Torontosis (pronunciation: tor-on-TO-sis) A common condition usually caught from extended
time periods spent in the
Toronto area. It usually goes unnoticed in
Toronto because it is so endemic to the area it is often overlooked. Characterized by extremist views and behaviours which annoy and set them apart from the wider community.
Symptoms vary but often include:
1. Overwhelming need to natter on about their overly-specific interest area. Re-directs or relates all conversation back to their fixation.
2. Driving non-infected persons away with a condescending attitude/
cult-
like zeal/boring endless talk on one subject.
3. Annoyance at anyone who does not know the detailed minutia of, or enjoy their over-specific interests.
4. Extreme dietary restrictions.
5. Condescending attitude towards anyone who enjoys mainstream
art,
music, products, or alignment with a political party that currently has elected members in
government.
6. Only willing to eat/buy products that follow an unreasonably narrow moral guideline.
7. Are incapable of controlling their need to berate others about how immorally they live their lives.
Treatment:
The only known treatment for Torontosis is to spend significant amounts of
time away from their tiny community of
people who share their worldview. Time in smaller cities or the countryside is best. Torontosis is one strain of a disease that plague other major cities, such as NewYorkosis, Londonitis, Seattle Syndrome, and Vancoveriasis.
You can safely diagnose a case of Torontosis in the following cases:
1 and 2. "Yeah, you know, your situation with your roommmate reminds me of the political situation of Ukraine in 1918"
3. "Is that a
Nicki Minaj CD? Sorry could you turn it off, I only listen to minimalist techno or drum-and-
bass made in london between 1994 and 1997."
"Sorry, I can'
t go see a movie with you this week, waay too busy organizing...hey, do you want to come to our Reproductive Justice Slam Poetry Fundraiser?"
4. "You
don't have any gluten-free bagels? Next you're going to tell me your only non-dairy creamer option is soy!!"
5. "I
don't understand how you can support the NDP, they're capitalist traitors to the
people's cause!!"
6. "I only wear clothes that I wove myself, from organic cotton, or were made by a commune in nepal from yaks hair."
7. "I can't believe you would consider using a choke chain on your 200 lb. Mastiff. How would YOU
like a choke collar, you twisted westboro baptist nazi??"
