sphinctometer 

1. A device for measuring the degree to which one is an asshole.

2. A device for measuring the degree to which one is full of shit.

"Wow, Buck, that story just sent the sphinctometer needle into the brown!"

sphinctometer by biggs33 December 9, 2008

sphinctermeter 

The part of the anus that manages the delicate flow of waste which differentiates and carefully selects what shall pass based on it's current state - whether it be in solid, liquid or gas form. This phenomenal muscle is highly used when diarrhea is present and the person is unsure if there is a liquid or gas eager to exit from the anus. In many instances it allows gas to expel while delicately holding back a tsunami of molten fecal matter. During moments of constipation however it remains unused.

Josh: Dude the other day I was at the movies and I had some major diarrhea. Luckily my sphinctermeter let me release gas from my bowels while keeping back the mother load of explosive goo.

William: Dude that's disgusting. Did you eat something bad?

Josh: Your wife's chili.

sphinctermeter by Dirty Burrito February 9, 2019