BeardedFatass's definitions

snail mail

Etymology: Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert
(n) conventional mail in which a letter or package is physically delivered by a postal service, esp. when the object mailed could have been sent electronically via email/e-mail and arrived at the destination instantly

Paranoid about "hackers" spying on him, my boss insists on sending all correspondence via snail mail, which means I can't use my spam filter to ignore him.

by BeardedFatass January 9, 2004

96

(n) a position where two people lie alongside each other facing opposite directions with their heads resting comfortably between their partner's butt cheeks

After performing 69, many sexual partners like to turn their backs and relax in a comfy 96, but this is ill-advised after eating Mexican food. The results may be grimm.

by BeardedFatass December 11, 2002

photo finish

(n) an urgent need to defecate, usually associated with diarrhea, in which the bowels begin to move before the victim has reached the shitter

As Bob raced down the hallway, he clenched his butt-cheeks together as tightly as he could to stave the impending explosion of fecal matter. This was definitely going to be a photo finish.

by BeardedFatass January 6, 2004

squirt

(n) a quick act of urination

I gotta go take a squirt; then we can leave.

by BeardedFatass December 16, 2002

olde

(adj) old, used to ascribe an artificial nostalgic value to crap that nobody would otherwise consider purchasing

The Old Junk Shop almost went out of business until they changed their name to Ye Olde Antique Shoppe.

by BeardedFatass January 8, 2004

Atkins Diet

(n) a lame excuse for obese pigs to claim they are on a "diet" while they gorge themselves with excessive amounts of fatty meat, cheese, butter, and lard

(aka Fatkins Diet)

I'm on the Atkins Diet. Yesterday, I ate a 12-egg omelette, 36 sausage links, a brick of Cheddar cheese, 2 jars of peanuts, 4 sticks of butter, a 32-ounce steak wrapped in bacon, a pork roast, and a can of Crisco for dessert. The only reason I gained 135 pounds was because I accidentally inhaled a crouton.

by BeardedFatass May 18, 2004

n00b

(n) an online user who still knows how to spell and use basic sentence structure

> Hello.
> stfu n00b u sukc ih8u gfy

by BeardedFatass January 9, 2004