Contrary to what the billboards may tell you, the trailer parks aren’t populated by benevolent seniors who play
golf in their back yards, and choose low-income housing out of
pure humility. The fact of the matter is, they attract the dregs of society
like a giant porch light attracting moths.
Trailer park tenants can be broken down into five categories.
Category
One: the potheads. Strangely, they don’t seem to care that their plants are clearly visible, and poking through every orifice of the trailer.
Category Two: the slackers. Television is their life, even though they’re been so doped up by category
one that they haven’t registered anything since the final episode of “
M*A*S*H”.
Category Three: the crazies. Typically living in portable trailers, for no other reason than to shake them wildly when the fevered dreams come.
Category Four: the missionaries. These live in the “high-end” district of the trailer park. Representatives of the
Mormon religion, they wander two-by-two through the wilderness, often thinking back to the great
one man conversion of ’89.
Category Five: the hippies. Closely related to category
one, except this group grows
pot only for themselves (It’s strictly medicinal – treatment for their
cocaine and heroin addictions).
A strange smell wafts through the
air. The
echo of gunshots. A half-naked man stumbles drunkenly down the
road.
Welcome to trailer trash town, may I take your order?