appleteeny

Term used to describe the penis size of Apple computer users... teeny.

Margaret refused sex with all Mac users due to the prevalence of appleteeny.

by -hef- November 10, 2009

anniversary

for her: the date on which you had your first date, or the day on which you were married.

for him: the date on which she... first blew you, fucked you, gave you a handjob, let you go brown, let you earn your red wings, swallowed your gob for the first time, let you go ass to mouth, kissed another hot chick in front of you, gave you a bloagie, or gave you a blumpkin.

I gave her flowers for our wedding anniversary, but got nothing on our bloagie anniversary. Weird.

by -hef- September 16, 2009

shit chill

When you have to crap, but can't get to a bathroom and you stand perfectly still, clenching. Then your body shakes briefly like you were standing in 20 below weather.

I had to dump at the concert but I didn't want to miss "Hammer Smashed Face", so I held it in and got a shit chill.

by -hef- September 18, 2009

ball jar

It's where your wife keeps your balls once you get married.

My wife keeps a lock on the ball jar to keep me in line.

My wife always keeps a lock on the ball jar, but opens up the dick jar once a year so we can have sex.

by -hef- September 16, 2009

H.I.P.

"Hand in Pants." Used by strippers, and customers of lap dances to ask for some special treatment in the back room, i.e. a hand job.

When I went into the back room with the stripper for a lap dance, I asked her if she was down with some H.I.P.

by -HEF- May 20, 2007

Assula

Ass + spatula. This is the spatula your mom used to beat your ass with when you were bad. Usually large enough to flip a 12" pancake, and strong enough withstand a 300 degree flame. Often contained a homing device so when you broke something in the house and went to hide the assula before your mom found the broken item, your mom could always find it to come beat some ass.

My mom was so proud of her assula that she had it bronzed.

I still have nightmares of my mother running down the hallway at me, assula in hand.

by -hef- November 10, 2009

mizzenmast

A naval term for your dick.

I gave her the mizzenmast to the port hole.

I gave her the mizzenmast to the poop deck.

by -hef- September 16, 2009