the trash lord

the Trash Lord is the raccoon who got into your burger king garbage and took the burger king crown. this malevolent mustelid rallied his kin under this new crown, and, building an army like no other, ordered an attack upon the human race, to conquer us and enslave us, forcing us to creating their cardboard until we grow old and frail, our backs bowed under the weight of our small, furry oppressors, and even then, when our minds begin to break and our bones grow brittle, we will know no true solace but death, hoping deep down, though foolishly, that one day, one more powerful than he will free us and deliver us from his dominion. This is why you should secure your trash, or better yet, not eat at Burger King.

thing outside: (crash)
alex (bees sibling): AHHH WHAT WAS THAT
bee: OH NO! It’s the trash lord, we need to stop him before he finds the Burger King Crown! He will enslave humanity!
alex: (grabs baseball bat) IM GOING TO STOP HIM!
chex (the raccoon): (augh, a human noticed me!) What are you doing with that baseball bat are you going to hurt me??
alex: YOU WILL NEVER ENSLAVE HUMANITY TRASH LORD
chex: the fuck? im a woman! my name is chex and im just trying to get by!
alex: oh…well please stay out of the garbage you could get very sick? the state of california would put stickers on this stuff
chex: ah…okay…

this is why you should never assume my gend—i mean, you should never assume every raccoon is the trash lord. just don’t eat at burger king it’s not that hard

the trash lord by sadlittlecracker September 11, 2026