions

Cottaging

A term used by inverted men - both young and old- who like to frequent public lavatories (which they call ‘cottages’) in order to experience sexual solace.

‘Keep away from those toilets, Fred, it’s full of nine-bob-notes going cottaging!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 18, 2023

Nine bob note

A pseudo-comical term used to describe an effeminate man. It was in common use prior to the decimalisation of the currency in 1971, when a ‘bob’ meant one shilling. It refers to the ten shilling note (10/-); and alludes to a male who seeks sexual comfort from other males with a fraudulent currency note or forgery.

‘Aubrey likes to collect recipes and is always gossiping with girls. I’m sure he’s a nine bob note!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 18, 2023

Mingemonger

Minge is a colloquial English term referring to a female’s pubic hair. Monger refers to any trading enterprise. A minge-monger is therefore a term of abuse used to describe a person who it is claimed sells the pubic hair of a ladies.

That disgusting bloke is an absolute mingemonger!

by Colonel Barnaby November 28, 2022

Cocksucker

A disgraceful practise where a woman or an inverted man willingly engages in oral intercourse. This sexual act induces incredible sexual pleasure upon the male, with the added value that it cannot lead to pregnancy. This has, sadly, become incredibly popular amongst young people from all classes of society. However, one must also be aware that it can also be used as simply a term of abuse and nothing more.

‘Nellie called me a ‘cocksucker’ because she found out I was dating Florrie from the pickle factory!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 23, 2023

Cock milking

This term is defined as the act of manual stimulation to the loins of a willing male - either by another male or a female. The loins of the male are stroked in a rhythmical fashion ; often from behind so as to resemble the milking of a bovine by a milking maiden. This results in a very pleasurable seminal emission by the male, usually captured in a tissue or some other receptacle.

‘Harold loves it when Maude has a go at cock milking. It gives him instant relief and means she can’t get pregnant!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 21, 2023

Frottaging

A type of perverted sexual solace performed by men against completely innocent members of the public, often in full view of their compatriots. It is normally associated with inverted men, but can also be performed by normal males against females. An inverted or normal man will select his frottaging ‘victim’ in, say, a crowded train, and approach them in as innocent a manner as possible. They will then rub their genital area or loins against them in an act of simulated sex before making off as quickly as possible. Most disgusting. Young ladies have also been victims to this disgraceful practice, and I urge you all to be very wary of young men who approach you in public areas!

‘Fred was bending over in the shop, tying his shoelaces, when a bloke came up behind him and started frottaging him, thrusting his loins against Fred’s bum. Fred turned around and the bloke made off like lightening.’

by Colonel Barnaby January 20, 2023

Coprolite

An archaeological term used to describe a fossilised piece of waste emitted from the rectum of an animal or human.

‘You are nothing more than a human coprolite, you worthless piece of dung!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 19, 2023