This is when you make a conscience decision to use Heinz ketchup as a lubricant and masterbate. You then ejaculate in your own hand and eat it. Your mother's premenstrual fluids can be substituted for Heinz ketchup.
*storms for the bathroom* "OUT OF MY WAY!"
"Why? Do you have to drop off the Cosby kids at the pool?"
"Worse. I have to drop off the Cosby kids AND the pool!"
"Uh...okay, then. Good luck with that."